#1
This is a metalcore song performed with two guitars in Drop C. Think in the style of A Day To Remember or something along those lines, with some clean vocals and some screamed and alternating musical tonality to reflect the moods going back and forth. Parts of the song were the first things that came to mind when I saw pictures of a woman I once loved with another man for the first time since we broke up. A lot of the emotion of the song is driven by the instrumentation of the breakdowns, which I obviously can't really translate into words. Hope you like it. C4C and such.


(Overdriven rhythm guitar, clean lead, clean voice)
You put me away
In a box, in a drawer
So you wouldn't have to think about me any more

And I did the same
One day at a time
I used to cringe when I heard your name

The pictures the necklace, the hearts everything
could never bring myself to even look at the ring
Had to send it away, sealed up in a box
To some distant stranger, without a broken heart

And now I'm happy for you,
And I hope that you,
Find what you always wanted and more
So put me away, in the box in the drawer,
'cause it wasn't meant to be for us after all
Sometimes the hardest thing
Is to admit that it's over
And let it die before a hollow heart takes over
Put me away, and I'll do the same
But never forget


(scream one word at a time)
my heart once called your... name!

(Breakdown riff, distorted guitars, scream vocals)

I put you away
Stored you out of sight
So you couldn't keep me awake at night


(Back to verse, clean vocal)

Anyone I met with the same name as you
Could never make it past a single night or two
It didn't feel right comin out of my mouth
When it wasn't 'bout you... but somebody else


...just somebody else


...just somebody else


(clean voice)
So put me away
(scream)
Like I put you a....way


(Second breakdown, drum and bass 3x before guitars come in then back into

verse)


(clean voice)
I put you away
I'll take you out some day
When the photos and the memories will make me smile
Some day
It's not today

not to....day.....
Andy Fox
Hard rock guitarist
I play a Jackson DK-2 and an Ibanez RG through a Peavey 6505+ stack
Last edited by AndyR83 at Aug 10, 2009,
#2
For the genre that you're going for, I think that this would work. However, there is a lot of room for improvement.

What my main problem is, is that you've taken a subject that's already been done a lot and... added nothing new to it. So it was just like reading a thousand other songs that sound exactly the same. There was nothing original to it, nothing that you could say was truly 'yours'.

The second thing I didn't like about this was the lack of any sort of complex imagery. There were no nice descriptions, no colourful metaphors or clever play on words. This made it a lot less interesting, in that there was very little to interpret and very little to think about. I just got it straight as it is.

That said, I think it's okay for the genre. I hope I haven't been too harsh, only trying to help. Hope it has helped.

If you could take a quick look at mine, I'd appreciate it:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1179169