#1
Here's a song that I wrote and am hoping you guess can give me some tips for improving the lyrics in it.

Out in the field she danced
I've never seen her speak
She whispers words that were written
Her feet move to the beat

Old men gave her the burden
She carried for the flock
Theres only so much wait you can carry
Until you can't fight the drop

(chorus)
Its such a shame
she was so graceful
they were hypnotized
In a Trance
They stood in silence forever
To see her final dance
What a shame

People gathered around
To see the final show
Noone tried to help her
They just let her go

(chorus again )

I think the chorus is pretty weak but am havin trouble thinking up a better one at the moment.
#2
Wow, I really really really like this song. The rhymes are perfectly placed. Well played my friend. The only thing I would work on is the chorus, specially the use of "Its such a shame" and "What a shame" in the same stanza. Other than that A+
Too lazy to come up with a clever or relevant sig.