#1
hey just done a quick 10/15minute job on this one
only a short thing
all criticism and/or advice allowed
thanks in advance
C4C if you like?


in the end
what we regret most
are the chances
that we never took

to see the highlight of a lifetime
in ceremonious sorrow
youve got to make that move
cause there may be no tomorrow

why should we live for love
when we could be having fun
the more that we see of life
we see what we missed was rife
#2
Not to sure on the life/rife thing but it's rather catchy even though a little cliched.
Quote by axethrower13
But you only die once, so you may as well experience it to the fullest.

Quote by ozzyismetal
Get her a goat. Bitches love goats.

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Plus, naturally I scream satanic rituals while unleashing the demon. It's a marvelous resurrection.
#3
I gotta say, I rather like it. I do think that it'd do great as a song with a couple more verses and/or a chorus added in. I really like the theme and you do a good job of describing the regret without really sounding cliched. My only criticism would be that since the rest of your lyrics are very honest in their simplicity, words like "ceremonious" and "rife" just seem a bit out of place. Just my 2 cents.

Oh, one more thing I noticed, was your first verse has a rhyme scheme of ABCD, the second one is ABCB, and the last one is AABB. It may have been intentional, or not, but just thought I'd mention it. Like I said, the lyrics are great and do the verses justice, but it may not flow quite as well when actually sung unless you've got a melody where things like that aren't a big deal.

All in all, you're off to a good start, especially for a 15 minute writing session. Just work on filling it out some!
Quote by soulflyV
really its a competition between metal and rock. Scissors are part metal, so they lose to rock. Rock it is.

#5
thanks a hell of a lot for all of the crits/advice helped me lots
ive tried patching things up a tad and here is what i got.
im gonna try adding more parts into it once i know this bit is ok and makes full sense

Intro (vocals almost spoken)
in the end
what we regret most
are the chances
that we never took

Verse 1
to see the highlight of a lifetime
drown in ceremonious sorrow
youve got to make that fatal move
before there is no tomorrow

Chorus
if you follow a dream and take the risk
youll gain the right of showing this
doesnt matter how hard you make them stay
all your dreams will once fade away
Fade Away, x4