#1
In the words of The Script: "It's been a long time coming"

Pt. I
Pt. II
Pt. IV
Part V
Part VI

*****

While everyone scattered, James waited. There was something very off with the whole situation. He eased back against the couch, eyeing the window wearily. The others could run and waste their energy, but he was going to sit right here until something started to make sense. A fire was beginning to spread in the forestation outside, but the house was safe for now. The rain was bound to start again soon anyway. Silhouetted by the fire, James could see the clown-masked figure, reclined against a tree. Yeah, scary, James thought, scoffing. He stood up, moving towards the kitchen. He didn’t even notice that Goddard’s chair was now empty. Lazily, he opened the fridge, pulling out a bottle of milk. He took off the lid, drank one swig, then two. He closed the fridge door and turned towards the lounge. The clown masked figure struck out, lightning fast, slicing James clean across the neck. James gagged, falling backwards, trying to hold his neck together. The masked-figure crouched down over James’ choking figure. He chuckled.
“You have been Judged in accordance to your sins,” the masked figure said coldly, dipping his finger in the blood pooling from James’ neck and writing a single word on the ground next to his body. Lightning crashed, and the masked figure vanished into air, just as James’ took his last, gagged breath.

The six stood in the master bedroom, gasping.
“What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck?” Claire kept mumbling under her breath, almost like a chant. Sandra was clutching her husband in fear, somehow managing to make it an almost sexual act. Rein sat down on the bed, dazed. There was something she felt like they were all missing, something of crucial importance. And then it hit her.
“Goddard,” she breathed. The others turned to her.
“What?” Frank asked.
“Where the hell is Goddard?” She looked around. “Has anyone seen him?” They all shook their heads.
“He was asleep on the chair in the living room when we went to bed,” Jensen said. Rein nodded.
“But he wasn’t there before, was he?” Jensen thought for a moment. “No, no he wasn’t.”
“Wait,” Alice said. “Where’s that strange kid?”
“Yeah,” Claire added. “That lazy little cunt’s vanished.” Rein winced at the word. The girl was beginning to revolt her.
“So what do we do?” Frank asked.
“Well, obviously, we find them,” Rein said bitingly. Sandra moaned.
“I’m not going anywhere with that lunatic out there,” she pouted.
“I suggest we split up, cover more area,” Jensen suggested.
“You’re not fucking serious, are you?” Claire said. “There’s a masked fucking lunatic out there and you want us to split up.”
“Split into pairs, I mean,” Jensen said, unflustered by the girl’s hateful tone. “You and Alice, Rein and I, and Frank and Sandra.” Claire scoffed.
“My sister will just get us lost.” Sandra laughed, and Alice glowed red.
“I agree with Jensen,” Rein said. “We don’t know the house, together we’ll never find anyone. And we’re also a bigger target all together; if we split, we might be able to avoid whoever’s out there.”
“He might stay out there,” Alice said. Claire laughed.
“Yeah, out in the rain and fire. No, he’s in already, mark my words.” Rein shook her head.
“It doesn’t matter where he is, we need to find Goddard and James and get the hell out of here. We’ll never make it to morning trapped in this house.” Finally, they all agreed, Sandra most reluctantly out of all. Rein turned to Jensen.
“What’s the time?” Jensen checked his watch.
“Just after midnight.”
“Goddard said there was a local cop that comes by every morning, which means there must be a station close by. If we can get out into the forest, hide near the road, we should be safe.” Jensen nodded. Rein started as the sound of glass smashing broke through the rain and fire.
“He’s in,” Sandra breathed.
“We need to move. Now.”

*****

Rein ran out of the room, Jensen at her side.
“What the hell?” Rein said, looking around. They stood in a long, dark hallway, without any doors. Jensen turned around and found himself face to face with a wall. The others had completely vanished, along with the rest of the house.
“What the hell is going on here?” Jensen said in awe. Rein felt along the walls. They were definitely real. Jensen grabbed her shoulder, causing a small shiver of disgust to creep along her spine. “We need to move, Rein. We have no choice but to follow this hallway.” Rein nodded. Jensen was right. Besides, it had to lead somewhere. Together, they began to run down the hall.

Sandra spun around in darkness. She screamed out her husband’s name, falling to her feet. Still, the ground spun beneath her.
“Frank!” she screamed, desperately trying to claw her way along the pitch black floor. Suddenly, the ground vanished and she was falling, falling, falling through the darkness, flashing colours whirling around her. She wailed helplessly, spinning down into the abyss.

Frank heard his wife’s scream float through the air, but he couldn’t move. He was standing waist deep in something that felt like snow. Frank reached down and grabbed a handful, letting the substance fall through his hands. It was thin and papery. A light flashed on somewhere ahead and in its dim light, Frank saw that he was stuck waste deep in a giant pile of shredded money. At the bottom of the pile, he could just make out the silhouette of a man holding a cigarette lighter.
“No!” Frank screamed, struggling to free himself from the money. The clown mask grinned up at Frank, the lighter flicking on, off, on, off. Then, with a deft flick of his wrist, the masked man dropped it into the money pile. For a moment, nothing happened, then with terrifying speed, the shredded paper ignited, tearing up towards Frank. The masked man laughed as the flames consumed the mountain in bare seconds. He dropped a single note with Frank’s name and one other word written on it, placing it just out of the fire’s reach.
Last edited by kdownes at Aug 26, 2009,
#2
I'm not quite sure what you are trying to say with this. Linkage me the previous segments. How much more is there to be written?
#4
It's finished. Umm, about four more parts, or three. Not quite sure, haven't counted yet
#6
OKay, I've read them all. I'll now try to make a small critique (you know, what I usually suck at doing).

Well, Part I was okay, I usually tend to like introductions, however, and this goes for the whole piece, you need to improve your describing skills. I know this is a shor story and not a book, but descriptions really make things richer and paint a brighter picture in the reader's head.

Then, part II came, and things turned out as Saw, meeting Se7en. Which I liked, but then, in the end it started walking across a "suspitious" path. It just seemed that it was something I've seen before in the "common" horror movie.

Now, part III added "Scream"'s teen slasher type of mood, and keeps going on what I call a wrong way. The seven deadly sins are clearer now and the slasher is kind of evident. However, at the end of this part you added a surreal imagery like some thing on "1408" (or whatever that movie's called with John Cusack), which takes us to a "better" world, however, it's hard to forget the masked man always killing people

However (again), this seems like it was a big twist on the end and nothing really special going on until then, at least it's what you're giving me until now. I'll wait for the end, and I'll drop a comment on every part you post just for you to see what I think.

Again, try to work on your descriptions, make them the most accurate you can. (I tried to say something productive, hope it helped )