#1
And with this ill condemn you
and with this ill resist you
now you know why i hate this
it was an ignorant trust and a deathly kiss

put a nail through our skull
your sky turns red
and the destruction, terror begins
while you sit upon your silver throne
you watch our blood spill and we still cry for you in hell

what have you done to us
we looked up with disgust
what did we believe in
and you said we were born with sin
in a world with so many gods
there're none to lay our trust within

Kiss our lips goodbye
your illusions helped us lie
we thought we were safe
but we were proven wrong

(Chorus)

And with this i condemn you
(believe in me)
and with this ill resist you
(die for me)
and you cry for us
(but we wont come)
now you fall
(god bless us all!)

You all probably know what this song is about. its not yet complete but i would like to see what everyone has to say about this so far. critique it please!
#2
Not big on the subject of religion but the imagery here is definitely the strongpoint of the piece. Some of the line endings are slightly clumsy in the form of naked lyrics but with some guitar and drum br00t4lz thrown over it you should be good to go.

C4C?
#3
Thank You. I shall change it and post it up later. Yeah ill check out your songs.
#4
There was a lot to like about this piece. First off, I commend you for taking on a socially conscious subject such as religion's faults. It is always refreshing to read something on here about something other than girl troubles and what-not.

There times in this piece that shined and others that didn't. There were parts where I could hear your voice and it seemed like each word was deliberately put in its place, and others where it seemed like you just threw it there without thinking about it (I'm not saying that's what you did, but that's how it came across).

For example, one redeeming part of this piece was the third verse. This part really shined in my opinion. You forcefully stated your view while maintaining a good flow. So great job on that.

However, there were other parts where it seemed like you just threw it on there because it may have been the first thing that came to your mind. For example, the fourth verse is not saying anything altogether new. I think it detracts from the song and adds nothing truly significant or anything different that hasn't already been expressed. Just my opinion though.

Other than that, I enjoyed this.
here, My Dear, here it is