#1
it used to be like,
if i stared too long at paintings
they would come to life
and take me to the moon
where we would pick flowers
all day long and it would make me
forget everything for hours on end.
but then my parents explained to me
that life's not supposed to be a nice thing,
and that the moon was out of bounds
for little motherf[b][i][/i][/b]uckers like me:
now if i stare too long at paintings
my eyes hurt.



oh, hullo. wait, why am i posting this?
Last edited by michal23 at Aug 11, 2009,
#2
This made me smile in a very wry manner. This is more what I like seeing from you. Less piddle, more grittle. Dig?
#3
Wonderful read, Michal. You're a really talented writer.

it used to be like,
if i stared too long at paintings
they would come to life
and take me to the moon
The flow here is a little irksome. But I suppose, as it's so laid back it's not the end of the world. I also get the impression a seamless fluidity would of further cascaded this into even warmer territory.
where we would pick flowers
all day long and it would make me
forget everything for hours on end.
but then my parents explained to me
that life's not supposed to be a nice thing,
and that the moon was out of bounds
for little motherfuckers like me:
Love the vulgar language here.
now if i stare too long at paintings
my eyes hurt.

Less "pittle" and more "grittle" is indeed a good way of expressing how I also feel.