#1
Set sail for failure, daily the mail tells tall tales of wages unpaid,
love unsavoured and prospects derailed
(bravery prevails)
whilst flailing, we bail from this ship of jailed retailers, failed entertainers and
junkie trail-blazers who can but gaze on in amazement
as lapses in prosperity perhaps spell disaster for the manufacture of laughter
whilst the piratical chaps raise a glass to the past and take drastic action to
ensure that the poorer class have easier times to endure than these
unsure, forlorn with doubt, devout, making vows to earn more money,
to be funny is social currency but less sunny by the day is this age of dismay
as we wave to the glory days from a safe distance away
setting sail for failure
drifting, drifting
away, away, away, away


^^Just a poem I just wrote...kinda Dylan/Kerouac influenced...its just Basically about the decay of our society, and the times in which we live

Any criticism/advice/comments would be greatly appreciated!!
Cheers
#2
This is good, even if I did read it as a kinda Eminem song :p haha but in all seriousness this was good the only line I didnt like was unsure, forlorn with doubt, devout, making vows to earn more money, it just didnt flow that well the way I read it

if you dont mind criting my newest piece Finding solace seems to be my biggest problem theres a link in my sig