#1
So I actually wrote the intro for this song a looong time ago, and I just got around to writing the rest of the song today. For this one, I know the bass sucks but it wasn't one of my focal points. I tried to create an eastern sound within the song (japanese mostly), and I'm pretty happy with how it came out. I also tried experimenting with some melodies on a koto to give it an even more eastern sound. Anyways, hope you enjoy, and I'll do C4C as well!
Attachments:
Kumoi.zip
#2
sounds a bit like its a bunch of melodies strung together. but the little clean part with the koto melody was kick ass.

I ask for a C4C, but I don't have anything that sounds... well. good. lol.
#3
Quote by AvengedFoghat
sounds a bit like its a bunch of melodies strung together




Awesome work here dude. Kind of Born Of Osiris like, I'd like to hear more !
We can only guffaw at all the humbug we are told about martyrs.
#4
Great stuff. I really like that eastern touch. I thought the koto-parts were particularly awesome. 4/5
#5
aah this is a nice one, nice melodies and the Koto gives it a pretty asiatic touch.
it's pretty epic indeed, goes ahead to power metal.
what I did not like is the timing of the guitars, esp. in the Verse.
I found it kinda weird cuz there wasnt a real flow .. so to say.

but still a good one, love the strings you put in there

7,5/10
#6
dude, that was f u c k i n g fantastic. omg, the koto bit sounded just like the sounds track to the game okami. my fav sound track to anything ever. good stuff, 10/10
#7
Finally, something in this forum worth listening to... This forum has kind of died.

It starts fairly well, but to be honest, I wasnt too into the Verse. I didnt hear any of the Japanese influence really until the Chorus, so the Chorus, even though I really liked it, stuck out like hell. The Post Chorus coming after it isnt all that great either. The change happens a bit too fast I think.

The first solo was excellent as usual. The Re-Intro was also well executed. And the end was quite good.

Meh, I think it would have been cooler had I been able to hear the eastern influence in more than the chorus, solos, and intro melody [a bit].
#8
I loved this, very melodic and technical (at some parts) and great use of the Koto. The riffs and the solo were really nice too, fit the song perfectly, although if you harmonized the slower notes in the solo it would have been much cooler.
Bar 126 was an awesome comeback of a cool riff, and the ending was also nice.

As you can see I didn't find anything bad in here, so 10/10.

Crit mine: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1180324?
#9
^thanks for the feedback everyone I know that some of the stuff doesn't really flow too well, but I wrote like 80% of the song in less than a day, so I did kind of rush it haha. And I know the verse riff sounds weird, but I intended for it to be that way cause it's a riff in 13/16 played over a 4/4 drum beat, so yeah. Does anyone have any advice on how it could flow any more smoothly?
#10
I actually liked the the 13/6 over 4/4 polymeter on that part. I think for one thing, you should probably build up more to the re intro later in the song. It just comes in too suddenly for me.

I also think that a super epic harmonized lead is screaming to be written right before the clean outro, again to add more climax into the resolution of the song.

You should expand on the chorus a bit too. I always tend to make my choruses sixteen bars to allow them to sink in. Otherwise, it just sounds like another verse that's rushed through. A little variation in the lead and rhythms should do the trick in continuing that part.

That's all I can think of now, but what you have is really cool.
8/10
Do you mind commenting on my concept songs? It's in the sig.
#11
BADASS DRUMS! i love the koto! i also like how youre expanding your musical styles. my favorite parts are the 13/16 polyrhythm, then when it kicks in full force in the verse i couldnt help but head bang. bar 38/pre-chorus I. LOVE. THIS. PART. are you secretly in born of osiris? that rhythm and the drums here make me cream. im sorry. but its that good, no exaggeration. chorus: the koto is a nice touch really atmosphery, and solid melodies. i know youre looking for feedback but your song needs not feedback. even in a day you write a song that has a good quality of originality...keep writing man. youre one of the most original writers on here, but if i heard a new song from you and didnt know it was yours, i would recognize it. it seems to me you know your own style. you dont need us mere mortal's feedback. all i can say is perhaps make more interesting bass and look over your song and see whatever youre not *fully* happy with and change it with trial and error. normally i would suggest to add a unique quirk such as an exotic instrument, but the koto fulfills that...good work. /rambling
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#14
Nice intro. Awesome, but not my taste. Verse was good and heavy. Pretty generic though. Pre Chorus too. Chorus was nice, but weird. That's not bad though. I liked the solo. RE-Intro was awesome. Outro was by far the best part in the song, although it was all good. 9.5/10 Not something I'd listen to, but really good nonetheless. Only problem was the drums, but it might be the MIDI. My songs are in my sig.
#15
From what you envisioned it to be (japanese influenced) it doesn't meet that one bit, using the koto sound helps, but it still has an arabian sound to it.
Other than that it's pretty good metal, good variation I never felt bored by a riff and as others have said the verse is a bit weird
#16
Beggining reminded me of Goddess Bound by Protest the Hero. Sounded really good though.

Riff 22 was nice! I can't believe it was in 4/4 though. Best part was when the strings came in.

The chorus was good, but the koto was a little too loud, and I didn't like how you had the ride doing 16th notes, it just sounded wierd. Maybe change it to closed high-hats.

The big slides at 134 sounded super cool, but yeah good luck playing them lol.

Outro was definitely my favorite part. It had the best atmosphere, and the drums were really good. Great job on that.

Overall, this was a great song. 9/10. Not much you could improve, honestly.

Crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1183924
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