#1
C4C.

Changelog

Finished acoustic part. Minor changes to solo
Made clean part a tad longer because so many requests to do so.
I actually do agree it sounded better when I listened
Attachments:
A#minor August15.gp5
Last edited by mtgold83 at Aug 16, 2009,
#2
Sounds pretty sick to be honest mate.

Reminds me of like at the gates or darkest hour a bit so basically swedish melodic metal


x
Dreams Are For Pussies.
#3
Haha thanks. I'll check those bands out to maybe gain more ideas and turn this into melodic metal i suppose xD.
#4
Looks nice. But for some reason I can hear the distortion guitar only, I think I have problems with playing midi sounds.
Anyway an advice regarding notation: from 19 you are only using 3tuplets which actually means you changed the timing itself. So instead of using tuplets all the way change the time from 4/4 to 12/8 (so change from normal time to compound time). Of course this will change the time of other instruments also (but practically they are in compound time as well).
This should make the notion look a bit better and easier to read because you won't have to use tuplets at all.
Last edited by atira at Aug 12, 2009,
#5
Sounds like proggitty prog to me, sort of on the metallic side. I guess the vocal style would play a big part in classifying it.

Anyway, I loved it, although I thought from bar 16 onwards wasn't nearly as good as the intro. I'd definitely consider doing more stuff like the intro, with all the different things going on at once and the clean and distorted guitar going at the same time.
I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF GALWAY
#6
Haha the intro was a more Posthardcore styled part. Its my speciallty but i am trying to take this somewhere other than PHC =/. Thanks though.
@Atira could you explain? lol I am confused. :]
#7
Fair enough, but I'd still recommend trying something else with the complexity of the intro, if not the genre.
I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF GALWAY
#8
okay thanks for your recommendation. I suppose I could put a real lead over that build up... We'll see. But anyways I added a new version. lowered the tempo a bit and made some minor changes, finished the solo. Its meh.
#9
Quote by mtgold83
@Atira could you explain? lol I am confused. :]


Yeah I guess it's a bit confusing, it is a somewhat difficult topic, or at least it was for me.
Simple time is when the beats devide into twos. Compound time is when the beats devide into threes. Every simple time has its compound equivalent.
2/4 -> 6/8
3/4 -> 9/8
4/4 -> 12/8
Just try it out, guitar pro recognises this. Put the notation from 19 into 12/8 and cancel the tuplets. I can tell you now that it will look the same just without those tuplets.

On the other hand, if I think about it, the tempo will feel different because the bps remains the same but the tuplets will change into normal eights. Hmm...
Last edited by atira at Aug 12, 2009,
#10
yea thats why i was confused.. like what is the tempo change gona have to be...
143 x . 1/3
then... 143 + answer = new tempo?
#11
hm.
the intro is a bit strange to me because i'm not taht into prog metal / rock whatever you wanna call it.
though I like the melody the Distortion Guitar plays right after the beginning.
the groovy part is good, may get a bit annoying in time .
keep it up.
#12
I always wondered how people choose tempos like that
Okay it does make things complicated so skip it
#13
Hey, thanks for the crit of my song first of all.

I really liked the intro, the first couple bars had a good rhythm going. You might try repeating it once before the other guitar comes in, but I'm not sure. I also really liked the rhythm you built at 11-15.

When the next riff started, I felt the pedal tone should be changed, but after it progressed more it felt more natural. At 26 and 30, I was expecting to hear 11's instead of 12's, but I think what you have works also.

The strings added a good other layer to the song, and also brought everything together more. They did a pretty good job of building up to the solo. The solo was a little clumsy at first but began to pick up at 51. The last four bars of the solo worked really well.

Overall, good drum variation, and I liked the separate timings of the drums and guitars, it actually worked and didn't sound too muddled. Though, if it is a finished piece, it did end rather abruptly. 8.5/10 Good work.
"We are not concerned with motive, with higher ethics. We are concerned only with cutting down crime-."
#14
Nah its not done :P. Umm at bars 26 and 30 the 12s couldnt be 11s otherwise that would be a G. G isnt in A#Minor scale ]: and nah the piece isnt close to done lol.
#15
Oh boy. I used to know the math for this a long time ago. Let's see if I still can.

To make it easier, the tempo should be divisible by 4. So in this case 144.

At this point you want to forget specific notation, and look at in a manner of time and bars.

So at 144bpm you'll get 36 bars in 1 minute. 144bpm / 4beats per bar = 36 bars.

At 12/8 you need to figure out at what bpm you need to get 36 bars that are 6 beats long into the same space as 36 bars of

There are two ways to figure this part out.

The long way: You have 2 extra beats per bar. which accounts to a total of 72 extra beats. (2 extra beats x 36 total bars = 72 extra beats + 144bpm = 216bpm)

Or 36 bars x 6 beats per bar. = 216bpm. But I can't explain how this works, only that it does

Sorry if my explanation is poor. I'm sure someone can translate my gibberish into something that makes more sense. I always failed my math classes because despite being able to nearly always come up with the correct answer, I couldn't for the life of me explain how. And to be truthful, I did this just to see if I could remember how

Sooo, now onto something more useful... Crit as I listen

Love the intro. Great progression/note choice. Although, I really hate when people write music without considering playability. It just kinda cheapens it. Nitpicky I know, but why write music that doesn't stand a chance of ever getting recorded.

Anyway, the pauses at 7 and 9 were very cool. The lead part at 12 was also great, and really added a lot.

Bar 15. Didn't like what you did here. You were doing a really fantastic job of building up that intro, and then you just kind of dropped the idea in favour or an entirely new riff.

21 is a great riff, despite the fact that it feels entirely separate from the intro. It does feel kind of empty though. Largely because of the lack of bass, but I can kind of hear the jazz guitar or even a synth holding chords in the background. Some kind of subtle filler or something.

And oddly enough, in 31 you did just that. Now all you need is bass. I must say though another 16 bars of this same riff is really really boring. Melody, vocals, something needs to go here to keep the song fresh and moving.

Again, at 47 you've done exactly as I've suggested, but at this point it's almost too late. Also I really disliked the lead from 47-54. The phrasing, timing are boxy and dead, the note choice is also rather random and dead, and doesn't really go anywhere, and again it's not really tabbed in a logical or playable way.

55 was much better. Although, I think you should be holding that D# in 55 and 59 for either a half or whole beat into the next bar. Starting those phrases on the and of 1 or on the 2 will get rid of the boxyness.

Good transition into 63, and from there right to the end is excellent. Although I do think that you could have left one of the guitars (probably the second) as a jazz guitar, instead of changing both to OD. Some kind of slow melody wouldn't hurt either.
#16
Quote by mtgold83
Umm at bars 26 and 30 the 12s couldnt be 11s otherwise that would be a G. G isnt in A#Minor scale


So what? There's no pressing need to stick to a single scale, and there's absolutely no reason you can't substitute notes from one scale into another. It happens all the time in popular music.

In any case. sticking a G in there would give you a natural 6 instead of the flatted 6th from the minor scale. So, you'd end up for that one bar using A# Dorian, which is perfectly acceptable.

Not saying you should. Simply saying there's no reason you couldn't.
#17
Oh i know I CAN do it. I just dunno if it'll sound good lol. I guess i have to try. and I shall xD
#18
That was rather good. The intro was great, I especially liked the drums there. The riff on bars 12-15 was simple but effective, although it did feel a bit empty (it's probably the lack of bass). The following riff is also quite simple but it works really well, and the strings added a nice touch. The lead in bars 56-62 was probably the best part of the song for me; really nice and melodic. The ending wasn't bad, but I think it was a tad repetitive, especially since you used the same riffs on the intro and first part. I think it'd be better if you at least used variations of those riffs, even if only for the outro bit.
Also, I think the whole song would be better with a bass.

7.5/10


By the way, I'd appreciate if you could check out my newest song (last link in sig)
#19
My friend helped me by adding a new solo . I think its better. anyone?
Btw.. this isnt the end of the song lol.
Last edited by mtgold83 at Aug 14, 2009,
#20
This is pretty cool, it definitely has a prog/phc intro. After that I think it kinda delves into a straightforward metal sound. That's a good thing seeing as how it sounds pretty epic. I would like to see some development on the fisrt part as well, but I dont know how you wanna go about that. solo was good. and yeah you may want to clean up the actual composition time and bar-wise.
#21
Ok redid alot. this song is now good even for my standards and i always hate my songs no matter how much quality they contain. Please crit. I'll crit back u guys but u need to give me a link lol.
#22
Sounded like a solid song. I'm not a big fan of that kind of music, but it sounded solidly put together, except I wasn't a big fan of that section where the strings came in. It didn't really blend all too well to me.
#23
thats strange . the strings were the root notes of the riffs so i dont see how that works. ):.
but thanks for the input :]
#25
The intro has a really great feeling to it, but it went to fast to distortion for me. Just as Alex i'm not really into hardcore, but some riffs were catchy and the solo stuff also was also well put
and thanks for you crit, i know the lyrics suck pretty much, just needed them for the melody to come out right, i'll work sth out there soon
#26
Crits everywhere!

As I said before, I love the intro, especially the few bars with both distorted guitar and jazz guitar, the transition there is awesome. I guess because of how awesome those bits are it's slightly disappointing when it changes to fully-distorted so quickly, but it's not a big problem. The arpeggiated verse is a great addition, I love the melodies in there. The chorus is nice, but maybe a tad anticlimatic, I think choruses should be the climax of the song.

Bars 35 onwards completely changed the mood of the song. The solo there was cool, but wasn't particularly memorable, maybe putting a few of the technical guitar melodies like the ones in the arpeggiated verse would improve it a lot. The melodic second half was great, but I think was a bit too restrained, a few shreddy flourishes or technical fills here and there would be nice.

I loved the acoustic guitar bit there, it reminded me of some of Devin Townsend's soft stuff. Since it seems to be unfinished, that sort of happy metal stuff might be a good direction for the song to go in, if you haven't got anything specific in mind yet.
I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF GALWAY
#27
Oh yea im about to post the finished little acoustic part check it out in about 10 minutes ty for the crit :]
#28
Thanks for the crit on mine.

I'm sorry, but I don't think it can be made better than it already is. :p The outro is absolutely excellent! And unless it's going directly into another song, I would recommend a fade-out.

It kinda reminds me of In Flames, Evergrey or something. :>

9.5/10
Last edited by CheesyMozarella at Aug 15, 2009,
#30
yeah the midi didnt work for me either i put the all on rse.
it also sounds really but i dont like the drums in parts, they ruin the flow with the open-closed hihat buisness.
the ending melodic bit is lovely
8/10
#31
The intro was pretty good. The drums threw it off for me too though. Try fixing those. Try some variation in the clean guitar part too because it gets a little repetitive to listen to.

The lead melody at 25 was painful to listen to. I just didn't like it very much for some reason. I would replace it with another part.

The part at 33 was really cool. I enjoyed the interplay between the two guitars and the harmonies at the end of the phrase. It flowed well and was very creative. Good job on this part.

The key change was a bit awkward, but once things settled, it was pretty good. The rhythms in the solo were a bit awkward. Try staying in mostly triplets and then come out of them when you feel the time is right, instead of the opposite which is what you're doing in the solo now.

The acoustic bit sounds much like a Coheed and Cambria song. I think it sounds empty as it is and needs a bass part. Maybe add a bass solo or something.
Sorry if this was too harsh.
C4C? I'd really appreciate some comments on the concept songs.
#32
bar 81 onwards made it the best day of my life.
Dreams Are For Pussies.