#1
Well I'm waiting
With my faceless cream,
Toxicated,
Trying to stay standing,
With a,
Tear Scarred Hankerchief,
In my hand,
Trying to make up for lost ground.

(Trying to express my feelings in a whisper.)
All That You Have Left Behind.
#2
Quote by VintageMayhem
Well I'm waiting
With my faceless cream, - What exactly does this mean?There was so much in this piece you could have elaborated on.
Toxicated, - I hate this word here. I would find a new one.
Trying to stay standing,
With a,
Tear Scarred Hankerchief, - I didn't know tears could scar things. You could find a much better word.
In my hand,
Trying to make up for lost ground.

(Trying to express my feelings in a whisper.)



Way too many unnecessary line breaks, and it makes the whole thing choppy and awkward to read. I don't like the commas at the end of each line either, or the capitalization at the beginning of each line. Kind of throws me off. You could have taken this idea and made it into something much longer and deeper than it was.

If you could, it would be awesome:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1180920
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black