#1
hiya

wrote this ten minutes ago

what do you think?

still to write music for this piece but i was thinking something along the lines of puddle of mudd/daughtry/nickelback styled music.

i close the door its getting late
thoughts of you all turn to hate
i feel this aching in my heart
its so much harder when its dark
i see your picture on my phone
if i turn it off im all alone
ive got so much more i need to say
why did it have to end this way?

with your lies i'll always know...

chorus

and now its over things are bad
i saw this coming from the start
you didnt have to do all this
break my heart and leave me here this way
everything you meant to me
is forgotten in your memories
and after what you've done to me
i know that we were never meant to be


words are sometimes hard to say
i knew that when i saw your face
a picture says a thousand words
well ours were never even heard
did you say you loved me
so you would think that i would care?
and when you lay next to her at night
did you wish that i was there?

with your lies i'll always know...

chorus

and now its over things are bad
i saw this coming from the start
you didnt have to do all this
break my heart and leave me here this way
everything you meant to me
is forgotten in your memories
and after what you've done to me
i know that we were never meant to be


sometimes
i feel like i am drowning
ive got too much emotion deep inside
and sometimes
i remember you and smile
but only for a while yeah

i saw you with her the other day
she's just so much better than me
she understands all your lies
while you go out there every night
looking for another girl
to break thier heart
and share thier world
always needing something new
but will never leave when asked to

chorus

and now its over things are bad
i saw this coming from the start
you didnt have to do all this
break my heart and leave me here this way
everything you meant to me
is forgotten in your memories
and after what you have done to me
i guess we were never meant to be
#2
Quote by mcflying_high
hiya
i close the door its getting late
thoughts of you all turn to hate
i feel this aching in my heart
its so much harder when its dark
i see your picture on my phone
if i turn it off im all alone
ive got so much more i need to say
why did it have to end this way?

with your lies i'll always know...

This verse is ok. It feels to much like the rhymes are forced and your abridging meaning for rhyme (ie the third-sixth lines). I like the last line though. It's a nice connection to the chorus.


chorus
and now its over things are bad
i saw this coming from the start
you didnt have to do all this
break my heart and leave me here this way
everything you meant to me
is forgotten in your memories
and after what you've done to me
i know that we were never meant to be

This is a good chorus. It's more emotional than the first verse and there is more creative language.

words are sometimes hard to say
i knew that when i saw your face
a picture says a thousand words
well ours were never even heard
did you say you loved me
so you would think that i would care?
and when you lay next to her at night
did you wish that i was there?

with your lies i'll always know...

This is so much better than the first verse. It has so much more emotion and body to it. Even if it doesn't rhyme, it feels like it would fit in a song better than the first.


sometimes
i feel like i am drowning
ive got too much emotion deep inside
and sometimes
i remember you and smile
but only for a while yeah

This is a decent bridge. The last line doesn't seem to fit because it doesn't have the emotion that the previous lines do. I'd revise that last line or just remove it.


i saw you with her the other day
she's just so much better than me
she understands all your lies
while you go out there every night
looking for another girl
to break their heart
and share their world
always needing something new
but will never leave when asked to

I don't understand the last line, but that's just me :p I think you should switch around the fifth and sixth lines, but otherwise, it was a nice way to conclude the piece.



Overall, pretty good. Just work on that first verse