#1
i wrote some lyrics and a friend told me i should post them here. i figured i might get some good feedback. so here they are. i call it "God Room"

Every day the same
Every night the same
Sitting in a dull room
Dulled emotions
Dulled moon
Thoughts of pleasure fill the mind
Kill, rape, hide
Genocide

One night a window appears
Down below, the street is low
I see a homeless man
The filthy cretin digs through a can
Finding the measliest scraps, such a man
Searching more
Finding not but four pieces of bread
Sitting on a bench the **** begins to eat

What’s this?
He pauses
He waits
I watch
The clasping of his hands
The bowing of the head
He thanks
My god, he thanks
He thanks my god

Not to sound selfish
Not to sound offhand
Naught a man can pray to my god
Can such a **** feel enlightened too?
Dan, the prophet Dan, said divide
Dan said to divide people into groups
There are those who deserve
There would just be me in said group
Care not for anyone else, no one else

Under the fringe of my seven inch weapon
We all look the same under the fringe
This mire begins to be as it is, lesser a person
Screaming
Squinting
Seizing
Squealing
Off this ****er’s terror I binge
Back to the room
Back to dull life
Imagine in twenty years myself will be meeting God
Happy to see me
Ready to accept me
Willing to forgive me
Able to behold me
#2
The first stanza really stood out in a bad way. It didn't fit particularly well with this, nor was it up to the par the rest of this set.

For the rest, you had a bit of a tendency to either make adjacent lines similar or even the same save for one word. This was more of a distraction that anything else.
Other than that, though, this was pretty solid
If you could take a peek and say a few words at Weightless Hallelujah in my sig, i'd really appreciate it