#1
After a long hiatus I am back. Got my new amp the other day (kicks more balls than a midget by the way, line 6 valve hd100) and wrote this song.

Inspired by Nevermore.


C4C as always, leave the link in your post. Peace


Quote by 'lyrics'

Verse 1:
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Born, into this lifeless world,
I seek the warmth of my mother's past
Born, with no purpose in sight.
I long to dream and leave this land.

Born, confused and dazed,
Left here to gaze at the infinite sky.
For peace never arrives.

Chorus:
=======
The stars are a signal,
Left here by the Cold.
They warn of the time to come,
They warn me for I have no soul.

Programmed at birth.
Like every living being.
Am I a machine?
Do I exist for I believe?

Left here, to stand alone,
I face the darkest night.
The stars are a signal,
A cry of helpless plight.


Verse 2:
=======
No past, no future
Nothing here makes sense.
Why was I created?
Why must I repent?

From whence did I come from?
Will I ever return home?
Unless this planet is mine to call own


Chorus:
=======
The stars are a signal,
Left here by the Cold.
They warn of the time to come,
They warn me for I have no soul.

Programmed at birth.
Like every living being.
Am I a machine?
Do I exist for I believe?

Left here, to stand alone,
I face the darkest night.
The stars are a signal,
A cry of helpless plight.


Last Verse:
============
Three million years to think
My mind no longer works
Trapped on this rock I decay into dirt
Why was I brought here?
Why must I remain?
My goal in life is clear
The stars hold the key




Brownies to the person who can tell me what this song is about.
Attachments:
standalone_tabreezazad.zip
"Our revenge so everlasting sweet,
Enslave your Children, Behead the weak,
Kill every last Man, Woman and Machine
The cleansing has begun.
Your meek defense is foolish,
we come from the stars a trillion strong."
Last edited by cptazad at Aug 13, 2009,
#3
Pretty tops. I can hear Warrel's voice when I read the lyrics. To be honest, theres not much to criticize here. There's really nothing wrong.

I'll try though;
I'd consider removing/changing the crash-splash bit in bar 26, the rhythm is a bit uncomfortable. Everything else about that riff/section I awesome though.

Anything I haven't mentioned, you should assume is perfect.

The Chorus riff is especially awesome.

Because this is such a crappy crit, i'll just say again that everything is tops. There's really not much to say. You've certainly achieved what you set out to do.

for the kind words on mine, too. I'm not sure i've ever recieved such praise from something I pulled out of my arse.
#4
Quote by Butt Rayge
Pretty tops. I can hear Warrel's voice when I read the lyrics. To be honest, theres not much to criticize here. There's really nothing wrong.

I'll try though;
I'd consider removing/changing the crash-splash bit in bar 26, the rhythm is a bit uncomfortable. Everything else about that riff/section I awesome though.

Anything I haven't mentioned, you should assume is perfect.

The Chorus riff is especially awesome.

Because this is such a crappy crit, i'll just say again that everything is tops. There's really not much to say. You've certainly achieved what you set out to do.

for the kind words on mine, too. I'm not sure i've ever recieved such praise from something I pulled out of my arse.


And where do I think I pulled this song out of? lol

All my songs are usually pulled out of my ass or thin air (at least someone likes my ****...literally)

I was going over the lyrics just now and I realized which Nevermore song I got the idea from (in terms of rhythm for lyrics), Sorrowed Man, great song btw.
"Our revenge so everlasting sweet,
Enslave your Children, Behead the weak,
Kill every last Man, Woman and Machine
The cleansing has begun.
Your meek defense is foolish,
we come from the stars a trillion strong."
Last edited by cptazad at Aug 13, 2009,
#5
I always was your fan But I prefer you to write more catchy 'n death-ish songs. Deadfall's album was great! This song...hm....I like Pre-Chorus /Chorus parts...I see some "Schaffer style" riffs in there) I totally don't like bar 164 and et cetera. They are not of this song) But WTF - I'm waiting for the new stuff from ya! Keep it cool and stay metal, bro! `m/
#6
Thanks for the crit on mine. I don't have Guitar Pro on my laptop so I'll have to use MIDI and crit by seconds.

First off, great job with the intro, or about the first twenty five seconds of the song - the sound was excellent, it was very full, and the flow was really there. However, the transition at about 25 seconds in felt a bit strange to me and also I'm not a huge fan of the actual riff itself, it just really contrasts with the feel that your intro started out with. Nevertheless, I'm guessing the rest of the song will be more with this dark tone so I'll get used to it. Also, I wasn't a huge fan of the lead, although it wasn't bad, but it did fit well with the rhythm under it.

Once the song gets to about 1:05 the flow comes back for me and I'm enjoying it quite a bit more here, especially once you add in the harmonies at about 1:30, great part. I also didn't expect the faster section at about 1:40 either at all really but I think you did a nice job with the transition and I like the riff itself quite a bit, particularly once you start harmonizing it.

I did enjoy the part that started at about 2:20 but I think you let it go on for a bit long, but then again if there's vocals over this section then that won't be a problem at all. At first I wasn't too sure about your lead starting at about 4:20 but although it's simple, not sure if it'd even be called a lead, it works with the song well to keep that dark atmosphere so nice job with this.

I also wasn't expecting the transition back into the clean part but it also worked pretty well, but then again I'm just noticing you go right back into the faster section once you finish off with a lead, I don't know, it's just a bit too much of going back and forth in my opinion. Not that the riff is too bad, but the fast riff to follow your most recent clean section really doesn't compare to some of your previous ones in this song in my opinion.

Then once again you go back to the clean section to finish off the song with, it's just a bit too much of going back and forth for my taste - I do like the part itself though.

Overall, the song has some excellent sections to it and you have some great riffs, the only flaws I can really think of are in structure and arrangement. Personally, I didn't mind going from slow to fast and back and forth for the first few times, but it just seemed like a bit too much by the end of it. The parts themselves are good but maybe think about how they work together.

Good work overall though.
#8
Good job. I liked the transition. The sweeps in the beginning sound a good bit like Bleeding Mascara by Atreyu, haha.

I think if you work on the structure of the song, it will be much better.

C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1181321