#1
I recently went through a lot of things, and it's had a snowball effect. It's been harder and harder to keep going, and while I know it sounds pathetic, I just don't know what to do. Hopefully writing a bit will help. C4c obviously.


Woke up choking, the truth lodged in my throat
I would do anything, for another lie

Something to keep me going, something...something...
A comfortable falsity to lose myself in, to coax me to sleep

No. Nothing.
And I hesitate, while on the point of exhaustion, because tomorrow will be just the same.

Just the same.
Waking up is a slap to the face, knowing I made it through the night.

The light keeps getting dimmer, "it will get better in time", "You'll look back and see how much better it is now".

If only I knew.

If only.

For now I'm just waiting, waiting until I find a reason to continue.
All the shoulders I used to lean on, are absent, how convienient.

I need a reason.

Hope.
#2
I enjoyed this. I love when people write through catharsis because that's when I think they're most honest with themselves and when they write their most honest pieces.

There were a lot of lines in there that struck a chord with me. For example, this line: "A comfortable falsity to lose myself in, to coax me to sleep". This really rang true for me, how we are willing to hide within a lie because the truth is too painful; it is "lodged in our throats".

I also this was paced really well. The one or two-lined, even one-worded, stanzas worked to your benefit to slow down the reader and really create this drawn-out feeling of resignment; a feeling not of contentment but of exhaustion. I feel that really tied into the theme of this.

My one suggestion would be to consider revising the first stanza only because I feel like words like "truth" and "lie" are so overused that they've become cliche. It may just be a personal preference but I don't feel anything when these words are used, they're too broad and impersonal if you know what I mean.

That being said, I thought the choking metaphor was great so I'd keep that in but just find a different way of expressing of the truth is choking you.

Other than that, great piece and I hope everything works out.
here, My Dear, here it is
#3
Thanks a lot I'll take note, and probably work on it tonight. Would you like me to crit the one in your sig? Or another?
#4
Yeah, if you don't mind doing the one in my sig, I would appreeciate it.
here, My Dear, here it is