#1
The darkest alleys and the unlit streets
Paths chosen by the restless mind
So we gravitate like moths to friends
to keep grey matter occupied

Laying awake the clocks tick on. No solitary smiles
break through as eyelids build false idols all the while

Don't know where I'm heading, but I hope I get there soon
That the one I'm looking for intercepts me, guides me through
All I know is I won't find her in my room

Attempt to crawl out up to the light
My nails snap off every time
The cave envelops me. There's no escape
From visions I would rather hide

Laying awake the clocks tick on with no sign of the dawn
Shadows, faces next to me, but company is gone

Don't know where I'm heading, but I hope I get there soon
That the one I'm looking for intercepts me, guides me through
All I know is I won't find her in my room

Restless mind wander on to destinations past
Try not to stumble on the thoughts I'd rather mask
The sunshine never lasts
#2
hey i really like this song it really appeals to me as something that i would listen to. But i picture as a real heavy power chord kinda song with a melodic lead guitar, how is this song supposed sound? and could u please look over my piece, crit it as you will.
#3
The song was written on acoutic guitar and came out with a bluesy/acoustic-punk feel, quite heavily influenced by Frank Turner

I'm hoping to get a couple of tracks written and recorded just with acoustic guitar so that I have some stuff to perform myself, then once I'm happy with them, do a re-write with a full band in mind
#5
Don't know where I'm heading, but I hope I get there soon - Great line , really makes you think for a bit.

So we gravitate like moths to friends
to keep grey matter occupied

That doesn't really work to well , grey matter occupied kind of breaks the melodic character of the verse and usualy when people hear grey matter the first thing that pops into their head is not a pretty picture.

You should try to make it a bit more abstract and a bit more unique.
Things like The sunshine never lasts and All I know is I won't find her in my room are verry generic and used in so many songs it makes me sick.

Your lyrics really have potential , they are vivid and raw in a sense , you have something here , just try to impove it a bit.
Cheers.
#6
i gotta agree with kroatan on this piece-"
Don't know where I'm heading, but I hope I get there soon
That the one I'm looking for intercepts me, guides me through
All I know is I won't find her in my room"

it was in my opinion the strongest, most developed, and most thought provoking for me. my only problem was using the cave in the fourth stanza. for some reason it seemed out of place with the setting i had imagined for the rest of the piece.

c4c?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1183935