#1
I've got this thought

You've got my mind

I try to hide

But you just find

How I abide all my time


I know your mine

You like to cry

Because I am so fine

Sweetness I apply

I like to to try


Everything I say you listen to

I see how you love me so

I see you glisten

When I speak of what we are

And how we love


Made use of

All the fun

And I've got my babe

You've got your hun

We're not afraid


Everything I say you listen to

I see how you love me so

I see you glisten

When I speak of what we are

And how we love
#2
Hmm... there's no real substantial depth in these words... they're just sort of broad, sweeping statements and generalisations about very vague emotions... it would be better if you could focus in and really show, not just tell about it, that's what all the good song lyrics do, because then people can relate to it better, if it's a concrete feeling and emotion. Has potential, but not quite there yet, I think. Revise a few more times maybe?

I'm a harsh critic, but I respect your work. Keep it up, just try to not be so vague. xx