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#1
For example, my brother asked me

"Why is Obama a Republican?"

My 6 year old cousin who lives on Park Ave in the Upper East Side of Manhattan said,

"My family is really poor"

yeah I know shes 6 years old, but it still made me lol.

Post your funny quotes
#3
My Mom: (when talking about masseuses) "Oh, it's just people tryin' to get their jollies by rubbing people's blubbery bodies."
For a minute there
I lost myself
#4
"Are you gay?"

Mostly random fat chicks ask me this question.
#57 in UG Top 100 2010!

I really ought to get my username changed...
#5
Marshall MG's are better than those pieces of crap Line 6 Spider III's...


I responded... "But... They both suck... *Head Explodes*"
KLH & KGB
11/28/09
#7
"Indians are dirty"

My brother while playing Halo 3.
Blindfolds aside I'd probably still close my eyes

And try to feel a trembling fetal life inside
that shotgun barrel that's about to make me bleed

Like an ulcer in the stomach of the beast


Quote by Aurex
your sarcasam amuses me


CSUSM
#8
my friend was listening to gunslinger by a7x (they suck ik, ik) the other day.
He says "wait... I thought bands were supposed to be anti-war."
"Bullshit is the glue that binds this nation together."
-George Carlin



The Human Fund: $0.00
PM me to donate
#9
Quote by KGB_INC
Marshall MG's are better than those pieces of crap Line 6 Spider III's...


I responded... "But... They both suck... *Head Explodes*"


That reminds me, I was at guitar center (it was like 2-3 years ago and I didn't know any better) and the guy working there said "For a practice amp I would go with a Line 6 Spider III or a Marshall MG 30DFX"

And the worst part about it: I bought the Line 6, returned it because it sucked, and bought the Marshall. =(
#10
Quote by valerie.flames
My Mom: (when talking about masseuses) "Oh, it's just people tryin' to get their jollies by rubbing people's blubbery bodies."



I can imagine that being said in a Midwest American accent for some reason.
WHOMP

Think of that next time you are not allowed to laugh.
#11
My English Teacher : "What are the 5 w's?"

Who WHAT when where why?!
Goodness gracious me!
#12
Quote by Bizarro
My English Teacher : "What are the 5 w's?"

Who WHAT when where why?!

well done good sir.
Quote by texasthrasher
Cover your ears(or they WILL be raped) that is ****ing great


I survived weeding out 09'
#13
Quote by B4Dkarma
my friend was listening to gunslinger by a7x (they suck ik, ik) the other day.
He says "wait... I thought bands were supposed to be anti-war."

This quote. Specifically the comment on A7X.
Quote by guitar-godfrey
when i grow up i wanna have blackandsilver's babies!

Quote by angusfan16

Quote by Scowmoo
..
HOLY HELL.

nice discovery, sir.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last edited by coryklok : Today at 01:10 PM.
#14
Everything Mike Tyson has said.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwFW834Mrcc

Please watch.
Quote by Sonicxlover
Kensai, I think I'll get a flamboyant sig.

Quote by Sonicxlover
Kensai, I think I'll get a flamboyant sig.

Quote by Sonicxlover
Kensai, I think I'll get a flamboyant sig.


Parker Nitefly Mojo sonnn
Jackson DK2M Dinky
Carvin Legacy
Fender Blues Jr.
Roland Cube 30X
Last edited by Sonicxlover at Aug 16, 2009,
#15
Quote by Bizarro
My English Teacher : "What are the 5 w's?"

Who WHAT when where why?!


I don't get it, probably because im full of fail.
#16
my little cousin-"i want to get a gibson les paul custom cause they look way cooler than my squier strat."

me-"but you don't even know how to play a guitar."
#17
Quote by KGB_INC
Marshall MG's are better than those pieces of crap Line 6 Spider III's...


I responded... "But... They both suck... *Head Explodes*"


They are though, I can get a decent sound out of an MG...
You can call me Aaron.


♠♣♥♦
Out on parole, any more instances of plum text and I get put back in...
#19
Obama is a republican because he's the president of a republic.
Quote by TunerAddict,mdawg24
+Infinity

Listen to ExtremeMetalFTW, he knows what he is talking about...

Quote by vmanoman
I clicked System Restore and it said "System Restore Is Unable To Protect You".

^^SO KVLT!!
#20
"Are you gay?" - a girl while I was starring at her boobs.
Fender American Special HSS Stratocaster
Ibanez 1987 Roadstar II Deluxe
Yamaha THR10X
Marshall JCM900 SL-X
Ibanez WD-7 Weeping Demon Wah
TC Electronic Polytune
Seymour Duncan Tweakfuzz
#21
Quote by master
while getting screwed:

"You look like Frogger."

Frogger.

She had a frog fetish?
Quote by TunerAddict,mdawg24
+Infinity

Listen to ExtremeMetalFTW, he knows what he is talking about...

Quote by vmanoman
I clicked System Restore and it said "System Restore Is Unable To Protect You".

^^SO KVLT!!
#22
Quote by JesusCrisp
"Are you gay?" - a girl while I was starring at her boobs.

You should have grabbed them and said "Does that answer your question?"
Quote by TunerAddict,mdawg24
+Infinity

Listen to ExtremeMetalFTW, he knows what he is talking about...

Quote by vmanoman
I clicked System Restore and it said "System Restore Is Unable To Protect You".

^^SO KVLT!!
#23
Fender American Special HSS Stratocaster
Ibanez 1987 Roadstar II Deluxe
Yamaha THR10X
Marshall JCM900 SL-X
Ibanez WD-7 Weeping Demon Wah
TC Electronic Polytune
Seymour Duncan Tweakfuzz
#24
Quote by ExtremeMetalFTW
She had a frog fetish?


I have no idea, but my complete surprise at the statement made me last a few minutes more.
#25
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"

"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family"

George Bush
#26
i was a track with my brother and he went and laid on the floor and stated to the coach

"i feel like a banana coach"

another time he argued with our teammates then in the desert you can drink sand instead of water cause it has all the minerals you need to survive
#28
"No one can beat the Jonas Brothers they're the best band ever"

"WHAT?!"

THIS IS MY SIG. BE JEALOUS.
#30
Anything said by Sarah Palin made me go then
Quote by MakinLattes
I'd kill you and wear your skin.
Quote by Siv During Livh
To attempt to have intercourse with a hornet's nest is a very bad idea,

Voted UG's worst cross dresser.
Also voted #95 on UG's Top 100 2013. Like it means anything....
#31
Quote by AbsolutePower
http://www.youtube.com/user/PingasWrangler

You think YOUR quote was lulzy? This girl/boy/it on YouTube thinks Slayer is worse than the Jonas Brothers, lol.


His username is PingasWrangler and his channel is ****ing Sieg Heil Jonas. How more painfully obvious could it be that it's a joke?
Quote by Shredder XXX
how about the way your entire country generalizes a culture by the actions of a few, citing any Americans idea of a middle eastern person.
#32
Quote by Duffman123

"LOL funny quotes"
George Bush


"We, the American people, must, in these times of *Teleprompter dies* Hrm... uh... I'm black."

- Obama
Blindfolds aside I'd probably still close my eyes

And try to feel a trembling fetal life inside
that shotgun barrel that's about to make me bleed

Like an ulcer in the stomach of the beast


Quote by Aurex
your sarcasam amuses me


CSUSM
#33
Quote by sneyob
"We, the American people, must, in these times of *Teleprompter dies* Hrm... uh... I'm black."

- Obama

Sauce?
Quote by TunerAddict,mdawg24
+Infinity

Listen to ExtremeMetalFTW, he knows what he is talking about...

Quote by vmanoman
I clicked System Restore and it said "System Restore Is Unable To Protect You".

^^SO KVLT!!
#35
all pit viewers are fapping addicts

phhh what lies
'09er
Quote by aaciseric

I hate you too much to be able to answer this thread properly. You misleading swine.

Quote by HeavyReverb

you dont win. f^cking 09er


Quote by emad
Morello Wannabe
Post back and I'll temporary ban you.
#36
Quote by TheIceCreamMan
His username is PingasWrangler and his channel is ****ing Sieg Heil Jonas. How more painfully obvious could it be that it's a joke?



I know, its still lulzy
#37
"Yeah, I don't play bass chords well because my fingers aren't strong enough."
"That's because you don't tie knots!!!"

Good times...
If 4 more people tell me to go back to writing The Vanishing Point, I will.


UG's Commie Pinko Bedwetter
#38
Yogi Berra is the king of these. Here's a page with some of his quotes:
http://www.rinkworks.com/said/yogiberra.shtml

"You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."

"You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six."

"If you come to a fork in the road, take it."

"Do you mean now?" -- When asked for the time.

Quote by DiminishedFifth
Who's going to stop you? The music police?
#40
Quote by Homerun Hero
IMA BEAT YOU WIT A FRIED CHICKEN WING!!!

friend on CoD 4 and Halo 3


HAHAHAHAHA OMG LOLZ




I love those Bush quotes.
Get a Carvin. Do it.
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