#1
Ok, the title is not definitive yet, the lyrics are just something I've been working on.

As she lay dying into a new world
I miss the life I used to have
A life of innocence, dreams and happiness
She took it out of me and dragged me down

I said I'd stay with you, I'd do what you wanted
I made an impossible promise
I new I couldn't keep it, I knew it would drag me down

I used to love her, now it's just madness
It's gone overboard and into the deep end
it'll never go past and it will not heal
that one laugh too much made me lose it

He used to dance, he used to shake
now he's turned into someone else
he always promised he never kept
now he's off away from pain
away from all that used to strain
he meant what he lied, he meant what he said
he said all that cared, he cared for everyone
everyone for one and one for every him

It was impossible to please her
She was disrupting my entire life
I couldn't stand, I couldn't say without getting kicked away
And now she's died into someone else
Gear:
Fender Jazzmaster
Boss DS-2
Digitech RP150 (with Line6 EX-1 Exp pedal)
Orange Crush 30R


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#2
I don't like the title, but if you're sticking to it make it grammatically correct. About She.
There's potential here but it doesn't flow very well and the jump to third person in the 3rd stanza (the long one) is a little confusing. If this is a song it would have to be sung by another vocalist to make sense.
Also, I'm not sure I like the death metaphor for her change into another/different person. It could use some work.

Take a look at one of mine?
Preferably this one:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1176578
I want Super Saiyan abilities
#3
I've never properly critiqued another writer's work before so bare with me here.

I really like the first stanza. Very well written and it sets the mood nicely in my opinion. I do agree that it doesn't flow very well and that you could have gone into the 3rd stanza more smoothly. I do, however, like the last line "And now she's died into someone else". Good way to end this piece.
"I'm sick of following my dreams man. I'm just ask where they're going, and hook up with them later."