#1
Just kind of curious as to how this turned out. It's not too far off from my own style anyways. Leave links.


I live in fear of the day
that my costume closet is empty.
I'd have to spend each minute as myself;
greet people with a mechanical phrase,
offer up a sweaty handshake
and explain how I'd love to play dead
but my batteries couldn't take it.
I'd have to quit smoking on Mondays,
drinking on Wednesdays,
and heaven forbid
I'd have to give up
having seven birthdays.
I'd have to fill all of my
newfound free time with things
like therapy, business magazines,
and friendships made of
awkward moments.
"What's the big deal" you say?
Have you ever tried walking on water
with your own two feet?
#2
I like it but add more rhyming
Hello, my name is Phillip McGraaw


I have PhD in Women's Studies/Immigration trends from University of Texas at Austin.

I am an Indian who immigrated to America 7 years ago. I like Warehouse 13, Twitter, Guitar, etc.
#3
I have to agree with phil, it was a good story, but it lacked literary devices
No one throws away porn, their like heirlooms, pass them down your family tree!
#4
Why does it have to have literary devices?

I live in fear of the day
that my costume closet is empty.
I don't like "costume closet" that much. I think it's too early on for something so obscurely poetical. The tenses lack any fluidity and pizazz, as well.
I'd have to spend each minute as myself;
greet people with a mechanical phrase,
offer up a sweaty handshake
I didn't enjoy the comma, followed by this line. It had a craggy feeling to it. Too unpolished.
and explain how I'd love to play dead
but my batteries couldn't take it.
This line doesn't flow very well from the one preceding. I'm not sure if the idea it fits all that comfortably, either.

I'd have to quit smoking on Mondays,
drinking on Wednesdays,
and heaven forbid
I'd have to give up
having seven birthdays.
I'd have to fill all of my
newfound free time with things
like therapy, business magazines,
and friendships made of
awkward moments.
This had such a magnetic flow to it and a truly unique tone. It was like you were a bitchy house mum, stressed-out from being uncoordinated. The sense of blandness in the character and their lack of focus on what is important is astonishingly well documented. Although it doesn't really link in with the introduction.
"What's the big deal" you say?
Have you ever tried walking on water
with your own two feet?
I like the ending, but in the end, it's not what I wanted. You lost that enigmatic voice to a common literary question -- which is the easy way out for a writer. It's one of those moments where it just comes together so well, you forget what you've written prior to it; you forget expression.

This was a shine, just for that middle section.