#1
Knowledge, I fear, is the only friend left
such a deadly friend
who has no boundaries
In my mind it haunts me in my sleep

and until the confusion is over
the checkered floors will be square
I fear tomorrow is the day i fall from
my throne of black and white
in spite the steps of gold

Next time as I tinkle the bell
Ill think of this time
and my past mistakes
the deception of dreams

When the wise men dispose of the fools
who are the wise men then?

Seen in my wake
a river of destruction
the sad stares of the beggars
and the proud stares of the nobles
This is the world I created.

This is a poem more than a song. It could very well be turned into a song, a prog-rock song ofcourse. It is unfinished, will be adding more soon. This poem is about a nobleman/king and his thoughts. The dream mentioned in the poem is the power he holds.
#2
Quote by slenmill
Knowledge, I fear, is the only friend left
such a deadly friend
who has no boundaries
In my mind it haunts me in my sleep
i like it but im not a huge fan of "in my mind...haunts me in my sleep." maybe take out the "in my mind"

and until the confusion is over
the checkered floors will be square
I fear tomorrow is the day i fall from
my throne of black and white
in spite the steps of gold
what exactly does falling from a black in white throne despite the steps of gold mean? is there any meaning to it? i mean, it sounds kinda cool but doesnt seem like theres any meaning. maybe its not supposed to have meaning.

Next time as I tinkle the bell
Ill think of this time
and my past mistakes
the deception of dreams
i dont like the word "tinkle"


When the wise men dispose of the fools
who are the wise men then?
Pretty cool. Took me a second to think about what it meant but i like it.

Seen in my wake
a river of destruction
the sad stares of the beggars
and the proud stares of the nobles
This is the world I created.
I like this. i can kind of visualize it in my mind. I like the last line too. I think its a cool way to end it.

This is a poem more than a song. It could very well be turned into a song, a prog-rock song ofcourse. It is unfinished, will be adding more soon. This poem is about a nobleman/king and his thoughts. The dream mentioned in the poem is the power he holds.



Overall i'd say its a good piece. I think it would/could make a good hard rock or metal song. Keep it up and thanks for the crit.
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