#1
I know this needs work. Help me out. Also, I'm wondering if anyone thinks this might be worth making some sort of series out of, maybe not using this exact piece but the general idea of it. Leave links.


Day 75
Letter # 71
I hope this one makes it to the top.

Dear Angie,

I've long since settled in.
Yesterday I bought a coral couch
and love seat that go perfectly
with my seaweed curtains.
Now all I need to finish the place off
are two seahorse lamps
and a welcome mat.
The food has taken me a while
to get used to,
but the flounder at the market
has been very helpful
in telling me how to hide
certain tastes and textures.

I kind of expected
to have grown scales and gills by now,
but I'm still soaking in the skin
that my mother gave me.
I haven't seen any other humans
down here, though I'm sure I'm not
the only one whose ever gone overboard;
I suppose they all forgot
that they could hold their breath.

It hurts me to say,
but I've been having trouble
remembering your face.
Ironically, the only picture
I had of you got ruined in the rain.

I've missed you love, keep searching for me
and I'll keep searching for a way out of here;
I know we'll be together again some day.


Day 76
Letter # 72

This will be my last letter.
I won't even send it up.

Yesterday I was taking a nap
when something landed in my bed.
It was a note tied to a rock,
and it read:

Sweetheart I've waited as long as I can,
76 days with arms stretched and hands open.
I truly am sorry and wish you the best.
You should have come up for air
while you still had the chance.

Angie
Last edited by bassbeat77 at Aug 19, 2009,
#3
"I suppose they all forgot
that they could hold their breath."
- I didn't like this at all. It was saying too much and was worded poorly.

"Ironically, the only picture
I had of you got ruined in the rain."
- I'm not sure whether adding the humour here was worth the alteration of tone.

Other than that, this was a really nice read. I don't think I'd want it in a series, though.