Poll: s like this
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View poll results: s like this
red
2 18%
green
2 18%
bleu
4 36%
orange
0 0%
purrple
6 55%
Voters: 11.
#1
3 DAYS MULTI-VOTE DO NOT VOTE FOR YOUR OWN

"Lonely Girl"

I tangled eager eyes with you
Across a crowded party room
I could see your thoughts were true
My heart and soul will call for you
Once this wild night is through
On a roof beside the calming blue
Love-drunk beneath the jealous moon

(Chorus)
Lonely girl
Where did you come from?
Lonely girl
Would you like to have some fun?
Lonely girl
Where did you come from?
Lonely girl
You and I could have some fun

We could take the train
And a bottle of wine
Go slipping away into the night
I'm thinking, girl, you just might find
I'm not like every other guy
I can make you feel all right
You and I can own the night

Sunshine warmth calls us to rise
I see the tide rising in your eyes
But you don't seem to be one for lies
That stinging pain I've long despised
The bittersweet lash of cold goodbyes
I'd rather sing the ballad of you and I
Don't bother asking me why

Oh, lonely girl
Don't you walk away
Lonely girl
I could be yours someday
Damn you, girl
You know I don't just want to give you away


Is it Acceptable to Have an Argument With Yourself?

Stress-relieving silence fills my head
All my misguided feelings take an awkward trend
Lay back down I’ve got a cure
Tilt your head and I’ll make sure
Every sign of infection ends


So will I take advice from a dreadful fiend?
I ask myself, “Will this end my suffering?”
No it won’t, it’ll cause decay
The question now is why I’m listening
To the unreliable monstrosity

I’ve got an answer but I’ll just wait
I’ll fix you up and cause you pain
You channeled out my long, lost page
And brought upon my ****ing shame
The memories I thought would fade
The undertaking left ablaze
I promise you I’ll make you pay
I promise you, you’ll die today


Oh, God, did I do all that to you?
I thought it was a bit ironic
How you left me, and ignored me
I thought it was me who deserved recompense

No, I’ll just count to ten
No more again, this has to end


So, this is the end, but why am I happy?
Is it disappointing that I have no remorse?
So, this is the end, and now I’m free
Is it discouraging that I’ve made no plea?

Just turn your head, stay motionless
Just say a prayer and with success
I’ll make this quick, I’ll make this quick
I’ll make this quick, I’ll make this…


*click*


eyes converse
around our fire
open, my heart is bare; unzipped
but warm within you
and you make the cool night air so, light
a midnight sun content will burn
as that cold chasm is relieved

warmth manifests the soul
in turn
manifests you
rejuvenates the broken; love, bones
a body once called home

petals pass through the wind
and kiss our breathing lips
they meet once more
and disperse


Yellow Face

Verse 1
Oh, WillyNilly.
So ****ing silly,
always dance around:
you are a total clown.

Chorus
OH OH OH
WI-I-LLY WILLY
NI-I-LLY NILLY
SILLY SILLY
Yeah!

Verse 2
Eyes so close,
mouth: black rice!
Yellow smiley
You're so handy!
Ho!

Verse 3
Never leave this town,
and never get to frown!
UG needs youuuuu.
Or we'll get so-o bluuuuue!

Chorus x2


ICARUS


i've lasted the duration of my youth
in a doorless room
with one window;
staring at the sun that never set,
as little silhouettes
of eagles and seagulls fluttered past.

but never a man.

at first i was disenchanted that the magic
of flying was reserved for the birds.
but soon i realized,
science is for those who choose to believe it;
it's for prisoners thinking of flapping away
and sneaking under the horizon's crease,
only to look at gravity as a pit of spikes,
resigning themselves
to what others say.


but i'm a metaphysicist,
embarking on my own empiricism;
observing the earth and taking notes
that will never find the pages of a textbook.
but will be imprinted in the minds
of other wide-eyed children,
looking at the sun
from their doorless rooms,
when they see man
instead of fowl in their lonesome views.

that's why i've banged my head against this window
until it shattered through.
so i could soar past the youth,
and see it dawn on their faces
that we're meant to see so many other places.

I have no wings of wax,
I have no wings at all
but I'll jump despite it.
Because
once you surrender to the air,
you can ride it.
Last edited by cubs at Aug 20, 2009,
#2
Red: The first line caught my attention but there was never really much afterwards.

Green: "I've got an answer..." Horrible English, I despise seeing those first two words together, completely redundant. The rest was okay.

Blue: Too hard to read. No punctuation which meant I had to do more than just read, I had to interpret where the breaks were rather than naturally run over them were there commas and full stops. There was very little plot, too.

Yellow: Well...it's yellow.

Purple: Poor lines breaks in places and again, very little punctuation. Everything else was pretty good.


Purple.
#3
Purple.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black