Poll: y si y asi
Poll Options
View poll results: y si y asi
red
7 54%
green
3 23%
bleu
3 23%
orange
1 8%
purple-
2 15%
Voters: 13.
#1
3 DAYS MULTI-VOTE DO NOT VOTE FOR YOUR OWN

Little Trembling Boxes


I painted myself red today
and dusted off my lonely heart.
It started beating again today, that useless little heart.
The feeling of blood
pumping through my thirsty veins
was familiar, and refreshing
compared to the usual battery acid.
I painted myself red today
and ripped out my fragile heart.
The warm, reassuring pulse
rippled through my skin and swam up my arms,
permeating everything I touched.
I painted myself red today
and offered you my tender heart.
If you want,
you can tear it apart.
I wouldn’t mind, I’m sure it wouldn’t care.
It wouldn’t be anything that hasn’t happened before.


So let’s get carried away and destroy each others lives.
We’ll paint each other red.
Blood red,
with the blood on our hands.
I’ll shatter your soul
and you,
you can starve mine to death.
Yeah, let’s obliterate who we are, our very identities,
and we’ll have the time of our lives doing it.


Oedipus Eyes


I have seen the beauty of this Earth,
And I have known that beauties worth.
With these eyes, I see the end,
And will show you in its wake
The greatest of all kingdoms, friend,
Before our world shall quake.

With these eyes, I have seen legions bow at my feet,
And I have seen the greatest of beasts, turned to meat.
But all I see now, is what has been left for me
To rule with this hand of lead.
I saw then the tragedy
The curse upon my head.

But all I see now, is the hand of fate,
And to destroy this life, is its mandate.
No longer will I watch this world,
Or gaze into the bright azure hue.
My lowly existence has come unfurled.
Its true meaning has come into view.

I have seen the beauty of this Earth
And I have met the fate of my birth.


"Crossing Fingers"

A one way ticket to home
Fighting my way through traffic
Where the smell of hot tar slowly rises
To meet my lips as we talk on the phone
The flash of headlights shine
Like the beautiful eyes that await me
Across the freeway
Telling me it's fine

Crossing fingers where the skin contrasts
To make the blandest plaid
Crossing fingers makes me believe
I can make this feeling last
The silver shades of the moon
Gleaming out of the somber black clouds
Keep up with these broken yellow lines
Playing tricks on my eyes as it becomes the night's noon

A strange warmness on my skin
The branching of Summer into Fall
The quietness that a change
Of seasons will rush in
A left turn, then a right
The things you will notice
As you are driving
At night.


Breathe in. Stand up. The oxygen dives deep into my lungs. But the air is filled with a poison. The toxin is now freely circulating in my body. It hurts as it cools all parts of me. My bones and soul. Somehow I finally feel alive, a little to late now. Look down and around. The graffiti combines art and waste. This voice has never been seen by travellers who pass underneath it at 50 miles per hour.
I´m no longer in hurry though.

Through raindrops I see you standing,
under the bridge.
Unable to speak one little word,
mouth wide shut.

You spot me. Shout. Cry. I don´t understand anything you say. I´m slightly loosing control about myself. Is that what you want? This can´t be what you call love. The bridge is old, majestic, but weathered. Such irony. Time is slow, our love is low. Time. You told me once that it wouldn´t change your mindset.
But obviously you were wrong.

Through raindrops I see you standing,
under the bridge.
Unable to speak one little word,
mouth wide shut.

Fade away. Loose balance. The trees are turning into grey needles breaking out of massive concrete. It´s getting colder. But I had no other way to get through this mess. Your eyes are like small fireballs now, while everything else gets blurred. I can hear warm voices calling my name now and there is a bright light in front of me.
My body sinks to the ground.


Through raindrops I see you standing,
under the bridge.
Unable to speak one little word,
mouth wide shut.


Hey there daddy bear
I know you see me growing older
I make my own choices now
It had to happen sooner or later
Now don’t get too upset
Because no matter what I’ll always be
Your little girl

I know it’s hard to think about
All of the things you could have done
You could have seen me turn out
To really be someone
But you got to stop your questioning
You really did alright by me
I love who I’m turning out to be
So just let me free

Hey there momma bear
I know you see the path I’m taking
I did it for myself
I know you think your helping
I love all you did for me
But you know no matter what I’ll always be
Your little girl

I know it’s hard to think about
All of the things you could have done
You could have seen me turn out
To really be someone
But you got to stop your questioning
You really did alright by me
I love who I’m turning out to be
So just let me free

Hey there brother bear
I know you’re always looking out for me
You just want me be my best
You understand me more than anyone else
I’m grateful for all you did
And you know no matter what I’ll always be
Your little sis

I know it’s hard to think about
All of the things you could have done
You could have seen me turn out
To really be someone
But you got to stop your questioning
You really did alright by me
I love who I’m turning out to be
So just let me free
It’s now that time I venture off alone
Nothing you do or say is gonna change the path I’m going
I thank you all for what you did for me
I don’t think I could ask for a better family
It’s just that time you let me free

I know it’s hard to think about
All of the things you could have done
You could have seen me turn out
To really be someone
But you got to stop your questioning
You really did alright by me
I love who I’m turning out to be
So just let me free
Just let me free
Just let me free
#2
Red: Repetition was a distraction from a good piece of writing.

Green: It read awkwardly. The fact that rhyming was used for words people don't necessarily rhyme, it felt forced throughout. Also, there were commas in there where there shouldn't be any.

Blue: Second line of second stanza was awkward at best. It has the smell of unfinished about it. The metaphors and similes were sometimes bland, sometimes wonderful. Consistency is the key.

Orange: A few spelling mistakes, and one-word sentences which I'm not really a fan of. I do like the layout however.

Purple: The wording was a little suspect in places and words were missed out all together. Nevertheless, I fell good piece which seem to be rarer than aliens these days.

Red.
#3
Quote by Dæmönika
Red: Repetition was a distraction from a good piece of writing.

Green: It read awkwardly. The fact that rhyming was used for words people don't necessarily rhyme, it felt forced throughout. Also, there were commas in there where there shouldn't be any.

Blue: Second line of second stanza was awkward at best. It has the smell of unfinished about it. The metaphors and similes were sometimes bland, sometimes wonderful. Consistency is the key.

Orange: A few spelling mistakes, and one-word sentences which I'm not really a fan of. I do like the layout however.

Purple: The wording was a little suspect in places and words were missed out all together. Nevertheless, I fell good piece which seem to be rarer than aliens these days.

Red.


im starting to think that demonica knows very little about poetry...
anyways, input is input is input, take what you want. i think thats someone from the other group will win though, they all seem like better poets.
Last edited by Gods chariot at Aug 21, 2009,
#4
Quote by Gods chariot
im starting to think that demonica knows very little about poetry...
anyways, input is input is input, take what you want. i think thats someone from the other group will win though, they all seem like better poets.


Fuck off, you prick.
#5
Quote by Dæmönika
Fuck off, you prick.

*reported*

There was no need for that sir.


Quote by Våd Hamster
Find a dice and assign a number to each girl. Throw the dice.


The number you hope for at the moment you throw the dice, is the one you'll want to keep.
#7
Quote by thanksgiving
*reported*

There was no need for that sir.



There was no need for gods chariots comment, either.

I'm going to take a wild guess that he's in the other group...
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#9
its not that i took anything personally, but if i critique somebodies work, i wont just pull sh*t out of thin air and pretend to be giving sound advice. i will either talk about what i know, or i wont critique; and everybody should be doing the same.
#11
In other news, this poll is over. How many pieces is the final? I'm assuming 4?
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black