#1
this is a real slow blues song. sorry for mistakes, but english isnt my native language. it would be nice if you could leave a short message.

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oh susanna why do you cry
oh susanna why do you cry
oh susanna why do you cry
oh susanna why do you cry

she sits by a river beside green trees
she sits by a river beside her dreams
she sees the sun rise in the east
she sees the sun hide opposite

oh susanna why do you cry
oh susanny why do you cry

she sees dried blood on her hands
she sees a nightmare haunting her
she whispers over a thousand times
it wasnt me, it wasnt me
it wasnt me, it wasnt me

she hears a siren not far away
she hears yelling just beside her

oh susanna why do you cry
oh susanna why do you cry
oh susanna why do you cry
oh susanna why did you shoot
#2
in the second stanza, the a-a-b-c rhyme scheme doesnt work. i think thats my only real issue. other than that it looks fine. i'm not really a huge fan of it but i also dont think its bad.

thanks for the crit on mine but do you mind elaborating on what it was about those lines you didnt like?
Guitars:
Martin DSR acoustic
Fender Telecaster
Epiphone Les Paul
Amp:
Fender Hot Rod Deluxe
Pedals:
535Q Crybaby>Fulltone OCD>Phase 90>EHX Big Muff>MXR Carbon Copy>EHX Holy Grail
You can call me Matt
#3
Did this happen? If not, what is it relating to? What does this imaginary story signify in reality?