#1
c4c.... enjoy. suckas.

Why can’t I hear the car door slam?
I’m waiting for the front door to open
To see a face, a familiar one
To replace mine that is broken
I’ve been awake for a couple of hours
Cannot get any sleep
Sing me a song, rock back and forth
To cure this disease

Just go ahead
Hang with them
See if I even care
I’m just a nervous wreck
A nervous wreck
See if I think it’s fair

I can tell that you’ve been drinking
I can smell it on your breath
You attempt to make it better
But you’re only causing more stress
What am I, gonna do with you?
In an attempt to set you straight
I can do my best, give it a try
But I will never ****ing wait!

It’s not worth the sleep
It’s not worth the life
That you may give to me
I’m just a nervous wreck
A nervous wreck
I’ll just wait and see

Wait and see!
Rigz.
SX Furrian
Eastwood Mandocaster
Bugera v55
DigiTech DL8
Boss BD-2
Dean Markley Tuner
Ebow

Gear Hitlist:
2x12 Cab
#2
Quote by zeminion
c4c.... enjoy. suckas.

Why can’t I hear the car door slam?
I’m waiting for the front door to open
To see a face, a familiar one I would like to see a line break here instead of a comma, but that's just me.
To replace mine that is broken
I’ve been awake for a couple of hours
Cannot get any sleep I like this idea but I'd like to see it reworded.
Sing me a song, rock back and forth
To cure this disease

Just go ahead
Hang with them
See if I even care
I’m just a nervous wreck
A nervous wreck
See if I think it’s fair
This stanza was good. Very honest and straight forward. I'm not to keen on the last line though. Maybe reword it?

I can tell that you’ve been drinking
I can smell it on your breath
You attempt to make it better
But you’re only causing more stress
What am I, gonna do with you?
In an attempt to set you straight
I can do my best, give it a try
But I will never ****ing wait!
I think you could do without the ****ing. Not because I'm opposed to swear words or anything, but just because it doesn't feel like you've built enough tension to use it.

It’s not worth the sleep
It’s not worth the life
That you may give to me
I’m just a nervous wreck
A nervous wreck
I’ll just wait and see

Wait and see!



Overall I thought this was pretty good. I'm assuming it's a song, but I'm not seeing the song structure. I would say work on the flow. That's about it!

Listen to my covers here.


"Some even claim that I'm a terror, a dictator and they're right." - Lou Reed


AK-ROWDY
#3
yeah its pop-punk and the 2nd and 4th stanzas were the chorus's
Rigz.
SX Furrian
Eastwood Mandocaster
Bugera v55
DigiTech DL8
Boss BD-2
Dean Markley Tuner
Ebow

Gear Hitlist:
2x12 Cab