#1
Well I grow tired of waiting for the PHC competition to end, so I'm just going to post this now

Anyway, this was my submission.

Was a hell of a lot of fun to write, despite causing me ample amounts of frustration and headache, since I've never written or listened to much of anything in this style before.

Be sure to open the proper file. The midi and RSE versions are mixed completely differently, so opening the wrong one will sound plain bad. RSE sounds better IMO.

C4C of course, the more you type the more I type.
Attachments:
Bedlam.zip
#2
Wow.... I'm honestly astounded. What influenced this? It reminded me of maybe Closure In Moscow or Dance Gavin Dance....
Intro. Certainly pulled me in. Did it's job.
Verse 1. I just love the way everything intertwines.
Pre-Chorus. Sounds good, not for any particular reason. Maybe change the bass whole notes?
Chorus. One of the most interesting progressions I've heard in a long time.
Drum break. I'm surprised something that different from the rest actually sounded good to me there, but it's really cool. Maybe one time that you do this you can have it lead into something heavy afterwards? I always feel like something heavy is going to follow.
Interlude. I get lost in this. You certainly are a master at letting instruments work together while not playing the same thing.
Outro. Another great riff, but I didn't feel a whole lot of finality to it.

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1184881
#3
That was amazing.

I'll be honest, the intro was my least favorite part. It just didn't grab me at all.

The verse was great though. I especially liked the little lead lines played over the fast strummed chords.

Pre-chorus definitely kept me interested.

The chord progression for the chorus was sweet. Definitely heard some jazz influence there.

The drum break was awesome! That effect ou put on the drums was just sick, and it sounded totally natural.

Right back into the verse, beautiful.

Good call switching up the drums a little for the second chorus. It's little touches like that that make a song stand out.

The interlude, what to say, it's perfect.

I liked the outro, but if I were doing the drums I would put a bass drum under the cymbal crashes to make it sound more natural. Nothing big, just a minor annoyance.

Overall, great job. Not much you could change really lol. Excellent song. 9/10.

Crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1183924
I'm a person.
Last edited by PinkIsCool at Aug 21, 2009,
#4
Intro:
Nice soft beginning, I like the little hammer-on thing.

Verse 1:
Decent drum work here but it's missing some fill ins.
I love how the song slowly builds up and changes, it's all flowing perfectly...

Pre-Chorus:
...except the transition to the pre-chorus. The dissonant chord at bar 24 is a nice idea, but it doesn't connect to the next part too well. I dont really know what is wrong there, when looking at the tab i cant find any problem but it's not perfect. It's hard to describe for me, but bar 25 sounds more like the end of verse 1 instead of the beginning of the Pre-chorus if you know what I mean.
As usual, I'd recommend placing a drum fill in there...
The riff itself is nice, especially the drum work. I just wonder why the bass is so simple, I have to admit it surprised me.

Chorus 1
To be honest it really sounds like crap. No offense here, but it sounds like a generic pop song. The last 4 chords are just awful

Drum Break
Cool idea and well excecuted, but in my opinion it has a lot more potential. It is quite uncommon that it ends after 5 bars and not 4, I'd really change that. Even you want just a drum break and not a drum solo, I'd put some variation in it.

Verse 2
The transitions are better than in the first one, I like how it sounds different and still recognisable. The slides are good and give the part a nice feel. It seems that there is already some kind of development concerning the story of the song.

Pre Chorus 2
Same as above but better transitions.

Interlude
Bar 105 and 113 really made that part for me. The little Legato fills were very smooth and build up a nice calm atmosphere. The transition the...

Outro
... is the best part of the song imo, the rests are perfectly placed and the drum beat is just great. I like how the song ends on a chinese cymbal

All in all it's a great song with a great feel to it. every rythm and chord progression was well worked out(except for the chorus) and the song could really tell a story.
The only problem is, I was hoping for a nice heavy funky song with incredible basslines and guitar solos but I'm a bit dissappointed now

Redo the Chorus and put a guitar solo in, and the song receives a 10/10 as usual

Please check out a song I wrote yesterday, It's not finished yet and is quite experimental but I hope you like it
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1187476

and If you dont mind, please take a look at this song again, I still got no crit for the second part of the song after the second chorus.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1167836
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
#5
Sorry if my 'crit' is too short, but it's 4 in the morning and I'm sleepy

i havta say, I absolutely loved that. Personally, I don't listen to much post-hardcore, and jazz, I just have a gentle appreciation of, but I loved the use of jazzy chords throughout the song, and I have to say, my favourite parts of the whole song had to be the choruses. I duno if it's just my mood right now, or something else, but that section just went down so well with me. I don't have any real crit for you, other than maybe making a bit of a stronger ending, perhaps?

Anyway, nice job, 8.5/10
#6
I am about to mention 2 bands that should never be put in the same catagory

Early Hopes Fall meets Later Cynic.

there, I ****ing did it.

This is REALLY good. The intro/main theme and the Chorus are the best parts of this. I don't really know how to be detailed about critting this cause I think its a perfect song.

10/10

Here's mine https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1184424
#7
Thanks for the crits guys

Macabre_Turtle:
I'd never really listened to the genre, so I basically listened to a bunch of songs, and picked my favorite of the bunch to base this one on. It happened to be a DGD song. All of the weird chords and stuff came from a jazzish thing I had just started writing (which now is actually the interlude).

Thorbor:

The Verse => Prechorus transition is definitely a jazz thing, I'm just using the guitars to drop down tritones into the prechorus. Anyway, I thought it actually set the transition up really well. You sure it's not just switching from a fast part to a slow part that makes it sound off to you?

The bass in this song kind of pains me. But it had to be the way it is, to properly establish the chords.

As for the Chorus.... I'm not even sure how to respond, other than to stick my fingers in my ears and yell "la-la-la-la" I respect your right to dislike it, but calling it generic pop was just plain mean... And... Gah... Rising chord inversions... chord substitutions... secondary dominants... a lot of work... generic pop... *head explodes*

I too love the outro. Although it's a bitch to play (it's meant to be played on one guitar, I just separated it for stereo effect). I was really tempted to write some leads and other stuff over it, but I thought it was good enough to just stand on its own.

I was so tempted to put a guitar solo over the interlude. So tempted. It's awesome to play over, I've been looping it and improvising over it a lot lately. But I kinda felt that a solo would have taken attention away from what was already there.

As for the drum fills, still haven't got a feel for them. I've always liked your drum tracks though... Perhaps one of these days I'll force you at gunpoint to write a drum track to one of my songs. Or a collaborative effort perhaps?
#8
Before I commence critting, let me just say that I'm typing as I'm listening.

First off, the intro was pretty neat. The first verse was kind of odd, yet still good. I liked it. Loved the pre-chorus. The chorus caught my attention mostly considering it was more melodic than everything before it. Verse 2 was very cool and funky. Pre-chorus 2 and chorus 2 were the same as before, awesome as always.

Interlude = Epic.

Outro = Perfect outro for the song itself.

Overall: 10/10. Then again, I'm not hard to satisfy.

I'd love to hear a recording of the song, vocals included (if there are any).

Thanks for the C4C!
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Listening to: A bunch of forced listening by my composition teacher... some great stuff by Bach, Haydn, Mozart, Schubert, Liszt...


GTA V! ... the 120th game of the franchise.
#9
Well, although this wasn't my favourite in the competition (I grew really fond of Jesse and Carl's songs later), it is certainly a good song.

Intro melody was kinda meh to be honest, didn't fall for it. I really liked Verse 1 though, damned nice chords (minor/major 7ths ftw! ). Actually, that's my main impression of this song: although chords and chord progressions were all very good, melody never really impressed me. Biggest example of that is Pre-Chorus.. just flat 8ths, didn't do anything for me.

Unlike some folks above, I really loved the chorus. Especially the Bb chord on bar 41. Great stuff, it kinda sounds like a classic jazz ballad on steroids.. xD

Introduction of "harmonies" in the following parts was nice (at first I wondered why you didn't let the notes ring on that track, but I suppose it would make the song sound rather cluttered...).

Interlude was my favourite part of the whole song. This time it sounds like a genuine jazz ballad.. xD

Outro, on the other hand sounded slightly funky, a bit like your other songs. I enjoyed (but still liked the interlude better). Ends the song nicely.

Final note to the rhythm section, drums were nice and effective but the bass was a bit overlooked harmonically, not much going on besides octaves and a little melody in the interlude.

If I were judging the comp, I'd give it a 7.5/10 - quite enjoyable but there were some better ones IMO.

Almost forgot - if you wanna C4C, I'm not posting my comp entry on the general forum, but I was looking for some opinions on my most recent effort (last one on my sig).
Last edited by |_JR_| at Aug 23, 2009,
#10
It's posted in the main forum to stand for itself, not to be compared to other songs in the competition.

As I mentioned, bass was the way it was to keep the root clearly identifiable. I played around with it a bit, but most of what I did really threw the chords off. But... The bass in my next song shall greatly overcompensate for the lack of bass in this one

I'm pretty sure I've returned all crits at this point, if I've missed anyone just pm me and I'll get on it.
#11
I actually put the outro on repeat x99 and just listened to it for like 10 minutes. I LOVE it so much. Whole song is amazing work, I'd say top 5 for post-hardcore (you don't beat JesseBlanchard baby, sorry ). Awesome, awesome, awesome! 9/10

- Unique progressions
- Awesome flow
- Great amazing sexy outro
- Outro could be a bit longer IMO :-/
We can only guffaw at all the humbug we are told about martyrs.
#12
Really Nice Song. Usually Not My Genre, But Well. I Really Enjoyed It. Missing Something In The Last Note Tho, I Don't Know Whats Wrong. But Like Everyone, What-An-Interlude. That was Pretty Sick, Would Die To Hear This With Real Instruments! Ok, No, I Wouldn't Die But It's Something I'd Like So Much. Anyway, Don't Know What Else To Say. Excellent Song?

9/10
Rainy Afternoon
Dark Punk Piece
Dead On The Sand
C4C
Member Of Paradox Empire (Singer/Guitarist).
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