#1
i've tried to write lyrics/poetry in the past (like in high school as a wannabe artist or something), and the few endeavors that made it past the "passing thought" phase still ended up as massive failures. recent events seem to have given me a kick in the head, and this is what turned out:


it's all a grand joke, has been all along
i live vicariously through your trials
every up and every down, every smile and sorry frown
part of a sordid soap opera for a weary idol

but of course you cannot know
where oh where would the passion go?
then what fun would it be, such an ultimate play to see,
violated by the actor's awakening?

so with the power vested in me by myself
i hereby condemn you to play the part
flesh out your dreams, form the rising action
and put on a show when they crumble to naught

if you should despair, please don't retire
remember what i've said and heed the actor's call
don't lose heart, keep feeding my fire, 'cause...
no matter what, it still just means fuck-all.


(i'm under the impression that this is the first time i've cranked out a poem that isn't total crap. agree? disagree?)
Quote by archerygenious
Jesus Christ since when is the Pit a ****ing courtroom...

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Last edited by vIsIbleNoIsE at Aug 23, 2009,
#2
its very good, I think its more poetry than it is lyrics that would fit in a song
#3
thanks!

note taken. i'm slightly disappointed about that though, wonder if a little (or a lot of) manipulation could be in order to make it possible for it to be lyrics...
Quote by archerygenious
Jesus Christ since when is the Pit a ****ing courtroom...

Like melodic, black, death, symphonic, and/or avant-garde metal? Want to collaborate? Message me!
Last edited by vIsIbleNoIsE at Aug 22, 2009,
#4
Im not saying they couldnt be, but if you look at most lyrics they are shorter and less complex, these just seem like they would be hard to sing inside of a song structure. Then again, I dont know what style you would be playing, so it may work for you.
#5
maybe if it was sung megadeth-style, eh? hahah.
Quote by archerygenious
Jesus Christ since when is the Pit a ****ing courtroom...

Like melodic, black, death, symphonic, and/or avant-garde metal? Want to collaborate? Message me!
#6
I could see this being sung classic rock style.

Its very possible to put this in a song. I mean hasn't anyone ever heard Cat's in the Cradle?

I really enjoyed this though. You conveyed your thoughts and feelings really well.
#7
"and put on a good show when they crumble to naught"
-- To keep up with the grandiose style of writing, change "good" for grand.
#8
thanks for the feedback.

jbridge90: i'm that kind of person who claims to appreciate most kinds of music, but only actually really listens to metal, so i haven't heard that...folk song?

angrygoldfish: "good" point, i think i'm just gonna take that word out because i've used "grand" already and can't think of anything else off the top of my head to replace it with. and i like having one less syllable there.
Quote by archerygenious
Jesus Christ since when is the Pit a ****ing courtroom...

Like melodic, black, death, symphonic, and/or avant-garde metal? Want to collaborate? Message me!
#9
Quote by vIsIbleNoIsE
angrygoldfish: "good" point, i think i'm just gonna take that word out because i've used "grand" already and can't think of anything else off the top of my head to replace it with. and i like having one less syllable there.
Didn't notice that.

Keep it up!
#10
Quote by ak10
its very good, I think its more poetry than it is lyrics that would fit in a song

I totally agree. You can't have a song without lyrics, and lyrics are basically poetry in another form. Really wanna right a poem, first get a topic. Say love. Then think of something about that topic, love goes with relationships. Write about your relationship with a beginning middle and end. For example when i wrote a poem for my girl it was basically 'this is how i was before i saw you, this is how i felt wen i saw you, this is how i am now' and just describe each phaze. Put this into any topic and there you go. Most people don't realize that besides poetry being a song, it's a story, and if you grasp that, the words just flow out natural. Good luck!