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#1
Everyone has stupid family members. Post the best, most fitting example of their stupidity.

My sister once asked me, "Is AIDS contagious?"

My mom routinely tells me, "God is alllllwaaaaayyyysss watching." She hung a Mona Lisa style picture of Jesus just outside my room.

I was talking to my uncle about different news programs on TV, and he said, completely seriously, looking me right in the eye, "The only man on TV who knows what he's talking about is Bill O'Reilly."

GO!

EDIT: Fuck you.
Quote by Les_Frederiksen
PlayMadness, you give me hope for mankind.

Quote by Darksucker
PlayMadness - Jesus 2.0

Quote by genghisgandhi
Society's doing great. There's a rise of people like PlayMadness. I feel pretty good about the way things are going.
Last edited by PlayMadness at Aug 22, 2009,
#3
"You're a worthless piece of **** and you'll never amount to anything."

That was because my dad didn't like my haircut.

Jokes on him because I'm going to be a lawyer.
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers

If women can be annoyed there arent any women incongress I should be allowed to be pissed off there are no members of pink floyd or the beatles in congress.
#4
Quote by PlayMadness
Everyone has stupid family members. Post the worst example of their stupidity.


you mean the best examples of their stupidity?
Save Gibson

^Do it, if you want Gibson to stop with the poor QC and terrible new guitars...
#5
When we were on the plane going on holiday, we were just a few minutes from landing and my brother turns to me and says, "jeeez the plane's getting a bit close to the ground isn't it..."
Bit of a key moment in landing a plane I guess.
#6
Quote by a7xsteve
you mean the best examples of their stupidity?

It's Semetics, you know what I mean.
Quote by Les_Frederiksen
PlayMadness, you give me hope for mankind.

Quote by Darksucker
PlayMadness - Jesus 2.0

Quote by genghisgandhi
Society's doing great. There's a rise of people like PlayMadness. I feel pretty good about the way things are going.
#7
Once my Dad started explaining to me about Quantum-Mechanics, and then about his invisible Aeroplane that he invented.

Pretty bad example of his stupidity.
Quote by Cobain_Is_King
I got a packet of Love Hearts when I was six and every one said 'You Have a Tiny Penis'

SuperLol'd
#8
"Why do you need to spend a few hundred dollars on a guitar?!Do you think you're a proffesional guitarist?"

-My mom,on replacing my first guitar with a Firebird(400$ lol)
#9
Quote by Firebirdz
"Why do you need to spend a few hundred dollars on a guitar?!Do you think you're a proffesional guitarist?"

-My mom,on replacing my first guitar with a Firebird(400$ lol)

Yeah, my mom did that same thing with me about my amp.

Once my 12 year old brother said he didn't need my help with his cooking and then proceeded to set half of the kitchen on fire.
#11
Quote by Firebirdz
"Why do you need to spend a few hundred dollars on a guitar?!Do you think you're a proffesional guitarist?"

-My mom,on replacing my first guitar with a Firebird(400$ lol)

She is right.
Blog Of Awesome UGers.
Quote by OddOneOut
I seem to attract girls.
Which is annoying, cos I'm a girl and I like cock.

Quote by IRISH_PUNK13
Being an idiot should be illegal too.
#12
"You know with all your problems I doubt you're even my son, I don't have kids with mental shit"

In front of about two hundred strangers in the food court of a mall, on my birthday.

Fuck my family.
#13
Never get yourself into a situation where you need to explain technology to grandparents. Ever.
#14
Quote by PlayMadness
It's Semetics, you know what I mean.

Semantics*
I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF GALWAY
#15
Quote by whalepudding
Semantics*



It was intentional.
Quote by Les_Frederiksen
PlayMadness, you give me hope for mankind.

Quote by Darksucker
PlayMadness - Jesus 2.0

Quote by genghisgandhi
Society's doing great. There's a rise of people like PlayMadness. I feel pretty good about the way things are going.
#16
Quote by PlayMadness


It was intentional.

I was joking.
I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF GALWAY
#17
"Why is your singer screaming, is he in pain?" - Dad

Simpsons said some pretty funny stuff:
"Homer, if a stranger offers you a ride i say take it!"
Darling, Don't lie too me.
#18
Dad, talking to my sister, (after she sais she wants to play guitar):


"U want to play the electric guitar?

Well first play the piano. Then after a few years if you still like it, we'll get an acoustic guitar, untill you are ready to play electric."


That has facepalm written all over it.
Originally Posted by Dawginator
Lord Cheswick, you are a comic genius!


Originally Posted by blommen
the move of a true gentleman sir Jacek. short, civilised, and intellectual. hats off to you good sir
#19
For about two years my entire family thought it was hillarious to continuously accuse me of being gay, even in front of my girlfriend, and list the reasons why.
"Life was such a wheel that no man could stand upon it for long.
And it always, at the end, came round to the same place again."

- Stephen King, The Stand
#20
"why your guitar got only 5 strings?"
Cookie monster genocide my nation! HE MUST DIE MENS

Art is never finished it is only abandoned.

Real mitalhead don't give a f**k if it is Wensday or a dick in the a**
#21
Quote by C0_0kie
"why your guitar got only 5 strings?"



???
Well. Why???
Did one snap?


unless you are saying they cant count?
Originally Posted by Dawginator
Lord Cheswick, you are a comic genius!


Originally Posted by blommen
the move of a true gentleman sir Jacek. short, civilised, and intellectual. hats off to you good sir
#22
Quote by Jacek.W
???
Well. Why???
Did one snap?


unless you are saying they cant count?




Five string bass.
RAZZLEFRAZZLE
#23
My mother:

"You wrote that song yourself?"
"Yeah, i did"
"From the internet?"

The lives of thousands in my hands
I’ve come to take back what’s rightfully mine and now you’re damned
The lights grow dark in their homes
But our road is lit by fire from the sky
So we push forward



Last.fm
#24
Quote by ride-the-spiral
My mother:

"You wrote that song yourself?"
"Yeah, i did"
"From the internet?"


Blog Of Awesome UGers.
Quote by OddOneOut
I seem to attract girls.
Which is annoying, cos I'm a girl and I like cock.

Quote by IRISH_PUNK13
Being an idiot should be illegal too.
#26
"Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too."
Yes, I ****ing do! What's the use of cake if I can't ****ing eat it!?!

"It's always the last place you look."
No ****ing ****, but it's still lost you retard!

"Can I ask you a question?"
Well you didn't really give me a choice there, huh asshole?

"Did you see that?"
No, I paid $8 to go to the movies and stare at the ****ing floor!

"Money doesn't grow on trees."
Oh really? Thank you captain obvious, I didn't know that, you ****!


Many more but my anger management teacher said to keep angry me to a minimum.
Add me or I will eat your kitty!



^Click the heart baby, you know you wanna.^

Quote by Sammythedruggie

touche sir.
#27
Quote by archangels666
I had to teach my mom how to log out of Facebook.

Not exactly a "stupid" moment, but when you have to teach your parents how to use Facebook, it's definitely a faceplam-worthy moment.

yeah, I just told my dad when we got him an iPod just to give it to me and I'll sort it out.

now I have to do it for every CD he gets

my sister once when we were doing a TV IQ test; "when will I be smart?" In context, it was a lot stupider than it sounds now..
"You're a twat!"- That dude in morrisons

"You Ugly git!" - That girl in the restaurant

"You Were a Mistake!" - Mum

just a few of my fans..



#28
Quote by elekguit
"Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too."
Yes, I ****ing do! What's the use of cake if I can't ****ing eat it!?!

"It's always the last place you look."
No ****ing ****, but it's still lost you retard!

"Can I ask you a question?"
Well you didn't really give me a choice there, huh asshole?

"Did you see that?"
No, I paid $8 to go to the movies and stare at the ****ing floor!

"Money doesn't grow on trees."
Oh really? Thank you captain obvious, I didn't know that, you ****!


Many more but my anger management teacher said to keep angry me to a minimum.

.. this reminds me of me (the bold answers)
"You're a twat!"- That dude in morrisons

"You Ugly git!" - That girl in the restaurant

"You Were a Mistake!" - Mum

just a few of my fans..



#29
Quote by elekguit
"Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too."
Yes, I ****ing do! What's the use of cake if I can't ****ing eat it!?!

"It's always the last place you look."
No ****ing ****, but it's still lost you retard!

"Can I ask you a question?"
Well you didn't really give me a choice there, huh asshole?

"Did you see that?"
No, I paid $8 to go to the movies and stare at the ****ing floor!

"Money doesn't grow on trees."
Oh really? Thank you captain obvious, I didn't know that, you ****!


Many more but my anger management teacher said to keep angry me to a minimum.


Way to....Wait, did you really just steal those from the chain letter?
RAZZLEFRAZZLE
#30
Quote by SoWrongItsMatt
Way to....Wait, did you really just steal those from the chain letter?


**** yeah.
Add me or I will eat your kitty!



^Click the heart baby, you know you wanna.^

Quote by Sammythedruggie

touche sir.
#31
Quote by SoWrongItsMatt
Way to....Wait, did you really just steal those from the chain letter?



The eight year old chain letter?
#32
Quote by Mudmen190
The eight year old chain letter?


**** yeah! My sentiments, someone elses work. We're in the pit, do we really have time to come up with interesting stories?
Add me or I will eat your kitty!



^Click the heart baby, you know you wanna.^

Quote by Sammythedruggie

touche sir.
#33
Quote by elekguit
**** yeah! My sentiments, someone elses work. We're in the pit, do we really have time to come up with interesting stories?


Well, as long as you come clean, then by all means.

Hell yeah.
RAZZLEFRAZZLE
#34
Mam: "Why do you have a bottle of wood polish in your room? You're not sniffing it are you?"

Yeah Mam, Pledge is what all the cool kids are sniffing these days.
My Gear:

Washburn 6 String Bantam Series

Fender Mexican P-Bass

Farida Stratocaster

Peavey TNT115S
Last edited by matt169 at Aug 22, 2009,
#35
Quote by SoWrongItsMatt
Well, as long as you come clean, then by all means.

Hell yeah.


Glad you agree.

Well lets see if I can think of something I don't have to steal...

...

...

I've got nothin'. They're stupid, but not funny stupid.
Add me or I will eat your kitty!



^Click the heart baby, you know you wanna.^

Quote by Sammythedruggie

touche sir.
#38
Quote by PlayMadness
It's Semetics, you know what I mean.


I believe you mean semantics. Semetics are people of Hebrew descent. As in Jews.

EDIT: Damn, why didn't I catch that. I'm usually the first one to get the potentially slightly offensive jokes.
Like punk the way it used to be? Deranged Youth Its like what Warped Tour should be!

Want to hear something mind-blowing? Pit O' Bodies Its like an amateur hypnotist plus the Spanish Inquisition!
Last edited by pitobodies at Aug 22, 2009,
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