#1
There's no use to talk
when you have nothing to say,
when words come out in garbled messes
of "pff" and "ssh" with consonants strewn in between.
And all of them are secretly cookie-cut
with scissors from the same mold, words
ripped from magazines and everyday conversation
and tv conversation, and the other half from
dying imagination, and everything that's left
is pilfered from rusty shoeboxes and fast food signs,
then amalgamated together with tape and tapestry
so royal it glows when there is no light.
But that all disappears when the castle
burns to the ground, and slaves and nobles alike
burn to the ground with it, and with it their memories,
all of them strewn down on the ground, lost forever
in a pool of blood, their faces staring up at the sky,
unable to reply at the insults spat over their eyes
and the rape done behind their backs.
But they won't ever feel it, because they are frozen in time.
And at that they can smile.
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#2
"of 'pff' and 'ssh' with consonants strewn in between."
This line disturbs the flow of the piece with the "pff" and the "shh"

But that all disappears when the castle
burns to the ground, and slaves and nobles alike
burn to the ground with it, and with it their memories,
all of them strewn down on the ground, lost forever
in a pool of blood, their faces staring up at the sky,
unable to reply at the insults spat over their eyes
and the rape done behind their backs.
But they won't ever feel it, because they are frozen in time.
And at that they can smile.
Why is it so royal it glows?
Who are these slaves and servants?
#3
Quote by Laces Out Danny
There's no use to talk
when you have nothing to say,
when words come out in garbled messes
of "pff" and "ssh" with consonants strewn in between. This was comfortable, but definitely not up to your normal standard. The first two lines were weak.
And all of them are secretly cookie-cut
with scissors from the same mold, words
ripped from magazines and everyday conversation
and tv conversation, and the other half from The two conversations so close together are very uncomfortable.
dying imagination, and everything that's left
is pilfered from rusty shoeboxes and fast food signs,
then amalgamated together with tape and tapestry
so royal it glows when there is no light. This whole image swings from clever, to strong to weak and back again. I'm still not really interested in anything your saying though
But that all disappears when the castle
burns to the ground, and slaves and nobles alike
burn to the ground with it, and with it their memories,
all of them strewn down on the ground, lost forever Too many "ground"s.
in a pool of blood, their faces staring up at the sky,
unable to reply at the insults spat over their eyes
and the rape done behind their backs.
But they won't ever feel it, because they are frozen in time.
And at that they can smile.


This really didn't speak to me. There was some nice imagery, some ok imagery, and some really bad imagery, but any content was either boring or lost on me. If you're interested, I've got the fourth part of my story up (i know you've been reading it, if no one else is ). "no" in my sig.