#1
Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Part VI

*****


Jensen groaned and opened his eyes. He couldn’t remember anything since he fell through the floor. But however surprised he had been at still being alive, it was magnified by what his eyes saw before him. Jensen gasped with delight as his eyes took in the sight of the magnificent feast spread out on the table in front of him. Roast pork, salads, vegetables, mashed potatoes, even desserts, all cascading over the table. A small card reclined against a bowl of peas. Jensen grabbed it.
“I promised you the food was to die for,
Goddard Smith.”
Jensen frowned. What a very strange old man, he thought. He shrugged, threw the card away and began to dig in.

The gun jumped in Claire’s hand, but the bullet escaped cleanly. The masked man chuckled moments before the bullet passed right through him. The man dissolved into the air and the bullet followed its trajectory straight into Alice’s chest. Alice froze at the top of the stairs, the frying pan raised high. A look of comic surprise formed on her face, before she dropped the pan and fell backwards, rolling down the stairs. Claire screamed, dropping the gun and running down the stairs after her sister. Alice lay at the bottom of the stairs, a huge hole where her left breast should’ve been. She wheezed pathetically, blood pooling around her and trickling out of her mouth.
“Why...?” she coughed out.
“Hold on, hold on, hold on, please,” Claire whimpered, holding her sister as the life poured out of her. Alice tried to reach out her hand, but there was no strength in her. The masked man walked in and watched the scene with a cold curiosity. As Alice died, he knelt down and placed the gun down beside Claire.
“You have been Judged. You know what to do,” he said, writing two words in Alice’s lifeblood. As Claire read them, the man vanished into air. ENVY and WRATH; written plain as day, a bloody accusation. Claire grabbed the gun; still holding her sister’s corpse and, with one last breath, pulled the trigger.

*****


Rein stood up, surrounded by darkness. Her fall had been a short one; she could just make out the hallway maybe two, three meters above her. The lights were still out. Rein moved forward and gasped in shock as a shadow moved, just in front of her. She stepped forward again, and the shadow echoed her. She stepped forward again, into a slimmer of light and the shadow stepped forward into an identical slither. Rein found herself staring at her own reflection. She laughed. It was a mirror. Rein waved, eyeing her reflection up. Her makeup had run in the rain, and she was still dressed in her wet clothes, but still, she was a looker, there was no denying that. Rein smiled happily and at that moment, the power swung back into life with a wild yelp. The darkness vanished, and Rein discovered with horror that she was surrounded by mirrors, hundreds of mirrors, like an amusement hall attraction. But no, if this was an amusement house, it was a horror themed ride and she wanted off. The mirrors reflected her, but not all the same. In some she was old, young, a baby, decaying in her grave. Others showed fragments of her life. And then the masked man walked into the mirror closest to her, waved, then cut off her head in one smooth motion. Rein screamed and ran. However, her reflections remained caught in their own little performances, and the masked man followed her, mirror after mirror, swinging his blade like a conductor’s baton.

Jensen placed down the leg of pork and looked around the table. All the food he had eaten had replenished itself; the table looked as full now as it had before he had begun. Jensen laughed with glee and returned to his gluttony.
“And Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Take this and eat, for it is my body’.” Jensen gasped, causing the piece of meat he was chewing to dive down his throat, jamming his airway closed. The masked man stood next to Jensen, who clutched his throat and gagged. “Do you know that verse, Jensen?” the masked man asked, casually. Jensen wheezed pathetically, tears streaming down his face. His lips began to turn blue. “Personally, I’m a big fan of irony. Twisted, perverted, beautiful irony. Surely you see it all here, don’t you?” the masked man nodded in agreement to his own question. “Of course you do, you’re smart.” Jensen reached out for the masked man, who stepped out of the way, causing Jensen to overbalance and topple off the chair. His face was beginning to swell and turn purple. “You know, they say irony is the Devil’s friend, Jensen,” the masked man said. “But you can call me the Judge. Well...I guess there’s your irony right there. Bye, Jensen,” the Judge said, placing a card on Jensen’s chest.

Rein ran until she could barely move her legs and her lungs struggled to inflate. Still, the maze of mirrors continued and the masked man gleefully followed her every move, mirroring her pace. Finally, when she was sure she had no energy left, her legs gave out and she collapsed sidewards, taking out the mirror to her left. The glass shattered around her, but somehow she avoided being impaled. Tiny shards of glass scratched her arms and face, but the bigger pieces remained on the ground where they should be. Seven years bad luck, her mind quipped. She wasn’t going to live that long anyway, she thought morbidly. She looked up to discover the masked man standing over her. Well, the man in the mirror. She was trapped here in the madness.
“Pride cometh before the fall, Rein,” the reflection lectured. Rein climbed to her feet, her legs shaking badly.
“You’re mad!” she cried out. Her retort echoed all around her, bouncing from glass to glass, taking on a haunting, broken quality. The reflection laughed at her.
“No, I’m impartial. You broke the rules, you lose,” he said, and chuckled at his own alliteration. The reflection raised a gun, pointed it at Rein’s skull and fired. Somewhere, far away, a mirror shattered. The Judge sighed. “I forgot which mirror I’m really in,” he said, then laughed again. “Ah well, Russian Roulette it is then. More fun for me.” Rein turned around, coaxing her legs to move forward. In front of her, there was an empty mirror. All around, the masked man shot at her, over and over, but in this one mirror, a little girl stood, smiling. Rein frowned.
“Follow me,” the girl sing-songed and ran into the next mirror. As she did, the masked man appeared in the mirror she had exited and disappeared in the one she entered. “Come on,” the girl pleaded. So Rein followed, finding, as she did, that each step became easier. Soon she was running with renewed energy, towards an opening light.

With a cry of relief, Rein burst out the door and into the sweet, cleansing rain. Weeping with joy, she ran through the burnt shrub, away from the house and the madness and towards the road. Something moved in the forest behind her as she ran, but she refused to look back. If she could just reach the road, she would be free. But as she reached the edge of the clearing, all hope vanished from her with one great swoop. She fell to her knees, her mind barely comprehending what her eyes showed her.
“No,” she coughed out. Behind her, the forest rang with the sounds of maniacal laughter.

*****
Last edited by kdownes at Aug 26, 2009,
#2
I believe I owe you a crit, so this is a blackdot for whenever I get the time to read the whole series(somehow I've missed the entire existence of it.)


EDIT: I've stickied it just to make sure I remember.


EDITEDIT:

Okay, I just read the series in one sitting and I haven't had time at all to digest or think about it too much, so here goes a freestyle. Please note that I know very little about writing.

Mkay, I've finally gotten around to it. Let me start with saying that I'm really not a fan of horror anything, especially in written form. Personally, I thought the characters weren't developed enough for my taste. But this doesn't matter because of the genre; they are going to die anyway. The pace was weird. At times it was moving along too slow and at others it was going too fast. You need to work on keeping it at a uniform pace. It wouldn't have been as bad if it had been too slow or too fast the whole time throughout, but it seemed like it slowed down right before when Claire shot Alice and it was describing their situation with their mother, and then it sped right back up again. If you got the hang of this it would be much easier to read. Also, there were places with unnecessary adjectives or descriptions. Such as:

She wasn’t going to live that long anyway, she thought morbidly.


The "morbidly" isn't really necessary. Of course it's morbid. I don't need to be told that. There were instances of this sprinkled around throughout.

I found myself struggling to really get into it, mostly for those reasons ^^. I forced myself through parts 1 and 2, and I really wanted it to be good. I think the beginning could use some work. In my opinion(duly note the opinion), one of the most important parts of a good piece writing is its ability to suck you in and make you keep reading, and this really didn't do that. Once I got into it around the end of part 3, it got much better.


The actual idea of this is good. The seven deadly sins taken in a very literal context. Not overly original, but a very neat idea.

I still think you're a better poet, however. How many more of these are there?

If you write any more short stories, even if you don't post them, send it to me.


Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
Last edited by Ganoosh at Aug 24, 2009,