|_JR_|
Something awkward.
Join date: May 2009
772 IQ
#1
Yeah, it's me again... this is a prog metal doodle taken too far basically. It's supposed to channel out some feelings but I don't know how to do that yet The title is Portuguese, it means "in brackets" (inside joke of sorts).

My biggest doubt with this one is the ending. You think it's too abrupt? Should I have gone on for longer? Also I don't know if the second half of Verse 3 fits the song at all.

C4C as usual... I'll get to some C's now.

Cheers
JR

[EDIT - reuploaded the file as non-zip, just plain gp4. hope it works now.]
Attachments:
entre parêntesis.gp4
Last edited by |_JR_| at Dec 9, 2009,
dalcow24
Registered User
Join date: May 2009
388 IQ
#2
i dont usually like prog, but this is awesome...anyway, heres my crit...

Intro- the acoustic here is very cool and peaceful...very cool when the keys come in..
Intro verse- i love the acoustic leads here
Bridge- I love the fade in to the distorted guitar, very awesome riff here...
Verse 1- again i love the leads, very sweet, its at this point, im beginning to realize that your a genius...lol

Chorus- I love it, ilove all the guitars and the harmony
Break- really cool, i love the drums, i could listen to it all day
Verse 2-Again very cool, i love bar 85-88, an i love the synth lead
Verse 3- i like it, but i like the other verse riffs better
Transition 1- Very weird riff, but in a good way
Transition 2- I love the leads dude
Final Verse- The acoustic roff is really great, and once again, lol...theleads are spectacular..
Ending- A beautiful way to end an amazing song...

Overall- i dont usually like prog but this is amazing, if you ever put out a cd, i'd buy it...lol...9.5/10....

C4C? Its song 11 in my sig, if you have the time, thanks...
biggeralex
Registered User
Join date: Sep 2008
57 IQ
#3
This is great! WOAH! I'm just... so impressed. Bars 106-116 had my mouth hanging open. The ending was not too abrupt, it fit so well. The only real issue I ran into (and it's probably because I only gave it one listen) was at times, when a bunch of instruments were doing their own thing, it got pretty chaotic and I wasn't quite sure what was going on. Seriously, great job!
Burning_Angel
Valar Morghulis
Join date: Jun 2006
2,379 IQ
#5
Critting as I listen...

The intro is awesome. Nice and dark. Love the classical in V1.

Dist. in the bridge is cool. It has a nice sad feel, and the bass is great. Verse 1 with all the dueling guitars is also really cool. I assume this would be instrumental? I like the use of delay and stuff in the chorus.

V2 after the chorus reminds me of Ulver. A lot. Specifically Lost in Moments. I love in v3 how the clean guitar is always going, and the dissonance in riffs works excellently. It keeps the song from being too harmonious, and it makes it really run through quite a few moods throughout the song, I've realized.

Variation on the chorus is very well excecuted. I still recognized it, but it was also different, so it was still interesting.

The ending is brilliantly modulated from the beginning.

Basically, this whole song is brilliant beyond words. Nice ****ing work.
whalepudding
UG Lovely Member
Join date: Aug 2005
954 IQ
#6
Cheers for the crit and the advice. I'll take the stuff you said into account, I've started writing an outro solo like you suggested.

Anyway, biggest crit in the world:

I absolutely loved the intro. Reminded me sort of Windowpane by Opeth. I loved how much was going on. I especially loved bar 15. Very tastful use of dissonance in there, and all the transitions were done amazingly. The harmonic notes at the end of the clean section were beautiful.

The bridge was of course awesome, but I was expecting something a bit heavier, it sort of built up really well and it was a slight anticlimax. Some low chugging power chord rhythms would work well I think, as would a slightly less restrained-sounding drum beat, more open hi hats and so on.

The verse was amazing, and I had to really look hard to find anything to criticise - the transition was slightly disjointed, and since the previous section began the same way it sort of interrupts the flow of the song. I think if you copy what Guitar 2 is doing in bar 42 and put it in bar 41 as well it works nicely.

I also think some of the dissonance is sort of, not bad exactly, but the sort of think you hear and think "...did that sound cool or not?". In bar 45 the lead guitar is playing a wonderfully jazzy chord, and the rhythm guitar sort of ruins it by playing something blatantly dissonant that doesn't fit into the chord at all.

I bloody love how the guitars always seem to be going somewhere in the solos. I'm going to have to look at what you're doing here and try to copy it, lol.

Bars 49 to 52 had that same "..was that cool?" thing going on. Not exactly bad, but since the rest of the song is awesome it brings it down slightly.

The chorus was beautiful. I really liked the atmosphere of verse 2, the synth drums were a good idea. Transitions 1 and 2 were amazing pieces of music, but I think you could build up to make the chorus a bit more of a climax.

The rest was amazing, I don't have much to say about it.

Anyway, I absolutely loved it. 100 out of 10. To be honest I had trouble thinking of things to criticise about it. And it's inspired me a cockload, so cheers for that.
I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF GALWAY
Last edited by whalepudding at Aug 23, 2009,
icronic
...
Join date: Aug 2004
2,639 IQ
#7
Thanks for the crit. And, after listening to this song, I really wish you hadn't

It's a brilliant song, and I hate it just as much as I love it.

It's the kind of music that only a musician is really capable of appreciating. I listened to it start to finish, and quite a few times I was in awe of the absolute coolness of what you were doing. Meanwhile my girlfriend who's playing around on her laptop rather pointedly asked me to switch to headphones.

It makes me sad to say this, but for all it's brilliance, and despite the fact that I've listened to it twice in the last 10 or so minutes, I cannot remember it. Nothing stands out as memorable. Too often it just degenerated into an over-produced mass of notes that was incredibly difficult to follow unless it had my undivided attention.

I do really think you could de-clutter it a bit though. There were just times when you were throwing so much out there that it just started sounding completely random, even though it wasn't.

I really want to tell you how awesome this song was... I love all the cool things you did, I love the fact that you somehow incredibly made it work. But to listen to, the song was annoying, and in the end didn't offer up anything to remember it by.
Deep*Kick
Registered User
Join date: Jan 2007
364 IQ
#8
Wow fantastic! I would say don't change a thing probably but I'm not really posting a crit. About the ending, I agree it is too abrupt, I would maybe end it something like I posted below, reducing the tempo and "closing off" the last arpeggio. Having it sustain maybe even with some more synth action
Attachments:
edit.gp4
^Note: Probably sarcastic
Gear
Schecter Blackjack C1-FR
Few Agile 8-strings
Ormsby Hypemachine 2014 otw!!

Carvin X-100B
axe-fx II

W.A musicians FTW
Quote by crisisinheaven
Deep*Kick. You have destroyed every concept of life I've ever had.
|_JR_|
Something awkward.
Join date: May 2009
772 IQ
#9
@icronic: good heavens, did you hit the nail in the head there... Can you believe this was meant to be a relatively simple heartfelt song in the first place? Well, the first few riffs are more/less technically simple... but I seem to be incapable of making a song from start to finish without turning it to an overproduced mess with no feelings coming across whatsoever.

Damn...

Well, thanks for the comments everyone. Yeah, it's instrumental (all of my songs are except the PHC one). I did try to change some stuff accordingly, but for some reason everytime I mess with it it sounds worse in my head... so the only advice I might take is Deep*Kick's one about the ending, with some tweaks. Not enough for an update I guess.

And, I put up the rendered MP3 on my profile. Sounds better but more cluttered in a way.. xD
Gwrhkhsh
Make it blurred. More.
Join date: Oct 2008
210 IQ
#12
It didn't work because of the "e" with "^" in title. My computer didn't allow it in file name.

The intro was fine, I liked the chord progression, but it doesn't seem to solve in any way. The final bar of first "cycle" was too ornamented to be really good sounding, to my ears. The first verse was really awesome, even though it you had some signature changes (which I personally hate in any way) it was going on without any noticeable flaws. The bridge rocked, I really liked this part, although I'd add some serious low rhythm riff to it. Nice progression again.

I didn't like the first verse. Too much shreddy (well, not really, but too technical for me) stuff and too much dissonant ringing notes, which seemed uncontrolled. Chorus was nothing special, but I liked it's melody - recognizable for next times.

The soft moment comes in and it's nice. I loved the 85-87 bars. Nice effect you got here. Synth solo was nice, but bar 96 - horrible. Verse 3 - sorry, too progressive for me. The riff sounded like random wankery, not a riff. Ah, and I've never seen a bass with a whammy bar for 112. Transition 1 still crap, but 2 is good. It finally brought some clearity to it. Bar 120 started a fine melody, but I would solve it a bit different.

Chorus is on it's place - a good place, I'd say. Right now I hear how good it is. The final verse is wonderful. It's the best part of the whole song. A beautiful, melodic solo at last, no such rapid signature changes and a nice outro. The ending keeps the mood and fades out smoothly. I'd add eight more bars, because it seems to short for me.

Overall - 8.5/10.
It's a really good piece - I enjoyed listening, even tho I strongly dislike prog in general. Congrats