Ok a lied a bit. Although this song is full considering the structure but it's far from being the final form.
I want to add lyrics to it but I haven't got a word yet. So I made an instrumental version. Lyrics should take their place later in the verses and the chorus.
Also I don't think I will use the ending that's in the song right now.

Anyway: this is my first time constructing a full song and I've been practicing guitar without a band so I don't know much about fitting chords to a melody. I know even less about bass and don't know anything about drums.

Critics and advices about those and structuring a song would be much appreciated.

And of course opinions about the song itself are also welcome.

The song has a sad mood and from Chorus 2 the sadness grows into anger and rage which fall back to calm sadness at the beginning of the ending. Or at least that was the concept.

C4C is ON of course but consider my 2 years experience
Last edited by atira at Aug 23, 2009,
Thanks for the comment

Yeah, I somehow knew that the drums would be the weak point. Is there some tutorial or guideline on how to compose on drums?
I haven't really checked, but the way I really improved on my drums is from looking at other people's drum tracks while listening to their music. You can get loads of ideas that you can modify as you need.
First of all, this song is beautiful...lol..i love it, i could listen to it all day

Intro- I love it, the melody is so soothing and catchy..
Post-Intro- is really sweet...its awesome..Ilike the lead part
Chorus- Again, really beautiful..i like the chord progression
Bridge- really good..but its all starting to sound a little too repetitive...maybe better drums would fix it..
outro- i really like chord strummin on the outro...

overall- i think it would be better with drums, other than that i'd say it was a really good soothing song....7.5/10

C4C? It's song 11 in my sig if you have the time...Thanks..
Yeah, I have to work on the drums, never done it before. Got to read some materials on it and play the "trial and error" game.

Bridge: I think you're right. I'm going to search for a different chord progression that suits the song to break the Am-F-C-G that goes through the whole song.

Thanks for your critics, made me want to work even more on this song
OH!! that was some **** dude really great song first song you said? contuinue writing songs and you will become a legend
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Well this is a pretty okay first song.
Not what I was expecting, thats for sure.

Intro - Post Intro: Adorable! I love it, really deep, but really simple. It really sets the mood for the song. My only problem is I feel it needed that replayed in the post intro, with what you have currently as an overdub.
Verse I: Right, Weird melody. The only part I dont like about the song. The rhythm totally set me off from the mood.
Chorus: Solid, not enough power though.
Bridge: Beautiful, actually made me tear a bit and smile. Which is hard for me to do.
Final Chorus: I don't see this anger you're talking about but, okay.
The outro was the best, I'm proud to have listened to that outro.

7/10 for the style. Awesome.

Also, do you mind if I give it a distortion solo of my own, slow and emotional to give you ideas?

Crit mine?

Last edited by Bitter|Symphony at Aug 25, 2009,
Intro overdub in posrt intro: ok, I'll try that though I have the feeling that it will sound a bit off but who knows (the chord progression is the same).

Verse: I'm going to scrap that anyway when I got the lyrics.

Chorus: more power? Ah I get it. The concept is that when I get the lyrics the singer will add the dynamics (along with the percussion) of the song. I just don't have the lyrics yet (I'm not a man of words unfortunately).

Bridge: oh, thanks!

Final Chorus: it's not anger yet, it only leads to that (outro). It speeds up a little (percussions) plus the singer will "cry" desperately in this last chorus bringing the despair to its maximum by the beginning of the outro when anger brakes out.

Outro: thanks again!

Thanks for the comments guys, it brings back motivation which I partly lost in the few days.
Hey! I enjoyed This Song. A Bit Repetitive, and Missing A Little Bit Of Anger I Think, But Overall A Good Song. I Felt Free To Modify The Final Chorus.. Idk If You're Interested To See The Result PM Me. Had Fun Tweaking Things A Bit =) Nice Work, 8/10
Rainy Afternoon
Dark Punk Piece
Dead On The Sand
Member Of Paradox Empire (Singer/Guitarist).
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Only problem I see is the bass. something about it annoys me.
Although, its probably the RSE.
Till Death Do Us Part
So Die
? Although I gave the bass a slightly different rhythm, it should blend in with the main instruments.
Beatiful! I cant say anything else! You made my night better I like all melodies, specially the intro. Make the bass more louder and make something different than just the normal *dum, dum, dumdum* I think some drum fills and bass fills would get it more interesting?

I give it 8,5/10
Metal is like a apple, no-one likes the core.
I'm working on it. Drums have been heavily redone, bass remained untouched and I intend to keep the bass in the background, main point of this song is the melody (hopefully with lyrics later) plus the rhythm in the outro. Ending has also been shortened to 6 bars instead of 10 and has been slightly redone.
I'll update later but the verse parts are practically empty.
Last edited by atira at Aug 29, 2009,