#1
Simply in my head right now so im typing it

And she said
You don't do it in the bedroom
Man you don't make me smile
Don't ever boil me up
Don't ever fill me while
Your such a f***ing darling
And your my man
You may not be pretty
But i got you in my hand

Cos she's taking me
And i don't mind
that she's using me cos i don' really mind

She's hot
She's a dream come true
She's hot
And i know you'd think so too
She's hot
And she's a dream come true
And if you've got it
I know she'd give it to you.

And she said
I'll stick with you baby
Yeah i'll stick like glue
Untill your wallets empty
Then I'll find something new
But your a f***ing darling
And now your my man
And no one else wants you
Thats why your in my hand

Cos she's taking me
And i don't mind
that she's taking me cos i don't really mind

She's hot
She's a dream come true
She's hot
You know you'd think so too
She's hot
And she's a dream come true
And if you've got it
I know she'd give it to you

And i said
But you do it in the bedroom
Girl you make me smile
You really boil me up
And fill me while
Your such a f***ing darling
And i'm your man
But you don't now i'm skint
But i'll take what i can

Cos she's taking me
And i don't mind
that she's using me
Cos i don't really mind

Cos she's so hot
Just a dream come true
Just so hot
I know you'd think so too
She's hot
Yeah a dream come true
And if you've got it
She'd give it to you..

Sorry just spewed out wasn't even gonna write anything but it started and this happend LOL don't you hate it when that happens.Please feel free to crit it to death but i havn't read it myself yet so,
HAPPY DAYS
#2
It was kind of unoriginal. I feel like I have read this same exact thing a hundred times. Don't just use the first line that comes to your head, even if it's an OTS. Think about it at least a little bit before you write it down, if you're not going to go over it after you're done. Also, don't use "cos". It's not english, and it takes away from the whole entire thing.

Keep writing. Next time read over what you've written at least once.

If you want to take a look at mine, there's a link in my sig.

Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#3
Got to go to bed know COS

Ive heard these crits so many a time
It really makes me sad
I spew it out
You chew it up
But it don't make me mad
Its late
I'm tired
GOTTA go to bed
Time just goes so fast
I write for fun
COS i can
COS i can
COS I CAN
I think my keyboards stuck.

Many thanks for your crits,personally i just read it and although it could be improved it's a bit of a laugh.But it don't mean that much to me as i said i just typed what was in my head but i will happily look at your piece though i doubt i'll crit as i have no idea of how to write something properly or with meaning as i only ever write off the top of my head,i have no reason to get it right,i just write something else.
thanks again