#1
Ok, with Billy Mays dead and Vince in jail for beating up a hooker.

Who do you think will be the next legendary spokes person of our time.

Who are they, how do they catch your attention, and how awesome are they.

I can't really name any since I don't watch as much TV as I used to.

OK GO!
VERY METAL!
\m/
RIP Ronnie James Dio

Quote by metaldud536
RazorTheAwesome, if I was a Ditto, I'd transform into YOU

Quote by Kensai
Basically god wanted to punish people for getting educated/eating apples.

Quote by Jackal58
We all desire a little pussy.
#3
Quote by imdeth
You're like internet Jesus!

This signature feels so empty now.
#4
Quote by bandt
i thought vince got out of those charges


Never heard that. Well even if he did I don't think he'll be doing commercials any time soon.
VERY METAL!
\m/
RIP Ronnie James Dio

Quote by metaldud536
RazorTheAwesome, if I was a Ditto, I'd transform into YOU

Quote by Kensai
Basically god wanted to punish people for getting educated/eating apples.

Quote by Jackal58
We all desire a little pussy.
#5
They are called pitchmen, not spokesmen.
A polar bear came to talk to me the other day....
...But then I realized...
...I don't own a coat, let alone firecrackers


Visit my Soundcloud, OR SUFFER.
#6
I think that Robin Williams should start doing commercials
Your mother likes it ruff, Trebeck.
#7
On February 7, 2009, Offer was arrested in Miami Beach, Florida on a charge of felony battery after an altercation with a 26-year-old prostitute. Offer, who appears in police reports under his real name Vince Shlomi, contended that he struck the prostitute when she "bit his tongue and would not let go." Prosecutors later declined to file formal charges against either individual.[2][19]


wikipedia!
#9
Quote by SmElLy KiD
They are called pitchmen, not spokesmen.


oops my bad, sorry

Quote by bandt
wikipedia!


my comment still stands
VERY METAL!
\m/
RIP Ronnie James Dio

Quote by metaldud536
RazorTheAwesome, if I was a Ditto, I'd transform into YOU

Quote by Kensai
Basically god wanted to punish people for getting educated/eating apples.

Quote by Jackal58
We all desire a little pussy.
#10
Quote by RazorTheAwesome
oops my bad, sorry

not a problem,
Anyway, I've been seeing this guy named Anthony in many commercials lately. He's not as exciting as Billy or Vince.
A polar bear came to talk to me the other day....
...But then I realized...
...I don't own a coat, let alone firecrackers


Visit my Soundcloud, OR SUFFER.
#11
Quote by RazorTheAwesome
oops my bad, sorry


my comment still stands



watch, he'll be back with an electric chopper or whatever it is
#13
I THINK ELEMENT4433 WOULD BE GREAT AT IT!!! HE CAN TALK LOUDLY!!!

amirite?
*-)
Quote by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

Rest in Peace, Troy Davis and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and Eric Garner and Mike Brown
#14
Quote by you = fail
I think that Robin Williams should start doing commercials



Yes...........YES
#15
Quote by element4433
I THINK ELEMENT4433 WOULD BE GREAT AT IT!!! HE CAN TALK LOUDLY!!!

amirite?


lets try this out shall we.

*goes to look for billy mays commercial transcript
VERY METAL!
\m/
RIP Ronnie James Dio

Quote by metaldud536
RazorTheAwesome, if I was a Ditto, I'd transform into YOU

Quote by Kensai
Basically god wanted to punish people for getting educated/eating apples.

Quote by Jackal58
We all desire a little pussy.
#17
From the Uncyclopedia article, closest thing I could find:

HI! ELEMENT4433 HERE, INTRODUCING A BRAND NEW PRODUCT! ARE YOUR COMMERCIALS LACKING STYLE? ARE YOUR SCRIPTS NOT POLISHED? WELL I HAVE THE PERFECT PRODUCT FOR YOU! MYSELF! THAT'S RIGHT! I'M LOOKING FOR A JOB AND YOU CAN HIRE ME TO DO YOUR COMMERCIAL FOR JUST 12 EASY PAYMENTS OF $1,399.99!
Contents


IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ME ON YOUR TELEVISION SELLING CLEANING PRODUCTS AT 2AM, THEN YOU'VE BEEN LIVING IN SOME KIND OF GODDAMN CAVE!! ELEMENT4433, WHO HAPPENS TO BE MY LOUD AND HAIRY SELF, IS A ****ING MARKETING GENIUS!! ONLY YESTERDAY I THOUGHT OF ANOTHER IDEA AFTER LISTENING TO MYSELF YELLING! WHAT IF... MY OBNOXIOUS SCREAMING WAS PUT INTO A JAR AND SHOVED UP EVERY ACTOR'S ASS ON THE TV SHOW HOME IMPROVEMENT?! IT'D BE THE SAME AMOUNT OF TALKING THEY DO ON THE SHOW AND THEREFORE TWICE THE ENTERTAINMENT!! AM I THE BOMB OR WHAT?!?! EVERY TIME I TALK, I SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS!!!
WHAT DO I HAVE THAT OTHERS DON'T?!!!


ELEMENT4433: YOU HAVE TO! YOU HAVE TO! YOU HAVE TO YOU HAVE TO! YOU HAVE TO! YOU HAVE TO! YOU HAVE TO! BUY ****ING RIGHT NOW!!!
YOU MIGHT BE ASKING YOURSELF: WHY BUY ELEMENT4433 WHEN YOU CAN BUY ANOTHER, MORE QUIET SPOKESMAN?! I CAN GET THE POINT ACROSS WITH A FRESH CLEAN SCENT, WITHOUT AMMONIA AND WITHOUT BLEACH! WATCH THIS! WATCH AS I SAND DOWN THIS VERY EXPENSIVE WOOD FLOOR WITH MY BEARD WHILE APPLYING A CLEANING SOLVENT AND TALKING! THE WOOD DRIES OUT! I ALSO HAVE A LOUD VOICE THAT CAN EXPLODE HEADS! NO OTHER SPOKESPERSON SPEAKS THIS ****ING LOUD! YOU WILL ALSO NOTICE THAT I AM VERY EXPENSIVE FOR A SPOKESPERSON AND THAT IS GOOD!
I CAN ****ING CLEAN TILES!

YOU BET YOUR ASS I CLEAN TILES! I BET YOU CAN'T CLEAN TILES! KABOOM! AND I SPRAY KABOOM® ON THE TILE! IT'S NOT THE PRODUCT THAT ACTUALLY CLEANS THE TILE! IT'S MY EXTREMELY LOUD VOICE! THAT'S RIGHT! THE SOUND WAVES FROM MY VOICE OBLITERATE THE DIRT FROM THE TILE ON IMPACT! BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY! WATCH AS I SPIN A SHIRT IN A BOWL! WATCH AS I STICK A 45 POUND WEIGHT ON A DANGEROUSLY FLIMSY HOOK STUCK IN THE WALL! WATCH AS I ****ING CLEAN ANOTHER TILE! I'M ****ING AMAZING! I ****ING BLEW MY HEAD OFF ONCE BECAUSE I SHOUTED SO DAMN LOUD!
FRESH CLEAN SCENT!
OTHER SPOKESMEN HAVE HARSH FUMES! ELEMENT4433 DOESN'T! I HAVE A FRESH CLEAN BEARD SCENT! DOES YOUR SPOKESMAN HAVE THE FRESH CLEAN SCENT OF BEARD?! I THINK NOT!
LEARN MORE ABOUT ME!


YOU DON'T WANT TO MAKE ME USE THIS!


I HAVE THE STRENGTH TO MAKE HEADS EXPLODE!!
I WAS BORN ON JULY 20, 1958 IN McKEES ROCKS, PENNSYLVANIA, WHEREVER THAT IS! FROM A VERY YOUNG AGE I TOOK AN INTEREST IN YELLING LOUDLY AND SELLING CLEANING PRODUCTS! LOOK AT THIS!
I GAVE MY GRANDFATHER A SERIES OF STROKES WHEN I WAS ONLY THREE YEARS OLD!! I CAME INTO HIS ROOM AND INTERRUPTED HIS SLEEP FOR THREE CONSECUTIVE NIGHTS WHILE TRYING TO SELL HIM VARIOUS USED CLEANING SUPPLIES I FOUND UNDER THE KITCHEN SINK! IT WORKED!! HE WAS SO DISORIENTED BY MY SCREAMING THAT HE BOUGHT EVERYTHING!! HE ALSO WENT DEAF TWENTY MINUTES LATER!!!
MY DAD'S A CARPENTER AND HE WAS IN THE GARAGE WORKING A WOODEN TABLE LEG ON THE LATHE WHEN I TOLD HIM "WOOD DRIES OUT DAD! BUY SOME OF THIS ORANGE SCENTED SLURRY I FOUND AT GOODWILL FOR ONLY $2.99*, THAT'S RIGHT, ONLY $2.99!*" HE BECAME STARTLED BY MY LOUD VOICE AND INSTANTLY DISLOCATED HIS ARM IN THE LATHE! I THREW THAT ORANGE CRAP AT THE MACHINE AND KABOOM! AT JUST SEVEN YEARS OLD I HAD INVENTED THE PROTECTIVE COATING NOW CALLED ORANGE GLO!
WHEN I WAS NINE YEARS OLD I SAW MY MOTHER DOING THE LAUNDRY, SO I WALKED UP BEHIND HER AND YELLED "WATCH THIS MA!", CAUSING HER TO DUMP A BUNCH OF BLEACH INTO OUR COLORED TOWELS, MAKING THEM ALL SHINY WHITE!! THAT GAVE ME AN IDEA!! WHY NOT BLEACH THE **** OUT OF EVERYTHING WITH A PRODUCT CALLED OXI-WHITE!!
MY ARCH ENEMY IS THE SHAM-WOW GUY!
I ONCE IMPALED MY CAT WITH HERCULES HOOKSTM!!! 150 POUNDS OF ****ING PRESSURE AND IT STILL HELD UP!!!!!
*PLUS $7.99 S&H


YOU SHUT YOUR ***** MOUTH WHEN ELEMENT4433 IS TALKING!!!
BUY TODAY
...AND I'LL INCLUDE THE AMAZING ELEMENT4433 ACTION HERO! THE KIDS LOVE IT!! HELP ME FIGHT THE EVIL SHAM-WOW GUY!! BUT I'M NOT DONE YET! YOU'LL ALSO RECEIVE A HUGE-ASS BOTTLE OF BLEACH TO SPRAY AND DRINK RIGHT AFTER YOU SEE MY COMMERCIAL!! FOR FREE!!! CALL RIGHT NOW AND I WON'T BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF LIKE A WINE GLASS IN A MEMOREX COMMERCIAL! SAVE YOURSELF AND CALL RIGHT NOW!! A TRAINED OPERATOR (ME) IS STANDING BY TO TAKE YOUR ORDER! CALL TODAY AND BUY ME FOR YOUR COMMERCIAL! IS IT LIVE OR IS IT MEMOREX??? WHO ****ING CARES!?!?!?!
*I AM NOW AVAILABLE IN THOSE ****ING ANNOYING AS SEEN ON TV STORES AT THE MALL! BUY ME!! ACT NOW! SUPPLIES ARE LIMITED! I AM AVAILABLE IN THREE DIFFERENT COLORS AND SCENTS! BUY TODAY!!!
ALSO BUY THE BIG CITY SLIDER STATION! COOK DELICIOUS MINI-BURGERS, STACK 'EM, AND WATCH YOUR FAMILY ATTACK 'EM!
MIGHTY PUTTYTM!! YOU CAN PUT YOUR HAND UNDER A PIECE OF CONCRETE SUSPENDED BY MIGHTY PUTTY! WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN? I HAVE NO ****ING CLUE! IT HAS NO RELEVANCE, BUT IT LOOKS IMPORTANT!
SEE WHAT PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY ABOUT ME
BEETHOVEN HAD THIS TO SAY ABOUT ME!
***

He's probably the best spokesperson I've ever heard because he's the only spokesperson I ever heard.
***

LARRY KING SAID THIS ABOUT ME AFTER AN INTERVIEW!
***

Kaboom, and my hearing was finally gone.
***

A CUSTOMER FROM FLORIDA SAID THIS ABOUT ME!
***

Apparently ELEMENT4433 was not pleased that I was not putting his cleaning products to good use due to the fact that my bathroom still looked like ****. So he showed up at my house in a very clean white van at around 2 AM. At first I was very pleased to see Billy come to my house since I have no life and spend my days planted on the couch watching TV. Billy started walking towards me with his trademark smiling bearded face. As I got my self ready to greet him he started shouting loudly "FOR ONLY $10.99 MORE YOU COULD HAVE BOUGHT THE EXTRA STRENGTH CLEANER FOR YOUR PIECE OF **** BATHROOM!!!!" I was totally shocked and confused, I stood there in shock and disbelief! Then before I knew it Billy rushed back to his van, whipped out a huge EXTRA VALUE TUB of Kaboom and then proceeded to rip my eyeballs out of their sockets and dipped them in Kaboom, hereby blinding me for the rest of my life!
***

YES I HAVE FANS! ONE OF THEM SAID THIS ABOUT ME!
***

I have to admit, ELEMENT4433 may have a very loud voice, but that smile, and that twinkle in his eyes? Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Daddy bear! I agree with all the other bears who've posted here, that that man is one hot woof! Have his baby? Sure, hell yeah. Since a guy can't get pregnant, we'd just have to try and try and try again...and I certainly wouldn't wanna kick his ass. What I would do, well... uhm... any bears here who wanna email me and talk about it, no problem!*:-{)} ELEMENT4433 would make an excellent houseboy, playmate, whatever. I'd do him in a new york minute (and even THAT wouldn't be fast enough for me). Everyone dissing him just has nothing else better to do than to be pissy and annoying... let the real men drool over him... I know I'd just be in a very long line wanting to buff that bear! Billy, you would be welcome in the homes of bears everywhere... including mine!*:-{)}
***

CHECK OUT THIS INPUT FROM CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!
***

ELEMENT4433 sells things on TV.
***

AND HERE'S ONE FROM CAPTAIN UNDERSTATEMENT!
***

On average, ELEMENT4433 talks slightly louder than the average person.
***

THERE'S MORE! I HAVE ONE FROM CAPTAIN OBLIVIOUS!
***

Who? I might have seen him on TV once or twice.
***

BUT I'M NOT DONE YET
I AM ALSO EXPANDING MY BUSINESS INTO SELLING SELF-HELP DVDs TITLED "HOW TO MOTIVATE YOURSELF" AND "BE HEARD!!!!" I AM NOW OFFERING THESE VIDEOS FOR FREE TO ALL CUSTOMERS WHO SPEND AT LEAST $100 ON MY CLEANING PRODUCTS. ESSENTIALLY, THIS DVD CAN BE PLAYED CONTINUOUSLY THROUGHOUT THE DAY! THE DVD ALSO CONTAINS TWO BONUS FEATURES: THE DOCUMENTARY ELEMENT4433: HOW I BECAME LOUD AND WEALTHY AND DOZENS OF FULL LENGTH COMMERCIALS OF NONE OTHER THAN ME CLEANING!!! WOW HOW MUCH FUN IS THAT!?! WATCH AT YOUR LEISURE!!!!!!!! JUST IMAGINE MY SMILING YET OBNOXIOUSLY LOUD AND BEARDED FACE TALKING CONTINUOUSLY WHILE YOU LADIES ARE AT HOME CLEANING!!
BUT I'M STILL NOT DONE!!
JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE TAKEN A HINT AND SHUT THE HELL UP, I'M STILL NOT DONE!! I'M NOW OFFERING ONE VERY LUCKY CUSTOMER A CHANCE TO MEET ME IN PERSON!! I WILL SHOW UP AT YOUR HOUSE IN A LARGE AND VERY CLEAN WHITE VAN LOADED WITH MY WORLD FAMOUS CLEANING PRODUCTS!! I WILL THEN BURST INTO YOUR HOME AND CLEAN EVERY GOD DAMNED THING IN MY LINE OF FIRE!!! FOR FREE!!! IMAGINE THAT!!!!!! PLEASE DO NOT DELAY!! I AM ONLY HOLDING THIS SPECIAL OFFER DURING THE WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!!
THIS ARTICLE IS DEDICATED TO THE ****ING MEMORY OF MY SON OF A BITCH YOUNGER BROTHER, TOURETTE'S GUY!!!! AND REMEMBER, **** THAT PALMOLIVE ****! BUY MY **** OR I'LL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND SCREAM AT YOUR FACE UNTIL IT FALLS OFF AND DROPS INTO A BUCKET OF KABOOM!!!!

HERE'S HOW TO ORDER!
VERY METAL!
\m/
RIP Ronnie James Dio

Quote by metaldud536
RazorTheAwesome, if I was a Ditto, I'd transform into YOU

Quote by Kensai
Basically god wanted to punish people for getting educated/eating apples.

Quote by Jackal58
We all desire a little pussy.
Last edited by RazorTheAwesome at Aug 23, 2009,
#18
Quote by Le_Bunny
MOIRA.


The Aussies will probably know who I'm talking about.

Heeerrre's Moira!

I'm not sure if we're thinking of the same person, but there is an Australian pitchman i've seen on the tele a couple of times now.

Pretty much the Aussie version of Billy Mayes. I already like him.
#19
Quote by alternatum
shamwow guy



The guy named Vince who beat up the Hooker is the Shamwow guy.

/facepalm
Quote by Jack Off Jill
Did your friends leave the room to go to the bathroom excessively? If so, they were masturbating.

Quote by JewMasatFlex
if that is why you are playing guitar, then stop. play guitar because you like music, not because you want some pussy
#20
Quote by goingnowhere21
I'm not sure if we're thinking of the same person, but there is an Australian pitchman i've seen on the tele a couple of times now.

Pretty much the Aussie version of Billy Mayes. I already like him.

Nah it's a ladeh. http://www.heresmoira.com.au/aboutus.html
#21
Quote by RazorTheAwesome
From the Uncyclopedia article, closest thing I could find
Yeah that sounds like stuff I'd say.
*-)
Quote by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

Rest in Peace, Troy Davis and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and Eric Garner and Mike Brown
#24
Quote by element4433
Yeah that sounds like stuff I'd say.


is that sarcasm or a serious comment?
VERY METAL!
\m/
RIP Ronnie James Dio

Quote by metaldud536
RazorTheAwesome, if I was a Ditto, I'd transform into YOU

Quote by Kensai
Basically god wanted to punish people for getting educated/eating apples.

Quote by Jackal58
We all desire a little pussy.
#25
Quote by RazorTheAwesome
is that sarcasm or a serious comment?
Pretty serious
*-)
Quote by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

Rest in Peace, Troy Davis and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and Eric Garner and Mike Brown
#26
Quote by element4433
Pretty serious


Just got an amazing idea.

I say we hold auditions/a contest as to who can be the best pitchmen for UG.
VERY METAL!
\m/
RIP Ronnie James Dio

Quote by metaldud536
RazorTheAwesome, if I was a Ditto, I'd transform into YOU

Quote by Kensai
Basically god wanted to punish people for getting educated/eating apples.

Quote by Jackal58
We all desire a little pussy.
#27
Quote by GuitarCrazyFrog
The guy named Vince who beat up the Hooker is the Shamwow guy.

/facepalm


Sorry I'm not yet on first name basis with Shamwow guy
#28
Quote by RazorTheAwesome
Just got an amazing idea.

I say we hold auditions/a contest as to who can be the best pitchmen for UG.

I heartily second this.

My vote OT goes for Flo. She should branch out; Progressive is holding her back (lolpun).

[IN PHIL WE TRUST]


Quote by Trowzaa
I only play bots. Bots never abandon me. (´・ω・`)

#29
I think I would make a great pitchman.

*Scrubs style daydream*

Me: Excuse me, would you like to try some...
Lady: Die ******!
Me: Sorry mam, have a nice day.
#30
Quote by SteveHouse
I heartily second this.

My vote OT goes for Flo. She should branch out; Progressive is holding her back (lolpun).


well at least my idea has some support
VERY METAL!
\m/
RIP Ronnie James Dio

Quote by metaldud536
RazorTheAwesome, if I was a Ditto, I'd transform into YOU

Quote by Kensai
Basically god wanted to punish people for getting educated/eating apples.

Quote by Jackal58
We all desire a little pussy.