#1
This a little song in the style of The Number 12 Looks Like You.
Have fun critiquing. And yes, c4c.

Just Gone

I awoke today…
You were gone...
I didn’t think it would be very long…
But every time I sing this song…
It’s a call to come back!
Why were you mad!
At me!
You make me so sad!
How did I make you so mad
Again I ask why
You never said goodbye
I never did hate you
I never could hate you
So goodbye
It wont be for the last time
Go!

I awoke and you were gone!
I didn’t think it would be very long!
I didn’t think I was wrong!
I can’t go to sleep without you
Cant go to sleep!
Go to sleep!
I look through hail and sleet
And I hope to keep…
I hope to be!
What you see as fitting
I cant believe
Your quitting!

I awoke And you were gone... (Gone)
I didn’t think it would be very long… (Long)
But every time I sing this song… (This song)
It’s a call to come back!
Come back to me!
How could be so vile
You cant deny!
How could you be so cruel!
I’m just a bystander
Looking on the crime
I’m a victim…
I’m the victim and I’m dying!!!!
Last edited by benx3000 at Aug 24, 2009,
#3
Even though I'm a big fan of The Number 12 Looks Like You, this has a lot of cliches in it.
#4
Quote by Mutmoo
Even though I'm a big fan of The Number 12 Looks Like You, this has a lot of cliches in it.

Id have to agree, the rhymes seem very obvious and too forced.
#5
Yeah, im thinking of changing the part where it rhymes mad, sad, back. Those seem just kinda childish.