#1
This is something i put together last night callled System of Sinn, What do you guys think of it, and any tips on where to go from here? thnx guys.
I put Thunder vein together bout a week ago, i dont like the riff or how it progresses after the intro, can you guys help on progressing these two songs?

edit: HAHA WOW!! i completley forgot about the 99 repeats, i was never ever gonna play that, i was just using it to listen to it, im not lame, con give me some credit. so yeah it dosent repeat at all, it just goes on to the verse...also on the intro, the fade in was only meant for the lead part but i cant see how to do it, next time itll be a seperate lead ad chord sheet for the orchestra, also i like using chromatics sometime to give it an evil or haunting sound, thnx for the crits guys
Attachments:
System of Sinn .gp5
Thunder vein.gp5
Last edited by megagage at Aug 27, 2009,
#2
System of Sinn:
Okay, what the fuck was that intro?
It sounded like it was random. Use a scale, bro.

Main Riff: Absolutly hate it. It's so corny and generic. The harmonies are off, and it just sounds so wrong.

This isnt metal, this is rock at heaviest.
Sorry bro, 3/10 for a start.


Uhh, also, get to know your inner poet. That'd help. Especially with the song titles.
Goodluck.
Last edited by Bitter|Symphony at Aug 25, 2009,
#3
It's not even half a song. It needs more. System of Sinn is just repeats 99 times over. I mean, there needs to be more. It just can't be the same stuff over and over again but at the same time it cannot be to random.

Sorry if it sounds harsh.

Just do what you can to improve. Writing songs takes time and practice.
"Fly with me forever high
And with these wings
We'll set the world on fire
Fly with me through scorching skies
You and I - The lie of lies"

-Symphony X
#4
Keep trying, it's obvious that you're inexperienced so i don't wanna kick you whilst you're down

Just keep writing, writing, writing - then once you have an entire song you're happy with post it
#5
System of Sinn: too many fade-ins, skip those, use only one at start. The riff in this form isn't anything special unfortunately. And use the scales in guitar pro, they help a lot.

Thunder vein: now that riff might be good at the start, but I have 3 remarks:

1. It's repetitive this way. Change the last note in the 4th bar, you have 2 choices I think:
a. change the 1/4th note into two 1/8th notes (come up with a different transition that you have in the 2nd bar)
b. come up with a different pitch than what you have in the 8th bar. A higher pitch would fit here best IMO. (an A, a B or a D on the A string for example)
Leave the one in 8th bar like it is now.

2. The riff is somewhat boring. But actually if you speed it up to 1.75x or double speed... Try it

3. Decide what scale you use. Most propably it's in either D major or E minor. The first pitch tells us it's E minor. Use that scale. Now, according to GP's scale finder, what you're using from bar 17 is a C# Spanish 8 tone scale. Somehow I doubt you wanted to use that. Until you get tons of experience, you're better off with one scale and if you want to change, then change the key-note, not the scale itself.
Last edited by atira at Aug 25, 2009,
#6
Just like the 1st person posted, the intro is just random, and the main riff sticks, and you should practice writing lyrics too
Guitars:
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-Fender Standard Telecaster HH Black (SH-5/'59)
-Fender Standard Stratocaster HH White (Nazgul/'59)
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