#1
Not quite finished with these yet, still working on the third verse . . . .what it's about should be pretty self explanatory.

Verse 1
getting up, going on my way
how can i benefit society today
what can i do, to help them now
lesser things have more power than me somehow

Verse 2
stripping away from us everything dear
stealing our souls, right from behind
causing a pain that is so severe
taking the things that are rightfully mine

Chorus
i'm drowning on dry land
as earths hands
grasp around my lungs

we're silenced from
the tyranny
of our fellow man

theres no way out
i highly doubt
unless a miracle

i'm drowning on dry land
stuck in times sand
i've got to get out

Verse 3
i'd say anti-establishment is the way to go
we'd save ourselves from such but they don't know
all they're concerned about is their lust for power


Chorus

Verse 4
i've got to find a way out of here
away from these robotic ways etched into my mind
but that is the biggest thing that they fear
stopping us in every way they can find
Quote by Steve46
thanks alot ice condition!! your the breast!


The best bosom in all of UG.
Last edited by ice condition at Aug 26, 2009,
#2
Chorus seems a bit long- you could use the first part of it as a bridge or something. But the verses and the 'drowning on dry land' part is really catchy and has a good flow to it. I really like the theme and people can relate to it. Esp. the lines ' how can I benefit society today' , 'robotic ways...' , and 'stealing our souls'.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1190218
Last edited by Sickhick at Aug 27, 2009,
#3
hmm yeah now that i think of it i could probably just split it into two parts and use it as two verses. thanks
Quote by Steve46
thanks alot ice condition!! your the breast!


The best bosom in all of UG.
#4
Wow this sounds like a movie song. Almost like I Robot or something. But Sickhick had it right, the first "drowning on dry land" part would make a nice bridge into the chorus.

Good job man.

-D. Bunny
#5
Me likey. Great job, friend. I, however, have seen longer choruses. So if the music matches up with it correctly, I think it's still fine all together as a chorus. That's just my opinion. Overall 5 stars.

P.S. - I really like the story concept.. Very in depth and grasping. I think this would work well with a sequel.
"We programmed in death...A thousand needles lie here to inject their lies."