#1
It’s the best thing you ever had
It’s the best thing you ever threw away
Over with things still left undone
Words unspoken, still left to say
An unfulfilled duty and a promise broken
Memories of shame remain the only token
Of there and then and who and what
And why you remember what she forgot
You can’t forget that one mistake
Of pain and shame and misplaced faith
Too late to repair the broken trust
The chance is gone,
The deed is done
The world moves on, as it must
You remain mouthing an apology
To no one


c4c
ಠ_ಠ
<|>
/ω\



Tell me what nation on this earth, was not born of tragedy-Primordial
#3
Quote by Eggmond
It’s the best thing you ever had
It’s the best thing you ever threw away
Over with things still left undone
Words unspoken, still left to say Really loved the opening part here, nothing seems forced and it flows very well
An unfulfilled duty and a promise broken
Memories of shame remain the only token token here seems to cut the flow, then again it may just be me...
Of there and then and who and what
And why you remember what she forgot don't know why but i really loved these two lines.
You can’t forget that one mistake
Of pain and shame and misplaced faith
Too late to repair the broken trust
The chance is gone,
The deed is done loved the break here
The world moves on, as it must
You remain mouthing an apology
To no one you should think of editing these last two lines, they don't cut the edge of a grand finale a piece like this should have...


c4c


great job mate, great opening and body but, in my opinion, the ending still needs to be tied up and more decisive and precice.
#4
ok i changed the ending slightly


It’s the best thing you ever had
It’s the best thing you ever threw away
Over with things still left undone
Words unspoken, still left to say
An unfulfilled duty and a promise broken
Memories of shame remain the only token
Of there and then and who and what
And why you remember what she forgot
You can’t forget that one mistake
Of pain and shame and misplaced faith
Too late to repair the broken trust
The chance is gone,
The deed is done
You remain alone as the world moves on
Mouthing an apology to no one
ಠ_ಠ
<|>
/ω\



Tell me what nation on this earth, was not born of tragedy-Primordial