These are for a song on my band's new record, with lyrics by our drummer. I really like how it flows to read these and then follow how they are in the song with dual lead vocals. Basically, the phrasing is cool IMO.

This song is a story and it is called "I'll Wait"

Click this to listen

I would like to hear some opinions on this.

Hold my hand through these final breathes
Don't let go, Don't let go
Cardiac arrest, lungs hurt embrace death
Don't let go, don't let go

Shutting down, thoughts sink. Can't breathe, I need space to think.
Predisposed to our own destinies,
logic stears us right goddamn but we fall short on all accounts.

So alone I am so depressed
Don't let go, don't let go
My neck starts to strain, I can't endure this pain.
Don't let go, don't let go

Letting go, hands slip, you're gone I can't handle this now.
Heaven holds what my hands can't receive flashing lights are all that I see
Just breathe

I'll wait for you here, in the flowers. I'll wait.
You sure this is a professional recording?
Fender Precision Bass
Fender Jazz Bass
1967 Fender Coronado Bass II
Warwick Star Bass
Squier Precision Bass TB
i like it dude. i like the singers voice =)

Originally Posted by anonymus
I voted "evolutionism", though. Cuz you know... it's sciencey.

Originally Posted by anonymus
We were all created by God...
As Monkeys...
Then evolved.
End Debate.
The next time you want to post something like this, can you name the thread by the actual song title, please. Read the rules, as well, if you haven't already done so.

I like the recording. It's a nice song. The lyrics themselves aren't my cup of tea, though.
How many times have you heard the words "don't let go"? Think about it. Dissect your music collection, you'll soon find a song with that exact phrase.

I like the repeating idea of breathlessness (even if it is cheesy), but the third verse really lets the piece down. It feels very dislocated and separate from the rest of the lyrics' theme.
Sorry, I'll read the rules before posting again. Thanks for the good critique. I think the whole don't let go think was for a hook, but I'm not too into it. I feel like a cheeseball singing it, I doubt we will do something like that again.

If you are talking about the 3rd verse as the flowers thing, what we were going for is a really spacey part, and I think the reverb on the vocals and delayed guitars really get it. I'm sorry you weren't to fond of the lyrics.
Hey man, this thread is going to have to be closed. Once you've read the rules though feel free to repost this with a proper thread title.