#1
]hmm.. (edit (choking on my lol's))

does anybody feel like working? or doing the dishes, or walking blocks or having at someone sometime with a roll of quarters tucked tight in your fist? is there a stranger-proof way to travel anymore these days? sometimes it really does seem to me as though we’re all microchips in a motherboard of complexity and spaceships and hurricanes, but I’ve mostly gotten used to it, at this point anyway. yeah yeah yeah these are the good old days and I know it too, but why do I feel like I need the awareness of a Slavoj Zizek or a Christopher Hitchens in order to live right when it’s so attainable but unattainable at the same time? my side of the story is this: I went through it all, started strong, got stronger and stronger, then – a little weak;- more strong than not, but. But the textile factory celebrations and stagnations reverberated – naturally, through my history, but it (you know) wasn't even too much for me (nope, if it wasn't for me). My goal, this and that being the case, is to attain the vast capacious richness of thought that you achieve once in awhile, for short periods of time, particularly when out at sea or even lost out at sea, with only my mind aware and blood in my veins, sustained.

saltwater mist in the air.
Last edited by parkt921k at Aug 28, 2009,
#2
What the ****?
http://www.myspace.com/echohead7

GUITARS
PRS SE Camo
Epiphone G400 SG
AMP
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EFFECTS
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Quote by Mister.Y
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#3
he hee i want some of your ganja!!
Gear: Fender standard 60th anneversary strat
Fender Fm 412r
epiphone jumbo acoustic


Quote by deaththrashcore
This morning I found a tick on my nutsack. Not the weirdest but the only thing I can think of right now...
#4
i liked it up until the weed bit!
not a fan of songs about weed, find it a bit lame!

i prefer it when its upto the listener to think '-man, that guy mustve been high whilst writing that' rather than just have the writer tell you '-look at me im on drugs!'

like i said tho, really liked the rest!!
RIP Turnip. RIP MCA.
RIP #58.
#6
This really needs to be structured, it is very hard to read and follow in this current form. The actual context of the poem was a little hard to follow and no story was really made in the process, at times it felt like the narrator was simply rambling about what could be his average day. I say work on the structure and maybe revise some of the content, and I will give this another read.

I didn't really say anything but if you would like https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1189879
#7
I thought the structure made this piece. To me, the laziness and cynical dissatisfaction really opened up the reader to whatever he wanted, really contrasting the 'inertia'. And the inexcusableness is perfectly depicted in it's opening line "does anybody feel like working?"

"My goal, this and that being the case, is to attain the vast capacious richness of thought that you achieve once in awhile, for short periods of time, particularly when out at sea or even lost out at sea, with only my mind aware and blood in my veins, sustained."
-- that is brilliant writing!

Humour is also added with the brief mention of similarly cynical philosopher Slavoj Zizek and rough counerpart Christopher Hitchens (although I'm struggling to fully realise his direct imput to the piece...)
And dark playfullness is also made apparant when you talk about violence so candibly.

The "microchips" line was superb. It fitted so well into this really funny read.