Poll: "I never packed a tool or acted cool, it wasn't practical."
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View poll results: "I never packed a tool or acted cool, it wasn't practical."
Teal
9 90%
Orange
1 10%
Voters: 10.
#1
Every September She Tastes Blood

The trees bend over
and touch their toes
as the furious gale
threatens to snap them in half.
Ominous charcoal clouds
rumble in the distance
with torrential fury.
And I sit below.
Watching Mother Nature bite her tongue.
Again.


Untitled.

"there was a FIRE"
"Oh, no, no,no,
there was no FIRE"
"but I saw it!"
"What you saw was heat,
what you saw was motion"
"but I saw it!"
"Oh, no, no, no, FIRE
explodes, it screams to the eyes,
You saw nothing of the sort"
"but I saw it"
I saw it
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#2
i like orange... teal is cliche. the 'september' motif usually works better if there's a seasonal reference, like dead leaves or going back to school, or the sun hiding behind clouds- without it it's more like a reference to other 'september' songs. (see the decemberists, the plain white tees, green day, etc. etc.) i think 'torrential fury' is (while CERTAINLY more unique than furious torrent) is a bit redundant, both of the words invoke similar destructive imagery, but at the same time, torrent pictures a storm which is cool whereas fury pictures a fire which is hot, so while it's redundant, it's also a contradiction, which is quite the feat.
orange, on the other hand, is verse that calls lewis carrol to mind while still maintaining good clarity, which is no mean task, and puts us in the familiar shoes of someone who is relating a story that is not accepted as truth, while also questioning the viability of our perception as fact. 'screams to the eyes' is unique because it turns the musical experience into a visual one by referencing our sense of sight against a purely aural experience, a scream.
#3
September is the prime of hurricane season...

Is that not seasonal enough for you?

Also, Fury does not necessarily depict fire. "Torrential"is used as an adjective to describe what form the fury is in.


Thanks for voting, anyways.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
Last edited by Ganoosh at Sep 1, 2009,
#4
i wasn't saying that it was WHAT IT MEANT, i was just describing the imagery that it called to my mind.
#5
Okay. Well I was just saying, because you said the "september" theme is better if there's a seasonal reference, but the whole thing is a seasonal reference...


I mean, take it how you will. I'm not going to tell anyone how they have to interpret anything or what they have to think of it, especially something like poetry.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#8
Technically, nobody yet. I'm not sure when to report it though because I forgot to set a end date for the poll.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#9
Quote by Ganoosh
Technically, nobody yet. I'm not sure when to report it though because I forgot to set a end date for the poll.


You really aren't good at these, are you? But who won? You can ask a mod to lock it. And it's pretty convenient of you to not set an end date for a poll, huh? *squints through monocle*
#10
I won. And I took care of it, don't you worry.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black