#1
So here's a poem i wrote a while ago:

Vanity of a vessel

How come every time your ideals drown in materia/
you smirk like the t-rex you are?/
is it because your teeth taste like cereal/
and your roots have float too far?/

you are just a lampoon of your past/
a creation that won't last/
an anti-pondering skeleton of fabric/
a scab that makes the wound sick/
glamour equals delusion/
escaping from the solution/

deform the air inside your skull/
reject every carbohydrate with ease/
your facade covered in null/
the media has you on a leash/
cartwheels over diamonds, forever infected/
flaunting your infection, inferno is selected/
by you and your parasites,
by you and your parasites!
#2
Quote by Heliotrope
So here's a poem i wrote a while ago:

Vanity of a vessel

How come every time your ideals drown in materia/
you smirk like the t-rex you are?/
is it because your teeth taste like cereal/
and your roots have float too far?/
very interesting first stanza. it sets up the piece but i'm still a bit confused why you used some of the words and similes that you did. interesting, though.

you are just a lampoon of your past/
a creation that won't last/
an anti-pondering skeleton of fabric/
a scab that makes the wound sick/
glamour equals delusion/
escaping from the solution/
it's surprising to say, but i did not like how you went into the rhyme scheme. some of the lines, especially the last two, were a bit forced. i liked the structure of the first stanza and i think if you keep it going in that direction, you will have a better flowing piece.

deform the air inside your skull/
reject every carbohydrate with ease/
i loved these two lines for some reason, excellent choice of words and imagery usage.
your facade covered in null/
the media has you on a leash/
cartwheels over diamonds, forever infected/
flaunting your infection, inferno is selected/
again, the end rhymes felt a bit forced, but i like your word selection in these two lines.
by you and your parasites,
by you and your parasites!


i still don't have a good grasp as to what this piece is about, but i'm trying to formulate something up. the first stanza really hooked me in with your choice of imagery, similes, and words. i think you shouldn't try too hard to rhyme, because some of your best lines come when you didn't have a rhyming structure.

good job, c4c?
"take your form
be my fear, be my hope
be the indication
if i'm right or wrong

take your most dreadful form
and let it be known"
he provided assurance
#3
i like to change it up when i write poems. But sometimes i do keep the scheme similar throughout the poem. And most of my poems don't rhyme but for some odd reason i posted this one that does.