#1

There’s a girl on a bus that’s going to crash
but she doesn’t know it.
It’s night time outside so when she looks out
it’s her face that reflects
off dark glass.
Her bus-pass’ expired and she got on board
on the merit of a cheerful bright smile,
while holding the thought of how lucky she was,
she closes another set mile
on her last
one.

two.

three.


gone.



This is not a pipe
#2
I'm not sure if I like how you set up the ending with the first two lines. It kind of felt like you were telling me at the start how I'm supposed to feel at the end, and it took away any chance of suspense. On the other hand, being able to do that and still have the piece come out successful isn't an easy feat, and I would say that this was successful. You could have expanded on the idea more, but it wasn't necessary. One other thing I'll mention is in regards to line 3. I don't think you need "outside" there. It's kind of a given when you say it's night time and she's looking out. And it doesn't come off very smooth to me with "outside" and "out" in the same line anyways.

A couple thoughts anyways.

#3
I don't like the second line. It's kind of obvious, so it doesn't add much. And besides that, I just don't like it....

Other than that, I liked it. The irony was there, and I guess the first lines where there for that purpose. Good job
#4
<3
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#5
Liked it. Only thing is I'd count down from three to one, as opposed to up from one to three. Also agree that the "outside" in line three is kinda unecessary. Still though, liked it alot.
#6
"There’s a girl on a bus that’s going to crash
but she doesn’t know it."

-- that is everything I love about writing... and about you.