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#1
I was reading fanfiction like I usually do and i saw a link to chat with a Mormon rep from the church so I decided I couldn't resist. The same link was on UG a while back but this time I got results. Here in my conversation:


Thank you for taking the time to chat with us and for your interest in the Church. Please know that you are welcome to worship with us any time, request a visit from Mormon missionaries, order a Book of Mormon, or continue to browse our Web site to learn more answers to life's greatest questions.

Close this window
Charlene:

Hi How are you?
Timmy:

hi
Timmy:

im pretty good. how are you?
Charlene:

how can I help you?
Charlene:

I'm pretty darn good. what's up?
Timmy:

i was just wondering about your religion and beliefs
Charlene:

awesome. What do you know already?
Timmy:

nothing at all really
Timmy:

i don't really have a religion at the moment and was wondering if this one was right for me
Charlene:

Do you believe in prophets in the Bible?
Timmy:

i like profit
Charlene:

Do you know who moses was? or Noah?
Timmy:

ohhhh. yeah
Charlene:

what do you know about them?
Timmy:

i know how moses parted the rd sea and noah built an ark
Charlene:

Awesome. Well both of these men were prophets. a Prophet is someone who God has called to preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the earth.
Timmy:

ok
Charlene:

there were prophets in the bible, like adam, noah, moses, and some others. They all testified of Jesus Christ.
Timmy:

ive never read the whole bible but I've heard it's a lovely work of fiction
Charlene:

Jesus Christ himself came to earth to organize his church, and to perform the atonement. are you familiar with the atonement?
Timmy:

i have no idea what that is
Charlene:

alright. Do you have a christian back ground?
Timmy:

kinda but not really
Timmy:

ive been to church before but that was when i was younger
Charlene:

ah. what kind of church, do you remember?
Timmy:

many types
Timmy:

methodist, lutheran, baptist, UU
Timmy:

a few more too i think
Charlene:

oh ok. well Christ made it possible for all of us to return to live with God, our Heavenly Father. He willingly took upon himself all our sins so we can become clean.
Timmy:

coming clean would be nice
Charlene:

But after Christ was rejected and crucified, His Gospel and priesthood authority was taken off the earth. The priesthood is the ability to act in Gods name. the Prophets before had this power.
Timmy:

i thought priesthood was the ability to touch little boys, or is that just in the catholic church?
Charlene:

the priesthood is the ability to act in Gods name, to performt he saving ordinances such as baptism
Charlene:

perform the*
Timmy:

oh. ok. there goes that career choice
Charlene:

would you like to know more?
Timmy:

no. my buddy just brought in the goat for tonight's sacrifice so I should probably go

*Charlene has left the conversational*
Quote by Kensai





Quote by Lots O' FX
Why do you hate America?
#2
You're gonna want to change that avatar.

Anyway,
RAZZLEFRAZZLE
Last edited by SoWrongItsMatt at Aug 29, 2009,
#3


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I wish I had an extra sensitive third nipple, and a girl who was into that sort of thing.

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Book of shadows 2?
O_o
#5
Quote by SoWrongItsMatt
You're gonna want to change that avatar.

Anyway,



Yeah at first i was like UNION JAKE IS BACK!?!?!
#6
Quote by 2 15/16
Charlene:

would you like to know more?
Timmy:

no. my buddy just brought in the goat for tonight's sacrifice so I should probably go

*Charlene has left the conversational*


Best part
#7
Quote by smb
Freakish mammals bring the end times. It's not even 2012 yet and we're all on the path to extinction. Send cash now to God-TV!
#8
Quote by LuckyBoys91
Yeah at first i was like UNION JAKE IS BACK!?!?!

me too I was like 'can it be?...'
You're using UG classic, congratulations.
You should be using UG classic.




E-Married to Guitar0Player

http://the llama forum because its gone forever which sucks and I hate it.
#9
You had me laughing until the part with priests touching little boys It was too obvious a joke...

Where can we talk with these people??
#10
Quote by 2 15/16

Charlene:

would you like to know more?
Timmy:

no. my buddy just brought in the goat for tonight's sacrifice so I should probably go

*Charlene has left the conversational*


lol!
"Their always is no such thing as a wrong note!"
#12
... we tried this a while back but the S.O.B.'s wouldn't respond so it turned into an omegel thread where we tried converting people to mormons, fun times
Gotta keep my eyes from the circling skies...
tounge tied and twisted just an earth bound misfit...

>CRYPTIC METAPHOR<


Quote by ilikepirates
ilikeyou.

not hated
#13
Quote by 2 15/16
Timmy:

i thought priesthood was the ability to touch little boys, or is that just in the catholic church?
Charlene:

the priesthood is the ability to act in Gods name, to performt he saving ordinances such as baptism
Charlene:

perform the*
Timmy:

oh. ok. there goes that career choice






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#15
Quote by 2 15/16
Timmy:

i thought priesthood was the ability to touch little boys, or is that just in the catholic church?
Charlene:




EDIT: damnit Kensai
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#16
It wasnt that funny, just a bit entertaining. You could have done better.
"Breasts the size of watermelons" is what Moses said to the Egyptians
#18
How come she didn't respond at all to the "lovely work of fiction" or "to touch little boys/there goes that career choice" ?
Goodness gracious me!
#19
Quote by XB0XDEM0N
It wasnt that funny, just a bit entertaining. You could have done better.

I know I could've. I was originally gonna slip "What are you wearing" in there but I trying to not make it too obvious and that's what happened.
Quote by Kensai





Quote by Lots O' FX
Why do you hate America?
#21
Quote by 2 15/16
I know I could've. I was originally gonna slip "What are you wearing" in there but I trying to not make it too obvious and that's what happened.

Makes sense I suppose.
"Breasts the size of watermelons" is what Moses said to the Egyptians
#22
We do this all the time at school during free periods.

It brings us many lulz.



stratkat
#23
currently havong fairly funny conversation with one of them... will post when Im done
#24
Hey man, don't be trollin' the Mormons. They are possibly some of the nicest people I've ever met.
Call me Jack.
All that you love...
...you must love now.
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#25
Here is the conversation I just had:


Thank you for taking the time to chat with us and for your interest in the Church. Please know that you are welcome to worship with us any time, request a visit from Mormon missionaries, order a Book of Mormon, or continue to browse our Web site to learn more answers to life's greatest questions.

Close this window
Elliott:

hi
James:

hi
James:

how are you?
Elliott:

how are you?
Elliott:

imm good and you?
James:

I'm pretty good. Just doing a bit of soul searching
Elliott:

ok
James:

mostly trying to find religion
James:

so you're a missionary?
Elliott:

yes
James:

what does that mean?
Elliott:

i go out for two years to teach the gospel
James:

oh. that sounds interesting
James:

i like missionary. i prefer it over other positions, how about you?
Elliott:

its really fun
James:

im sure it would be
James:

so tell me about the benefits of becoming a mormon
Elliott:

what?
James:

I've heard that God can heal all, is this true?
Elliott:

eternal life
Elliott:

yes
James:

so he could even heal me?
Elliott:

yes
Elliott:

if you ask him
James:

Good. I've been constipated for the past week and I feel like I have Gary Coleman playing hopscotch in my intestine
James:

Metamucil isn't helping so I've decided to let god give it a try
James:

How do I ask him?
Elliott:

yes ask him

*Elliot has left the conversation*
Quote by Kensai





Quote by Lots O' FX
Why do you hate America?
#26
Quote by LuckyBoys91
Yeah at first i was like UNION JAKE IS BACK!?!?!

+infinity.
Anyway, great job! Truly worthy of this:


half a lul-stack.
#31
Kinda long but funny, theres some lulzy LOTR stuff in it.

Brandon : How can I help you today?
Jim : Just chillin wit da homeboys how about you?
Brandon : Im just excellent
Brandon : What questions may you have today?
Jim : Just the usual stuff
Jim : What are the pros and cons of joining your unit compared to that of Satan's?
Brandon : Well Im not sure what Satan's unit is
Brandon : But I know joining the church has some nice pros!
Jim : You know, Satan's "crew" as they say
Jim : What pros?
Brandon : I'm not familiar with his crew
Brandon : Well there are lots of nice people at the church. (Not sure if your into dating or anything but.....)
Brandon : Church is a great place where you can worship and get answers to your questions for free!
Brandon : We have lots of interesting DVDs what are you looking for?
Jim : Dating eh? Like dating real alive people?
Jim : I'm basically looking for a DVD to tell me about Satan's crew (the biker/samurai gang) compared to The Church of Latter Day Saints
Brandon : Ya thats a lot more fun than dating fake people, or people over the internet
Jim : Or unconscious/dead people
Jim : Correct me if I'm wrong but I've heard that upon joining Satan's Crew, you are awarded with a sword fashioned out of one of the bones of Jesus himself, is this even possible?
Brandon : Oh, I wonder if they have those, I know we don't
Jim : Oh, yes they have a wonderful dvd with lots of information about their program
Brandon : No I don't think so, Jesus actually took all his bones with him after being resurrected, that sounds like false advertising.
Jim : But im not sure its right for me
Jim : Then im guessing the motorcycles that use his blood as gas are hogwash as well?
Brandon : Yes none of its true.
Brandon : Maybe I can tell you a little about our church.
Jim : Ok, I will give it a chance
Jim : What weapons do you give new recruits?
Brandon : Ok, we believe that God is our Heavenly Father and that he wants each of us to be happy here on earth.
Brandon : We give new members the Sword of Truth, the Breastplate of Righteousness and the Armor of God!
Jim : So, the sword of truth is that like a broadsword/katana/dagger?
Jim : and armor, we talkin chainmail ringmail what?
Jim : any enchantments?
Brandon : It's all figurative armor, sorry.
Brandon : But I'm sure you can make your own if you like.
Jim : Oh.....
Brandon : I know a lot of people started collecting swords after the Lord of the Rings movie, but I'm not really into that... : 0
Brandon : But have you heard about the Book of Mormon?
Jim : Is that the one before the Hobbit?
Jim : J.R. Tolkein is a genius ya?
Brandon : Well the entire set really
Jim : The Book of Mormon, is the one where Frodo gets the ring from his uncle Dildo Baggins of something right?
Jim : of*
Brandon : For sure!
Jim : No thats the Fellowship
Brandon : No, sorry!
Jim : wtf
Brandon : The Book of Mormon is better!
Brandon : Its a lot of stories, and its shorter!
Jim : Are there orcs?
Brandon : In warcraft or lord of the rings?
Jim : In the book of mormon
Brandon : Ya there are no orcs, its more of a factual book. Apparently there were no orcs?
Jim : There was a white wizard and his name was Jesus Christ.
Brandon : I kid you not! There is some symbolism to the book!
Jim : Ya supposedly the ring symbolizes the advancement of technology in the modern world, however prior to its release Tolkein came out and said there was no symbolism in the book.
Brandon : How lame!
Brandon : I liked the book pretending there was symbolism. He probably just didn't want to cover up for contradictions or something.
Jim : I think im going to go with Satan's Unit and the Jesus-Sword and the blood-cycles but thanks for your time.
Brandon : But really have you ever read any part of the Book of Mormon? It's got some pretty cool stuff to it.
*End*
Goodness gracious me!
Last edited by Bizarro at Aug 29, 2009,
#34
Quote by slayaplaya
I can't copy the text!!!!


can I only do it after the conversation is done?

right click then select all then right click again and copy
Quote by Kensai





Quote by Lots O' FX
Why do you hate America?
#35
ok thanks, I couldn't mark it the way I usually do, not done yet... this woman really wants to tell me about this crap XD
#36
I might screw over 2 in one conversation, Ill post it when Im done
Bands I must see in concert
Silvertide
The Black Crowes
Jackyl
Black Stone Cherry
AC/DC
StoneRider
Freedomhawk
The Darkness and/or the sideprojects of the band members
Buckcherry
The Answer

Theres more. But those are the main ones
#37
Quote by Bizarro
Brandon : How can I help you today?
Jim : Just chillin wit da homeboys how about you?
Brandon : Im just excellent
Brandon : What questions may you have today?
Jim : Just the usual stuff
Jim : What are the pros and cons of joining your unit compared to that of Satan's?
Brandon : Well Im not sure what Satan's unit is
Brandon : But I know joining the church has some nice pros!
Jim : You know, Satan's "crew" as they say
Jim : What pros?
Brandon : I'm not familiar with his crew
Brandon : Well there are lots of nice people at the church. (Not sure if your into dating or anything but.....)
Brandon : Church is a great place where you can worship and get answers to your questions for free!
Brandon : We have lots of interesting DVDs what are you looking for?
Jim : Dating eh? Like dating real alive people?
Jim : I'm basically looking for a DVD to tell me about Satan's crew (the biker/samurai gang) compared to The Church of Latter Day Saints
Brandon : Ya thats a lot more fun than dating fake people, or people over the internet
Jim : Or unconscious/dead people
Jim : Correct me if I'm wrong but I've heard that upon joining Satan's Crew, you are awarded with a sword fashioned out of one of the bones of Jesus himself, is this even possible?
Brandon : Oh, I wonder if they have those, I know we don't
Jim : Oh, yes they have a wonderful dvd with lots of information about their program
Brandon : No I don't think so, Jesus actually took all his bones with him after being resurrected, that sounds like false advertising.
Jim : But im not sure its right for me
Jim : Then im guessing the motorcycles that use his blood as gas are hogwash as well?
Brandon : Yes none of its true.
Brandon : Maybe I can tell you a little about our church.
Jim : Ok, I will give it a chance
Jim : What weapons do you give new recruits?
Brandon : Ok, we believe that God is our Heavenly Father and that he wants each of us to be happy here on earth.
Brandon : We give new members the Sword of Truth, the Breastplate of Righteousness and the Armor of God!
Jim : So, the sword of truth is that like a broadsword/katana/dagger?
Jim : and armor, we talkin chainmail ringmail what?
Jim : any enchantments?
Brandon : It's all figurative armor, sorry.
Brandon : But I'm sure you can make your own if you like.
Jim : Oh.....
Brandon : I know a lot of people started collecting swords after the Lord of the Rings movie, but I'm not really into that... : 0
Brandon : But have you heard about the Book of Mormon?
Jim : Is that the one before the Hobbit?
Jim : J.R. Tolkein is a genius ya?
Brandon : Well the entire set really
Jim : The Book of Mormon, is the one where Frodo gets the ring from his uncle Dildo Baggins of something right?
Jim : of*
Brandon : For sure!
Jim : No thats the Fellowship
Brandon : No, sorry!
Jim : wtf
Brandon : The Book of Mormon is better!
Brandon : Its a lot of stories, and its shorter!
Jim : Are there orcs?
Brandon : In warcraft or lord of the rings?
Jim : In the book of mormon
Brandon : Ya there are no orcs, its more of a factual book. Apparently there were no orcs?
Jim : There was a white wizard and his name was Jesus Christ.
Brandon : I kid you not! There is some symbolism to the book!
Jim : Ya supposedly the ring symbolizes the advancement of technology in the modern world, however prior to its release Tolkein came out and said there was no symbolism in the book.
Brandon : How lame!
Brandon : I liked the book pretending there was symbolism. He probably just didn't want to cover up for contradictions or something.
Jim : I think im going to go with Satan's Unit and the Jesus-Sword and the blood-cycles but thanks for your time.
Brandon : But really have you ever read any part of the Book of Mormon? It's got some pretty cool stuff to it.
*End*




This one can't be real.
#39
Quote by crazy8rgood


This one can't be real.


It is, lol I can't believe he stayed with it the whole time I could have kept going but I ended it cause I was tired of typing it out.
Goodness gracious me!
#40
Quote by Cameronrobson
I'm a Mormon you fucking asshole.




DON'T MAKE ME DESTROY YOU!


___________________________________________________


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My God, this must be the smartest/greatest guy ever.
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