#1
The best part is that all of you are going to hate this. Happy suffering.


“Elephant.”
Definition: Either of two large, five-toed pachyderms of the family Elephantidae, characterized by a long, prehensile trunk formed of the nose and upper lip with enormous flapping ears, two fingerlike projections at the end of the trunk, and ivory tusks.

“Elephant, elephant, elephant, elephant, elephant, elephant.”
“Elephant Elephant Elephant Elephant.
Elephant
Ellifent
Elefent
Ellaphant.

Ell-uh-fent Elephant
Ellifunt
Elefant.
Elephint Ellafant.

Elefint.
Ell-a-phant. Elephant.

Ellifunt.
Ellaphent.”


The word twists around my tongue and reluctantly lets go.
At first.
With each utterance,
the noises and syllables slide off of my lips
smoother and smoother
Until I’m not sure if I’m saying Elefunt anymore,
or if I’m saying anything at all.
What the hell is an Elephent?

“Elefent, Ell-uh-fant , Elaphint.”

After about the seven hundredth
Or eight hundredth?
time, the word becomes meaningless,
and so do all the others.
All these werds start meltingtogether
and spelling is nolonger important.
Out windo the goes syntax
buut the werds keep flo-ing frum
my tender lipss,
dripping silkierthanever.
The werds comeout the way theiy want too comeout.
becoming less ever cum-buhr-sum every time speak I them,
havv-ing less meening time each.

“Elefunt”
Deffuhnishin: E-L-L-A-P-H-A-N-T
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
Last edited by Ganoosh at Aug 31, 2009,
#2
I love it!
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You sir, are a genius.

I salute you.

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The bestowing of this thread on my life is yours. Thank you, Benjabenja.
#3
I'm sure some people will find this absolutely amazing, but it just makes me want to shoot myself in the face. Please go back to prose, or make it about something other than elaphunts.

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#4
Quote by Wulphy
but it just makes me want to shoot myself in the face.



Exactly the reaction I was expecting from about 60% of the people that read it.


I might have some more prose coming maybe later this week. Be patient.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#5
I wanted to cut my ballsack off just to distract me from this awful piece of elephant ****. That's how bad it was.

cwutididthar?
#6
I thought it was absolutely brilliant. I've always loved the division between the freedom of spoken word and the law of written word. In this piece, you seem to have broken that division quite skillfully.
#8
“Elephant.”
Definition: Either of two large, five-toed pachyderms of the family Elephantidae, characterized by a long, prehensile trunk formed of the nose and upper lip with enormous flapping ears, two fingerlike projections at the end of the trunk, and ivory tusks.
I learned something about elephants. That is all.

“Elephant, elephant, elephant, elephant, elephant, elephant.” “Elephant Elephant Elephant Elephant Elephant Ellifent Elefent Ellaphant. Ell-uh-fent Elephant Ellifunt Elefant. Elephint Ellafant. Elefant. Ell-a-phant. Elephant. Ellifunt. Ellaphent.”
If you eliminate all of the line breaks and formating this is what you're left with. This is garbage. You can't tell me that you would be interested in this at all if you were to find it anywhere. I don't care if the person you respected most wrote this; You would feel that this sucks even if said person wrote it. You're trying to be poetic. Don't be. Quite a few writers do this weird formating **** to be cool and what not. The words don't gain super powers if they're set on the right and all over the place. It just becomes annoying in my honest opinion when things are scattered like this. One line of you repeating elephant is by far enough to lead into the next stanza.

The word twists around my tongue and reluctantly lets go.
I think it would be much better to say "elephant twists around..." perhaps put quotes if you feel that you need to. 'The word' sounds very generic and replacing it with 'elephant' adds just a tid-bit more of thought needed by the reader.
At first.
This line seems incredibly out of place. Either un-isolate it. Or remove it.
With each utterance,
the noises and syllables slide off of my lips
smoother and smoother
Until I’m not sure if I’m saying Elefunt anymore,
or if I’m saying anything at all.
What the hell is an Elephent?
The rest of this part worked quite well. In fact, it's the only part that actually worked well.
apart from the last line... That seemed like a stupid question.


“Elefent, Ell-uh-fant , Elaphint.”
This continues to build well.

After about the seven hundredth
Or eight hundredth?
time, the word becomes meaningless,
and so do all the others.
All these werds start meltingtogether
and spelling is nolonger important.
Out windo the goes syntax
buut the werds keep flo-ing frum
my tender lipss,
dripping silkierthanever.
The werds comeout the way theiy want too comeout.
becoming less ever cum-buhr-sum every time speak I them,
havv-ing less meening time each.
and, this I hated for obvious reasons.

“Elefunt”
Deffuhnishin: E-L-L-A-P-H-A-N-T
eh, ending was okay I guess.
Promises meant a lot back then.