#1
In the sea of color, there isn't much to see
It's just him and her, you and me
They're all the same, just not alike
Yes, they're all very much the same
But choices must be made,
Even if they aren't...well...right

In the sea of color, there isn't much to see
It's just him and her, you and me
The skies grow dark, as the lights grow dim
Ha! It's funny how you do this to that,
And that ends up...confused?

In the sea of color, there's a whole lot to see
Wait. That's not right. That's not the way it was meant to be
Well, as it turns out,
Some things just decide to change,
Even if you'd rather have them be...
The same


Well, if you read through all that, you're probably very confused. Don't worry, so was everyone else who read it . In any case, I wrote that poem (or whatever the fancy word for it is) for a reason. Imo, the meaning of it is pretty obvious once you know what it is. But before I give that away, I'd like to know what you guys think it represents or means

I'll C4C, just post here with a link

Thanks
#2
Quote by Ace1013
In the sea of color, there isn't much to see
I liked this here, especially your use of the two homonyms.
It's just him and her, you and me
They're all the same, just not alike
Yes, they're all very much the same
This line is unnecessary.
But choices must be made,
Even if they aren't...well...right
I don't like the conversationalism here. Colloquial phraseology has its place, but it doesn't fit it well here IMHO.


In the sea of color, there isn't much to see
It's just him and her, you and me
I don't like this repetition so much.....
The skies grow dark, as the lights grow dim
Ha! It's funny how you do this to that,
And that ends up...confused?
Again with the colloquialism.

In the sea of color, there's a whole lot to see
Wait. That's not right. That's not the way it was meant to be
Well, as it turns out,
Some things just decide to change,
Even if you'd rather have them be...
The same
Again with the colloquialism.


Well, if you read through all that, you're probably very confused. Don't worry, so was everyone else who read it . In any case, I wrote that poem (or whatever the fancy word for it is) for a reason. Imo, the meaning of it is pretty obvious once you know what it is. But before I give that away, I'd like to know what you guys think it represents or means

I'll C4C, just post here with a link

Thanks


First, I didn't like this as a colloquial piece. It could be much improved, IMO, as a more formal piece.

Second, my interpretation. I think the sea of color indicates a time when everything is not just black and white. There are many variables and things aren't so simple. And yet it is so simple. Because it's just about a boy and a girl. So maybe the sea of color is a sea of black and white, because there isn't much to see. And the black and white, with maybe a few shades of grey are very similar, but not exactly alike.

And a situation arises where the protagonist must make a choice, most likely with connection to the girl. And there are not very many choices, not very many right ones. So he makes a decision he had to make, even though it wasn't necessarily the right one. Maybe in a moment of weakness, he let it slip though his defenses.

Nighttime comes, and that's when the protagonist makes his decision. And it's the wrong one. And it screws everything up.

I'm guessing this is about cheating. The main character had a moment of weakness and cheated on his girlfriend, which made everything all dramatic and confusing and changed his world from a place of purely right and wrong to a place with twists and mitigating factors. Those may just be his justifications, but his world is now a lot less clear, but not necessarily any worse.

Did I get it?

And please crit this: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1192297
Last edited by mamosa at Aug 31, 2009,
#3
Quote by mamosa
*text*


I see what you're getting at, but it's not quite that complicated. It does involve a girl though. The part about the where situations arise is correct, in the fact that something arises. However, it isn't the protagonists decision, it's actually the girl that makes the choice.

Like I said, started out close to the way I interpreted it, but my interpretation is a lot simpler than that. But I like your version of it. I never thought of it quite like that, and I see how it would end up as a very good formal piece if I developed it towards your interpretation


Anyways, I'll keep your thoughts in mind, maybe even change it to have that meaning. But at the moment, it's written the way it is and I'd like some more feedback from other people.

Anyone else want to give it a go?