#1
Spent about 2 days on it.

Its a work in progress, it'll change quite a bit once I'm done finalizing it.

Temp solo.


Let me know what you guys think, c4c as always.



Activate.


Verse 1:
=======
The hammer strikes down
The machines are in place
Tapping into the core of you mother star

To create a rip in time
To go back to the one I love
To move the heavens themselv es
Your memory above all else

========
Pre Chorus
========
Bridge
========


Verse 2:
=======
The dreams
The nightmares
They all seem so real.
You fade, each cycle(night), deeper into the unknown

I have spent 10,000 years
Looking for the perfect star
My journey coming to an end
The darkness no longer feared


Chorus:
=======
A path to the past
A rip in time
To Seek my love
in the sea of memories

Scoured the stars for far too long
My end in sight, to hold you in my arms


Bridge:
======
Cold.
Calculated.
Murder.
Sacrifice
as many as I need
to open the hole
wipe their system clean
Total control.


Verse 2:
=======
Harness the power of this insignificant star
Flip the switch, eradicate, light turns to dark
The force collapses, into one singular point
My heart burns a path....

Chorus:
=======
A path to the past
A rip in time
To Seek my love
in the sea of memories

Scoured the stars for far too long
My end in sight, to hold you in my arms


====
Solo
====

Chorus:
=======
A path to the past
A rip in time
To Seek my love
in the sea of memories

Scoured the stars for far too long
My end in sight, to hold you in my arms

=====
Outro
=====



Lovin' the chorus, and yes, the extra notes are played on a 3rd guitar for the chorus, I was too lazy too fix it.
Attachments:
A_rip_in_time_by_tabreezazad.zip
"Our revenge so everlasting sweet,
Enslave your Children, Behead the weak,
Kill every last Man, Woman and Machine
The cleansing has begun.
Your meek defense is foolish,
we come from the stars a trillion strong."
#2
you had some good solo sections there i liked it, but some of the riffs seemed a bit wierd to me, maybe try and make them more melodic and memorable nothing really stuck out, pretty good though as your still working on it
Gear:
ESP ltd MH-1000
Jackson DK2T
Bugera 6262-212
Roland Cube 30X


I Was at Download 07/08/09/10 Because I'm not a Cheap Bastard and I'm Damn Proud!
#3
Dude that sounds really good. Usually I think melodic death is pretty gay coz of all those conventional little "gothenburg" melodies. But this is quite good I quite enjoyed it. Verse riff is brilliantly composed.

I think it's kinda wierd how you kept using those major third intervals though...are they actually in key? They sound a bit awkward in the bridge for example, particularly given the lyrics in that section are about "sacrificing" and "wiping the system clean". I'm thinking it might sound a bit darker and perhaps more suiting for this section if you perhaps switched some of them to flat 5ths or perhaps even some flat 2nds. I think the whole "out of key" thing works well in this section though.

The chorus doesn't sound right to me. I think the ringing of the notes you have with parts like bar 80 work really well, but again following that those major 3rds come in and make it sound a little too much like killswitch engage for my liking, and I think the progression from F to G in bar 79 is also a bit out of place. Despite all of it being in key in this section, (C minor yeah?) I think the upbeat/hopefullness of it is a little too blatant after the fairly heavy verse/pre-chorus.

Anyway, overall quite good I enjoyed it thoroughly. Also the solos were quite good so well done on that. Regardless of everything I have said, it's a better job than I could have ever done so great work man really well done overall.
#4
Drums are overbearing in parts.
______________________________________________________________________
Last edited by Gyroscope : Tomorrow at 01:00 PM.
#5
Quote by Gyroscope
Drums are overbearing in parts.


What can I say, I am no drummer but I love drums haha
"Our revenge so everlasting sweet,
Enslave your Children, Behead the weak,
Kill every last Man, Woman and Machine
The cleansing has begun.
Your meek defense is foolish,
we come from the stars a trillion strong."
#6
I didn't like most of the riffs, they seemed either too happy or almost out of key. It's difficult to explain, but the major thirds are quite overbearing in some parts.

But that verse riff was ****ing sweet
Quote by RU Experienced?
Yeah, I have fond memories as a child of fapping to a porno with my close friends before sitting down for a nice relaxing evening of Runescape.
#7
Holy **** man thats really good. I really dig the verse a lot the solo is really cool too. Liking the key change in it. The harmonizing part in 156 is really good.

Overall, I really dig it. Job well done. I cant really find a flaw in it.

If you could, I'd really appreciate it if you critiqued my deathcore bands' EP. Even if its not your thing, I need a solid review on it :P

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1188169
#8
Quote by SatanicShredder
I didn't like most of the riffs, they seemed either too happy or almost out of key. It's difficult to explain, but the major thirds are quite overbearing in some parts.

But that verse riff was ****ing sweet


I don't write in this style usually, and the happy riffs haha yea, the chorus you mean (and the intro riff), I think I was listening to arch enemy that day when I came up w/ the main riff.

And that verse riff, jesus, its a doozy to play (I don't usually play in standard), the tremelo picked part (bar 20-21) puts a big grin on my face when I play it haha


@TooToughTrenton:

Thanks for the crit man! I'll post a crit for your song in about 5 min.
"Our revenge so everlasting sweet,
Enslave your Children, Behead the weak,
Kill every last Man, Woman and Machine
The cleansing has begun.
Your meek defense is foolish,
we come from the stars a trillion strong."
#9
for my it's impossible to play in many parts, the drums are not bad, but in the chorus i think it's better if you use a more simple pattern, the solo is nice, and the post-chorus too.
finally the riffs are good, but sometimes impossible to play, the song is nice structured, but nothing special, and the drum except the chorus are pretty good.
I can't judge the lyrics because english is not my mother language and i'm not good at critiquing
7,5/10 for me

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1193511
R.I.P.
Chuck Schuldiner 1967-2001
Ronnie James Padavona 1942-2010
Darrell Lance Abbott 1966-2004
Jon Nödtveidt 1975-2006
Per Yngve Ohlin 1969-1991
Øystein Aarseth 1968-1993
Joe Ptaceck 1973-2010
Ace Börje Thomas Forsberg 1966-2004
#10
Quote by Simon Blackwing
for my it's impossible to play in many parts, the drums are not bad, but in the chorus i think it's better if you use a more simple pattern, the solo is nice, and the post-chorus too.
finally the riffs are good, but sometimes impossible to play, the song is nice structured, but nothing special, and the drum except the chorus are pretty good.
I can't judge the lyrics because english is not my mother language and i'm not good at critiquing
7,5/10 for me

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1193511


Which parts are hard the play? I would consider this an intermediate song in terms of difficulty. The verse riff is hard to play, thats for sure, but not impossible. Metronome + practice. You get to a point in your playing where you can come up w/ riffs like that (which seem hard to play when tabbed out) on the fly, you don't even think about it.

Post chorus is done on 3 guitars, so those "let ring" notes are done on another guitar, otherwise that would be impossible lol

For me the hardest part is bar 158-159, but if you have a good economy picking technique its pretty straight forward (you could easily pull it off w/ alt. picking too, I prefer economy though).

Thanks for the crit, I'll crit yours tonight!
"Our revenge so everlasting sweet,
Enslave your Children, Behead the weak,
Kill every last Man, Woman and Machine
The cleansing has begun.
Your meek defense is foolish,
we come from the stars a trillion strong."
#11
I thought the drums were pretty damn good. Very engaging. As a WIP, this is really good.
Some of the riffs are a little jagged, but with some polish, you'll have an ultimate song.
I'm not talking about the verses, as those are excellent. I like the chorus too. Your leads are well done too.

That ending is gunna need some more closure however.
#13
****, that verse riff is tearing my freaking wrist apart. Its sick, but that part really tires you out, mainly since I'm doing most of the harmonies by my self, anyways. Great song. I wouldn't call it Melodic DM, more like proggy kind of metal, but its really good. The chorus has a nice epic, Iron Maiden feel to it and the rest is pretty sick. TBH, one of my fave metals songs I've seen on this forum, waay better then most of the stuff labeled metal around here.

I'll have a song finished in the next week or two and I'll PM when I finish it, kay? Then you can review it whenever.
#14
Quote by MadAudioMan
****, that verse riff is tearing my freaking wrist apart. Its sick, but that part really tires you out, mainly since I'm doing most of the harmonies by my self, anyways. Great song. I wouldn't call it Melodic DM, more like proggy kind of metal, but its really good. The chorus has a nice epic, Iron Maiden feel to it and the rest is pretty sick. TBH, one of my fave metals songs I've seen on this forum, waay better then most of the stuff labeled metal around here.

I'll have a song finished in the next week or two and I'll PM when I finish it, kay? Then you can review it whenever.


Thanks for the crit man, and yea, send me the link and I'll crit it no problem.

I didn't know what to call this song (genre wise), so I just labeled MDM lol

The verse riff, hell ya man, it's easier played in drop tuning but its a good wrist workout, I know I can't play it at speed off the get go, I need to warm up first.

Check your messages

"Our revenge so everlasting sweet,
Enslave your Children, Behead the weak,
Kill every last Man, Woman and Machine
The cleansing has begun.
Your meek defense is foolish,
we come from the stars a trillion strong."
Last edited by cptazad at Sep 4, 2009,
#15
Awesome man! In Flames being one of my favouirte all-time bands, I can really hear the Gothenburg influence here.

Intro is a nice starting point, but nothing too special. Fits the song well.

Verse is such an awesome, unconventional riff. Amazing work here. Pre-chorus section works really well too.

Chorus might be too drastic of a change. It fits the song, it just feels a bit uneasy when it first kicks in. When you add the high let-ring notes.. big thumbs up man aha.

Bridge/Pre-solo riff is so awesome. The bend is so brutal xD.

Solid solo, not much to say here. Straight third harmonizing is kind of generic, but it works and sounds killer.

Overall 9/10. Nice work, would love to see you explore this genre more. Oh, nice lyrics by the way!

C4C?! https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1193948
We can only guffaw at all the humbug we are told about martyrs.
#16
Wow this is the kind of stuff I love to hear. That verse riff is pretty sick dude. The solos were really good too nice job. I don't usually tab my drums crazy like that, but I wish I could. In my opinion I love those crazy all-over-the-place drums. It never gets boring, it's a very exciting piece. Obviously it's not done, so hopefully you'll kill the fadeout in the end and add more. The only thing I would crit on is the chorus. It just didn't have the same mood as the whole rest of the song. It just seemed too different from the rest. But everything else was kickass! Awesome job man! Definitely a 8.5/10 for what you have.

c4c
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1194560
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