#1
c4c obviously

cracks, lines, footsteps
on the sidewalk beside
the discarded aspirations
oh well
it's just litter on the street

we threw away our telescopes
what lies ahead is no suprise
nothing unseen by these eyes
i surmise
apathy's got it's hold on me

oh, we used to dream
we used to cry
we used to love
we used to live
Quote by RATM forever
definitely the best spam thread today!
#2
Quote by halloweenhead
c4c obviously

cracks, lines, footsteps
on the sidewalk beside
the discarded aspirations
oh well
it's just litter on the street

we threw away our telescopes
what lies ahead is no suprise
nothing unseen by these eyes
i surmise
apathy's got it's hold on me

oh, we used to dream
we used to cry
we used to love
we used to live


I really like this, it's short and somewhat simple but great nonetheless. The second stanza is the highlight of this piece by far. Great job.

c4c?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1193074
#3
I agree, very nice piece. Short, but it really doesn't leave anything to be said. I loved your choice of words; you seem to have a broad vocabulary. Again, really nice read.

Please crit my song "Sugarblind" if you've got some spare time. ^_^
#4
The last 4 lines really ruin this piece for me. Everything up to that is so jive and mellow and truth seeking but original. And then you hit those last 4 and they are so cliche and hollow of emotional originality. I'd say drop them and just let your piece flow down to its own conclusion instead of adding these preset conclusions that make the piece "deep." Those cliches don't add anything here, they simply take away the magic that your images and mellow vibe created.

If you remove those last 4, I really enjoyed this a lot.

Cheers,

zC