#1
very ots. i have a philosophy exam tomorrow at 7 a.m. and i haven't studied a single thing. c4c


in auditorium seats
hand over hand
closed dry lips
kiss fighting air
eyes look in eyes;
carnival of white
illuminate the room
like warm christmas lights
the soul of kind heart
reasons for songs
kings and their tombs

an orchestra plays
breathe tints of spring air
we sit together
trying to stay away;
poetry over carpets
blankets over heartbeats
violins get louder
and orange and sweeter
melons and wine
o cigarette paris
drink from the glass
this one or that one
different lives/lies
feel me or
feel him
feel something
"i just want you to be happy-"

smelling of peaches and roses
prairie or city (¿por qué?)
dancing or stealing---
flower in your hair
"llamame como quieras."
Last edited by cubs at Sep 2, 2009,
#2
Quote by cubs
very ots. i have a philosophy exam tomorrow at 7 a.m. and i haven't studied a single thing. c4c


in auditorium seats
hand over hand
closed dry lips
kiss fighting air
eyes look in eyes;
carnival of white
illuminate the room
like warm christmas lights
the soul of kind heart
reasons for songs
kings and their tombs

The imagery in this stanza is mindbending, the only thing that bugged me was the little semicolon, it seemed out of place. Also, I feel like something is missing in between the last and second to last line.

an orchestra plays
breathe tints of spring air
Beautiful.
we sit together
trying to stay away;
poetry over carpets
blankets over heartbeats
violins get louder
and orange and sweeter
melons and wine
o cigarette paris
drink from the glass
this one or that one
different lives/lies
feel me or
feel him
feel something
"i just want you to be happy-"

The way this just wrapped it up is astounding, and beautiful. This stanza doesn't seem to flow as well as the last, though.

smelling of peaches and roses
prairie or city (¿por qué?)
dancing or stealing---
flower in your hair
"llamame como quieras."[

Amazing.


Absolutely beautiful, but can you translate the title for me? My french is rusty.

Link to my piece in my sig, if you find the time.
Quote by Ur all $h1t
I stick stuff in my pee hole.

Gear:

Schecter C-1 Classic
Ibanez S670PB
Stratocaster MIM Standard
Marshall MG30 (its purple )
Dunlop Crybaby Wah
#3
i actually don't know any french, tee hee. the title means "im very happy to know you" or something like that (thanks katherine and kyrl!) the girl who this poem is about told me after spending an amazing night with her.

the spanish means "why?" and "call me whatever you want." respectively.

thanks wulphy, i'll get back to you tomorrow
#4
ahhhh I love it. This is an amazing feeling isn't it? You're so enthralled with this person that as painful as it is or would be to watch her with someone else, you are just so happy to see her smile and on and on and you don't know where it stops but you pray it's next to you. you really feel something there. I feel ya here man.

very smoothly written too.

lovely
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#5
Quote by jiminizzle
ahhhh I love it. This is an amazing feeling isn't it? You're so enthralled with this person that as painful as it is or would be to watch her with someone else, you are just so happy to see her smile and on and on and you don't know where it stops but you pray it's next to you. you really feel something there. I feel ya here man.

very smoothly written too.

lovely


jimi

you know i've written and posted two pieces here since yesterday. your post in the community thread last night made me think about stuff, and put me in a writing mood. i really should be thanking you. thank! leave links if you have something up

edit: here's the other one if youre interested
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1193740
Last edited by cubs at Sep 3, 2009,