#1
I've been learning about WWII and Anti-Semitism at school lately and it just sickens and horrifies me what adolf hitler did. This song is about it..

Defy the Cross – Awakened Inferno

Verse 1
What is this new name? Sub-consciously it exclaims that it’s insane
It got its followers one-by-one, it manipulated them so it will come
Extermination is his key, to kill what he doesn’t want to breathe
To give these people their suffering, is only what he is aspiring

Pre Chorus 1
What will he get from this slavery?
This barren heart, against these blooming people
The meadow of humans will surely be plagued

Chorus
Defy the cross and its prophecy, testify what you believe
Profanity is what you see, when you look at the cross
Defy the cross and I’ll hunt you down, Crush you whole with dictated power
Insanity is what you see, when you look at the eyes of the cross
(Alternate Chorus)
Defy the cross and it’s obsession, pound it out with your aggression
Madness is what you see, when you look at the cross

Verse 2
He has gained supremacy, he really breathes the air of the plague
This train track of despair, leads to the great camp of fear
Moving from one land to next, these powerless people are trapped!!
Eventually going to this void, they’re forgotten, lost and dead!!

Pre Chorus 2
Nowhere to be found any sanity
The bearers of the cross, they’re slowly destroyed
These mutants of humans are the spawns of hell

CHORUS

Interlude
I walk through this wasteland of which is deprived
Depravity is what is displayed
I smell the smoke of burning corpses, I just cannot believe
The vile oppression that mankind can make, it sickens me past my bones
Six million people die cause of who they are, where has the sanity gone!?
Showered and gassed and starving to death, tortured and laughed at, aloud?
I can’t get my head around this tyranny, I don’t know how it exists
No more of this can happen now, this burdened eagle and cross beware
I will liberate the suffering, rid of this plague and I vow to DEFY YOU!!!!


www.myspace.com/awakenedinferno
#2
Yeah I belive you, you got pretty into it what with the caps and punctuation an all. Barren heart is pretty cool if it's original.

One flaw though, everyone knows the holocaust was hilarious.
Better than Jesus, Megatron and T-Rex combined.

-
(. Y .)(. Y .)
- ) . ( - ) . (
- \ v / - \ v /


This ^ is why I'm right.
#3
Quote by Tea Cup
Yeah I belive you, you got pretty into it what with the caps and punctuation an all. Barren heart is pretty cool if it's original.

One flaw though, everyone knows the holocaust was hilarious.


I bolded the part that made your opinion invalid.
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#4
Quote by Henkdemachtige
I bolded the part that made your opinion invalid.

Very true man.

I really don't get what point you're trying to make by saying over 6 million people dying is hilarious..
#5
Quote by Bocob
Very true man.

I really don't get what point you're trying to make by saying over 6 million people dying is hilarious..


I feel it's really overdone. People died, we get it, move on now. It was horrible, to be sure, but the Jews use it as a defence as much as black people use slavery. Bad things happen, and people seem to forget that it was actually 10 million people who died, 4 million not being Jewish.

Overall, I thought your piece was awesome. I loved your use of vocabulary, and the imagery you used. I can't wait to see more from you

There's a piece in my sig if you don't mind checking it out.
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#6
Quote by Wulphy
I feel it's really overdone. People died, we get it, move on now. It was horrible, to be sure, but the Jews use it as a defence as much as black people use slavery. Bad things happen, and people seem to forget that it was actually 10 million people who died, 4 million not being Jewish.

Overall, I thought your piece was awesome. I loved your use of vocabulary, and the imagery you used. I can't wait to see more from you

There's a piece in my sig if you don't mind checking it out.


Really? Because I've never heard a Jew bring up how they're oppressed and the victims of racism (even though they are much more so than blacks) while I've heard plenty of blacks bring up slavery.

And the Jews were the focus of the attack and bore the brunt.
#7
Maybe it has been done, but you don´t hear people complaining when you write a song about a girll or about relatonships. Anyway not to start a war here (haha) or flamingfights. This piece was quite good. i enjoyed it
Quote by Holy Katana
Your last job only paid you $7.00 AUD an hour? That's like $6.05 in the US. What the hell is the minimum wage over there?


Quote by titsmcgee852
$0 for volunteer work

ollollolollol


^
#8
Quote by mamosa
Really? Because I've never heard a Jew bring up how they're oppressed and the victims of racism (even though they are much more so than blacks) while I've heard plenty of blacks bring up slavery.

And the Jews were the focus of the attack and bore the brunt.


The Israelis got a whole country out of it, but here isn't the place to discuss it.
Quote by Ur all $h1t
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Gear:

Schecter C-1 Classic
Ibanez S670PB
Stratocaster MIM Standard
Marshall MG30 (its purple )
Dunlop Crybaby Wah
#9
Yeah lol, sorry to enflame the subject haha

But I'd rather more comments about the lyrics
#10
More comments about the lyrics coming right up.
I think your writing is pretty good, and the imagery in the second verse and pre-chorus is particularly well done. That said, I think you could maybe work on your flow a bit, but I've never written for thrash metal. I'd probably need to hear it put to music before I really came up with something.

One big concern I have is that it might be fairly easy to misinterpret the song as being an assault on Christianity instead of on Nazi Germany and Hitler.

Also, to Wulphy - Shut up and stop pretending you know what you're talking about. When was the last time you saw a swastika carved into a bathroom wall or got asked if you were Jewish after picking up a quarter on the street? I'm willing to bet that's never happened to you, but believe me, it happens.
#11
This isn't a discussion/debate thread. Keep your racial opinions to yourself and comment on the quality of the writing.
#12
Quote by FrustratedRocka

One big concern I have is that it might be fairly easy to misinterpret the song as being an assault on Christianity instead of on Nazi Germany and Hitler.


This; as well as the fact that the word "cross" is repeated way too much in the chorus.
All I want is for everyone to go to hell...
...It's the last place I was seen before I lost myself



Quote by DisarmGoliath
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#13
Quote by Tea Cup
One flaw though, everyone knows the holocaust was hilarious.


Fascinating how people read things differently. I took this not as a comment on the holocaust, but a comment on the lyrics.

The interlude has these words:
“Showered and gassed and starving to death, tortured and laughed at, aloud?”

And I think the idea of laughter in this context is a very strange one. I’m not sure if it’s strange bad because it doesn’t make sense, or strange good because it makes you think. Probably the latter.

In general - well done.
#14
Verse 1
What is this new name? Sub-consciously it exclaims that it’s insane
It got its followers one-by-one, it manipulated them so it will come
Extermination is his key, to kill what he doesn’t want to breathe
To give these people their suffering, is only what he is aspiring

(For some reason I just think that name and insane kind of sound cheesy... I don't know why. It manipulated them so it will come would probably make more sense as manipulated them so they will come? Maybe just a thought... To kill what he doesn't want to breath doesn't really make sense... Perhaps "to asphyxiate what he doesn't want to breath" or "to annihilate all he doesn't want to breath" you should emphasis the hatred.)

Pre Chorus 1
What will he get from this slavery?
This barren heart, against these blooming people
The meadow of humans will surely be plagued

Chorus
Defy the cross and its prophecy, testify what you believe
Profanity is what you see, when you look at the cross
Defy the cross and I’ll hunt you down, Crush you whole with dictated power
Insanity is what you see, when you look at the eyes of the cross
(Alternate Chorus)
Defy the cross and it’s obsession, pound it out with your aggression
Madness is what you see, when you look at the cross

(You mention the cross way to much for my liking, what prophecy? Jesus? Dictated power doesn't really make sense to me either. How can your power be dictated if you're the top in your country?)

Verse 2
He has gained supremacy, he really breathes the air of the plague
This train track of despair, leads to the great camp of fear
Moving from one land to next, these powerless people are trapped!!
Eventually going to this void, they’re forgotten, lost and dead!!

(He breathes the air of the plague as opposed to he really breathes the air of the plague. Instead of going to this void why not try marching or floating or something to emphasise the horror they are feeling. Lost and dead could be adrift and defunct or something if you see what I mean.)

Pre Chorus 2
Nowhere to be found any sanity
The bearers of the cross, they’re slowly destroyed
These mutants of humans are the spawns of hell

(Try some rhyming here i.e. Nowhere to be found any sanity, spewing their repugnant, bigoted profanity, these mutant creatures are from the bowels of hell?)

CHORUS

Interlude
I walk through this wasteland of which is deprived
Depravity is what is displayed
I smell the smoke of burning corpses, I just cannot believe
The vile oppression that mankind can make, it sickens me past my bones
Six million people die cause of who they are, where has the sanity gone!?
Showered and gassed and starving to death, tortured and laughed at, aloud?
I can’t get my head around this tyranny, I don’t know how it exists
No more of this can happen now, this burdened eagle and cross beware
I will liberate the suffering, rid of this plague and I vow to DEFY YOU!!!!


(Too much use of depravity... You could use contamination, debauchery, vitiation... uhh... degradation)

Just trying to help out... Overall I think you've done a pretty good job just use more emotive words to really flesh out the emotion of your song. You're welcome

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1194825
#15
I originally was going to write this song about religion, but then I changed it to this. "Defy the Cross" is quite a cool title for a song in my opinion also..

As for "Depravity" I only use it like once in the whole song. Thanks anyways

Check out my other lyrics "Awakening the Inferno"
#16
I know you only used it once but you put deprived and depravity right next to each other... It's a senseless juxtaposition ... of sorts
#17
Hi don't mean to be a downer but i didn't really think there was much in your writing.I really think that the politics and suffering of that era are something that can't be expressed so simply.
12 million Jewish believed to be dead(missing or confirmed)depending on who you read.
Millions of British,Australian,American,French,Polish,German,Italian,Japanese i could go on with just the nationalities all night lost thier lives,lost our future.
It is good for you to feel for the fallen,those who were denied their future,but you must also realise that there are too many lives envolved to expect to sit down,pour out your revultion and for it to mean a lot.
Better off sitting down,remembering the sacrifices of those gone before you(pos even learning a bit more about the whole history of the era rather than just a tiny piece you have been taught in school) and writing about things that affect you personnally.
Good luck and i know where you were comeing from but you need to know a hell of a lot more about life and history before you can even dream about writing about something this immotive.
good luck
chris
#18
didn't like it

no subtlety to it at all
writing about the holocaust was a bad idea if you ask me
and "defy the cross" immediately makes me think of a corny anti-religion song
so if i were you i'd change the title, take out the first person bits, and narrow your scope
i feel like i'm being treated like an idiot who thinks the holocaust is a condiment when i read this because your thoughts on the matter are being put over aggresively and not just presented

that's personal preference though
alot of other people seem to like it but those are just my thoughts
#19
Quote by lugchris
Hi don't mean to be a downer but i didn't really think there was much in your writing.I really think that the politics and suffering of that era are something that can't be expressed so simply.
12 million Jewish believed to be dead(missing or confirmed)depending on who you read.
Millions of British,Australian,American,French,Polish,German,Italian,Japanese i could go on with just the nationalities all night lost thier lives,lost our future.
It is good for you to feel for the fallen,those who were denied their future,but you must also realise that there are too many lives envolved to expect to sit down,pour out your revultion and for it to mean a lot.
Better off sitting down,remembering the sacrifices of those gone before you(pos even learning a bit more about the whole history of the era rather than just a tiny piece you have been taught in school) and writing about things that affect you personnally.
Good luck and i know where you were comeing from but you need to know a hell of a lot more about life and history before you can even dream about writing about something this immotive.
good luck
chris

Thanks for the criticism. This song isn't meant to be very long, in my opinion I can't really explain all that in a short song ya know?

But again, thanks!
#20
Love the piece, really, it's quality.

Keep the racial discrimination to yourself.
a little lost.....
#21
Quote by lugchris
Hi don't mean to be a downer but i didn't really think there was much in your writing.I really think that the politics and suffering of that era are something that can't be expressed so simply.
12 million Jewish believed to be dead(missing or confirmed)depending on who you read.
Millions of British,Australian,American,French,Polish,German,Italian,Japanese i could go on with just the nationalities all night lost thier lives,lost our future.
It is good for you to feel for the fallen,those who were denied their future,but you must also realise that there are too many lives envolved to expect to sit down,pour out your revultion and for it to mean a lot.
Better off sitting down,remembering the sacrifices of those gone before you(pos even learning a bit more about the whole history of the era rather than just a tiny piece you have been taught in school) and writing about things that affect you personnally.
Good luck and i know where you were comeing from but you need to know a hell of a lot more about life and history before you can even dream about writing about something this immotive.
good luck
chris



Go away dude, you're off you're head, he doesn't have to personally endure pain to write about it, lyrics are written to express emotions, he is aghast at what happened in that era. Also, before you start criticizing others work, fix you're grammar.

I'll Underline all you're grammatical errors.
a little lost.....
#23
Is involved spelled envolved? Is coming spelled comeing? Is revulsion spelled revultion?

No, n00b. I don't want to argue with you though, just focus on the writing please.
a little lost.....
Last edited by Davo Ownz at Sep 5, 2009,
#24
Look, everyone I don't devote my whole life to studying the holocaust, it was horrible, and I thought it was a good subject to write a song about, I am jewish and it did affect my people but like I said, I don't devote my life to it.
#25
Exactly, mate, you can write about whatever the **** you want, like I said, since when do you have to experience personal loss/ pain to write about it?
a little lost.....
#26
Quote by Davo Ownz
Go away dude, you're off you're head, he doesn't have to personally endure pain to write about it, lyrics are written to express emotions, he is aghast at what happened in that era. Also, before you start criticizing others work, fix you're grammar.

I'll Underline all you're grammatical errors.


Go away yourself you useless grammmmmnmmmmatical fanny muncher.
I can spell antiting the way i deem or actually spill upon,the ability to use granmar or spel has no consiquence to the subject of whether i biiiilieve it to be right or rong.
Tis was ritted with ta heart but but in my opinions was writed about sumtin that i think 'personally' couldna be writ aboot in a simple song.
Good luck with your future writing,is all i said and meant,writes from the heart.
Good going keep it up.
Thanks for the thread
chris
#27
Quote by Davo Ownz
Go away dude, you're off you're head, he doesn't have to personally endure pain to write about it, lyrics are written to express emotions, he is aghast at what happened in that era. Also, before you start criticizing others work, fix you're grammar.

I'll Underline all you're grammatical errors.


*face palm*

the dudes opinion was totally valid man and you bit his head of because you didn't agree with it...

and yet here you are criting a piece on how wrong the nazi's were for attacking people that had different beliefs to them

let the man have his opinion and for crying out loud, if TS had wanted nothing but "it was awesome" then i doubt he would have posted it in the first place
#28
Chris, we will agree to disagree.

Lol, n00b 09'ers.

So, his opinion was valid was it? Telling Ts, that he cant write about something? Writing has no limits, only you're imagination. I personally think that it is a good topic to write about, but then again, I am not Jewish, nor know anyone that is. I haven't endured anything, nor have my fore fathers.

Therefor I agree to disagree. No more posting unless it's on topic. Just pm if you want to argue more...
a little lost.....
Last edited by Davo Ownz at Sep 7, 2009,
#29
Good lyrics and vast theme.
Though I have no Idea on how you'll get that in your music. It seems a bit hard to make it sound 'poetical'.

Quote by FrustratedRocka

When was the last time you saw a swastika carved into a bathroom wall


Well, Friday actually.. Is that anyhow relevant?
Please, stop acting like you're a war veteran. It looks a tad patheatic.
People died before, are dying now, and will continue to die forever. It's okay to respect them, but you're just over-dramaticizing things. For christs sake, it's not like you still remember plague victims from the earlier centuries, and they died as horrid as anyone.

Just because you have someone to blame doesn't mean you should.

Quote by Davo Ownz

fix you're grammar


Am I the only one that's stupified by this ****?
#30
Quote by Tea Cup
Yeah I belive you, you got pretty into it what with the caps and punctuation an all. Barren heart is pretty cool if it's original.

One flaw though, everyone knows the holocaust was hilarious.


HAHAHAHA agree totally

Anyways, I thought it was a great poem/ song where you used a lot of great and meaningful imagery. i could really see how you felt about this, and that you you have an educated view about the subject. Mind reviewing my piece?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1195875
#31
The next person to make a post in this thread arguing about the content instead of commenting on the quality of the writing is going to get a warning.
#32
Quote by Jinzu
Good lyrics and vast theme.
Though I have no Idea on how you'll get that in your music. It seems a bit hard to make it sound 'poetical'.


Well, Friday actually.. Is that anyhow relevant?
Please, stop acting like you're a war veteran. It looks a tad patheatic.
People died before, are dying now, and will continue to die forever. It's okay to respect them, but you're just over-dramaticizing things. For christs sake, it's not like you still remember plague victims from the earlier centuries, and they died as horrid as anyone.

Just because you have someone to blame doesn't mean you should.


Am I the only one that's stupified by this ****?

Looks like I'll have to send it to you when we've recorded it in like never haha!

But seriously, what I do when I write my lyrics is kinda sing it over the riff that I'm writing over, it tends to work most the time.
#33
Quote by mamosa
Really? Because I've never heard a Jew bring up how they're oppressed and the victims of racism (even though they are much more so than blacks) while I've heard plenty of blacks bring up slavery.

And the Jews were the focus of the attack and bore the brunt.



Are you serious dude?
The jews are still going after the ****ing nazis today
the Israeli government has groups just for that purpose
Clean out your ears and listen to the news...


I do agree that the holocaust was horrible but has definatly been blown out of proportion. And it was even more than 10 million people killed getting up close to 20 million killed in all. The ****ing gypsies are the only ones that don't bitch about it these days.

But great piece major props